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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if people seem to prefer it when girls are born than boys

146 replies

waterunderthebridge · 03/04/2016 19:40

Just wondering as based on my experiences there seems to be more excitement and enthusiasms for girls. I could be wrong.

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/04/2016 21:08

lorelei yea logically there is but not in the eyes of my nearly eighty year old fil.

Original poster
waterunderthebridge · 03/04/2016 21:10

Sparkling didn't say anything bad! I was just confused as she answered the question then said she didn't understand it.

Yes I was thinking shettles or similar.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/04/2016 21:12

I have heard people say that there's something extra special about having a baby girl. I've heard it more than once come to think about it.

I read not so long ago that parents of two girls are less likely to have a third child than parents of two boys, and that basically there is some trend to 'trying for a girl.'

I also know someone who (with her friends) are proudly SMOGS (smug mother of girls). Awful.

I don't think YABU OP. That attitude is out there but God knows why.

I just bloody love babies.

Sparklingbrook · 03/04/2016 21:14

I did wonder poverty.

cubesofjelly · 03/04/2016 21:17

We have 2 boys. When pg with DS1 we didn't find out the sex, when he was born I did get asked if I'd wished for a girl Confused But whatever. When pg with DS2 we found out the sex, so when people asked if we knew and I excitedly said, "Boy!", I got a number of responses along the lines of "Aw, next time it will be a girl / do you think you'll try for a 3rd for a girl / well at least they can play together" etc Shock The mind boggles, for many reasons.

The weird thing is though all of my close people - close friends and family - were just happy. It was casual friends or acquaintances who were overinvested in the sex of our child and whether we had plans for more children!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/04/2016 21:17

If we are talking personally, I prefer boys. I was a bit disappointed when my second was another girl (it didn't last long) I was delighted when my third was a boy and we decided to stop at three although I'd of loved more sons.

targaryen · 03/04/2016 21:17

I think also with society moving to a place where everyone finds out the gender prior to birth this also feeds into people's gender bias.

I think "a baby" is gender neutral and when that baby is handed into your arms and you look at their beautiful little face your not thinking about the buts between their legs.
I think this plays a lot into people being disappointed about the sex.

I think babies are all awesome and would have more of each if I could !

targaryen · 03/04/2016 21:19

"Bits" not "buts" Confused

stubbornstains · 03/04/2016 21:20

I think it's entirely understandable to wish for a girl, especially as a feminist.

We spend a lot of time griping about male privilege, male domination, how most wars and conflicts around the world are pretty much promulgated by men, how it's women who are oppressed and suffer.....then we give birth to miniature men!

Coming out of an abusive relationship (with a man!), and facing pregnancy and parenthood on my own, I was devastated to learn I was expecting a boy. I had had visions of raising a strong, warrior girl- and now I had to completely revise my expectations.

We just have to look ahead to the teenage years and unpick the messages that we are supposed to be giving our children. We should be raising girls to be strong enough to resist all the shit that gets thrown at them by boys/ men. We should be raising boys to respect and not give shit to girls. This is good, but at the core of it is a message that is, I'm afraid, largely true: as a default position, men are the shit givers.

I love my little boy....so much so that when I got pregnant again I wasn't half as upset to discover that I was expecting another boy. They are both lovely, but I feel that I bear a heavier responsibility than if I had a girl: I must raise them to be unlike the majority of men.

(Plus, y'know, all those pretty dresses I'll never get to buy Wink)

RubbleBubble00 · 03/04/2016 21:20

I've boys, I'm always asked if I'd like to try for a girl - doesnt bother me tbh.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 03/04/2016 21:21

What a load of bollocks.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2016 21:21

We didn't ask about the gender when I was pregnant with any of our 3, it wasn't an issue to be addressed back then; ds3
is 16.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2016 21:23

then we give birth to miniature men!

You mean newborn baby boys.

HighwayDragon1 · 03/04/2016 21:26

I was asked if we were going to have anymore (we have 1 dd) I said I wasn't sure yet the answer I got was "well it doesn't really matter does it, because you've already got a girl" I asked her what she meant and she reploed that "all women really want a girl" unfortunately I just mumbled a response as was too Shock to respond

CallMeDollFace · 03/04/2016 21:26

I have two boys. I've been asked if I will now 'try for a girl' since my two sons will never darken my door again once they are married Hmm DS2 has been called 'a shame' (and I can't begin to tell you how utterly edible that child is) and I've met one or two SMOGs too.

But, if I'd had two daughters, maybe I'd have a few weird experiences with SMOBs to share? Who knows.

One thing I do know is, some people think it is their business to question you, and comment on, your children, or lack thereof.

It is not.

BertrandRussell · 03/04/2016 21:27

If I could have chosen, I would have had a girl first, because I was only expecting to have one child and I couldn't imagine myself without a daughter. I think because I got on really well with my mother, and wanted the same sort of relationship. And I wanted her to have a grand daughter.

I was glad the second was a boy simply because I thought it would be interesting to see what having a boy was like after a girl.

But none of these feelings were really strong - just preferences. Don't we all have preferences?

tellmemore1982 · 03/04/2016 21:27

As its aibu, yabu.

Overwhelmingly the reaction I had to dc1 being a boy was how wonderful it was to have boy first, older brother etc.

When I then went on to have a girl as DC2 it was met with delight because I have one of each, not specifically because it was a girl, more specifically because it was a girl in the context of second child.

i know several parents of girls who would love to have had a boy and vv. I really don't think there is any greater desire for either. Personally, I'm so in love with my boy that i couldn't imagine not having a son. I love my DD too of course, but not to the point that my excitement of having a DD would be greater in any way than a boy.

MrsMook · 03/04/2016 21:28

I love my two sons dearly, and waited until their births to find out what sex they are. When I was pregnant second time, queries about my preferences were met with a girl having novelty factor, and a boy being cheap, both were win-win. The reality is I love them as individuals, not for their gender. (Although DS2 is countering his macho tendencies with an obession with my nail varnishes at present Grin)

With having two sons, many male cousins and most close friends also having sons, I was particularly thrilled when a close friend had a daughter as it was a chance to be superficial and buy some girly clothes. It's nothing against males, just a change from buying dungarees for the first time in many years.

scarednoob · 03/04/2016 21:28

The only place I've ever seen it is on here! On the threads I've read, there seems to be more sex disappointment with boys. But that does not translate into real life.

stubbornstains · 03/04/2016 21:28

Yes, and my baby boy is gorgeous sandiego.

But parenting isn't just about babies. They don't stay babies for long. You have to think about parenting them through childhood, adulthood and beyond.

CauliflowerBalti · 03/04/2016 21:29

I really wanted a girl. Really really really. I found out the gender at 20 weeks. I was expecting a boy. I was gutted. Heartbroken. Bereft. And so pleased I found out so I didn't have those emotions at the birth.

7 years on, you couldn't pay me to have a girl. I'm sure they're ace, but my boy is so so so so wonderful... I love having a boy.

I agree that people do get more excited about the prospect of having a girl. The people around you, I mean. I think it's because men want Daddy's little princess and project that onto other people, and women want a lifelong BFF and project that onto other people.

Both these things are, of course, bullshit.

CoodleMoodle · 03/04/2016 21:31

My MIL was really excited when she found out we were having a girl. She already has a DGS by SIL and was hoping we'd have a girl.

Now though she has another DGS and dotes on them. PIL are nowhere near as interested in DD (as in they make a long journey to see them nearly every weekend and rent a flat up there, but rarely visit us 45mins away). But I think that's more because she feels as paternal GM she's somehow less important and doesn't want to tread on DM's toes. Which is crap, but hey. I don't think that has anything to do with DD being a girl.

Mousefinkle · 03/04/2016 21:32

Lots of people said I was lucky to have one of each and should stop there because of it Confused. As if to say, but if you'd got two boys you should have had more until you got a girl.

I remember a few women expecting me to be disappointed when I said I was having a son the first time. One woman said "oh isn't that a shame, it's just not the same with a boy, the clothes aren't nearly as pretty." Hmm.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 03/04/2016 21:32

When my friend told her mum she was expecting ds 2 her reaction was 'oh thats a shame' Shock Angry

Unsurprisingly that didn't go down well!

fabricbag · 03/04/2016 21:35

I think girls are generally favoured. I have heard several mums say (even to me with 2 sons) that they were so glad to have a girl. I've also had several people ask me if I'm going to try again for a girl, and had people say "that's a shame, a girl would have been nice" when I had DS2.

There are a lot of anti-boy (pro-girl?) stereotypes around like:

  • girls learn things faster (are more clever?)
  • girls want to do quiet things eg colouring whilst boys charge around making messes
  • boys will abandon their parents when they're adults whilst daughters stick around