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Original poster

To wonder if people seem to prefer it when girls are born than boys

146 replies

waterunderthebridge · 03/04/2016 19:40

Just wondering as based on my experiences there seems to be more excitement and enthusiasms for girls. I could be wrong.

OP posts:
oldjacksscrote · 03/04/2016 21:37

I really wanted a girl when I first got pregnant (didn't tell anyone though) and remember feeling a bit disappointed when I found out I was having a boy. I'm very close to my mum and would have loved to share a bond like that with a daughter (and any excuse to play with Barbies again)
I now have my second boy and really wouldn't want it any other way, I've enjoyed my sons so much more than I'd ever imagined, and I'm embracing everything dinosaur!

IME I did find people would tell me I was having a girl and they seemed like they felt bad for me when I told them I was having a boy. People also seem to assume that men want boys and women want girls.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2016 21:37

stubbornstains we get given a choice, boy or girl.

We get on with it and do the best to raise a well adjusted, happy child.

That's the normal response .

ouryve · 03/04/2016 21:38

Yes, you're probably wrong.

SalemSaberhagen · 03/04/2016 21:38

I have a friend who was desperate for a girl last pregnancy. It was a boy, and she was sorely disappointed. My DD is the same age as her son, and she regularly made comments about how lucky I was to have a girl, boys weren't nearly as good etc etc Confused

She's currently pregnant again, and is so vocal about how much she wants a girl. I hope for the baby's sake that it is a girl, because her disappointment will be off the scale.

Br75 · 03/04/2016 21:38

5 boys here we often got asked aww bet you wished for a girl !!well no all that matters is baby is born heathly x

Queenie73 · 03/04/2016 21:41

After my third boy, I got a lot of people asking if I was going to try again for a girl. It made my blood boil, and not just because our only daughter died at birth. I found that a bit of a head tilt and "What for? Don't you realise that you can't breed from them?" was enough to shut the really annoying ones up.
I don't think that was so much because people thought girls were better though, more a sort of weird wanting to collect the full set kinda thing.

Luckystar1 · 03/04/2016 21:50

My mother actually bought girl's clothes for my unborn DC1 (whose sex we didn't know, but who is a boy) as she 'just couldn't resist'.

I admit to being absolutely desperate for a boy (I don't get on well with my mother), and could not understand why people seemed so keen for me to have a girl.

I'm pregnant again and I've had a lot of 'oh are you hoping for a girl?'. I literally couldn't give two hoots once it's ok!

TeaOnEverest · 03/04/2016 21:53

I have found the opposite. I live in a quite traditional, farming community, and I think that is why boys seem to be favoured. Actually, when I think about it, I know a lot of women locally who have problematic relationships with their own mothers, even now you see a lot of "boys can go out and party/shag around, girls have to sit about and drink tea and do the dishes". I would imagine it creates a lot of resentment.

I only know two women who have been very vocal about having a girl. One has a strange relationship with her father and wants to "give daddy a granddaughter"

The other is VERY pink and glittery girly, and had 6 boys before she got her girl.

I know of many more who have had girl after girl before getting a son though. Men with numerous daughters get the absolute piss taken out of them.

I've made my area sound awful... It's not....there are just some really deeply entrenched gender stereotypes

TeaOnEverest · 03/04/2016 21:54

After two years of infertility, I also don't have much sympathy for people getting tied up in knots over what the baby would be. I'd like any baby right now

CallMeDollFace · 03/04/2016 22:01

The other thing I really dislike about any discussion of newborn gender is that invariably somebody will say 'as long as it's healthy it doesn't matter'.

It's really not ok to express disappointment with having a boy or a girl yet somehow it is ok to be disappointed with a baby that is 'unhealthy' in some way.

I really dislike that subtext. It's probably not intended but still, it's pretty sad.

wannadancethenightaway · 03/04/2016 22:01

This is a strange thread.

Ludwsys · 03/04/2016 22:06

IME they do, there was much more excitement over girls births when I had my boy, it bothered me a little but not much, I was too busy being besotted with my ds. 4 of the friends who cooed over the girls had boys first and I think they are their words, lol

Griphook · 03/04/2016 22:11

We should be raising boys to respect and not give shit to girls. This is good, but at the core of it is a message that is, I'm afraid, largely true: as a default position, men are the shit givers.
Maybe because from birth they are seen as a disappointment and not wanted, could go along way to explain some of the anger issues men have.
They are not born miniature men they aged born babies

stairway · 03/04/2016 22:22

I like male company so I'm not disappointed in having all boys so far... But I would still like a daughter.
I think girls are seen as more special as slight more boys are born than girls. I think its 105 boys to 100 girls.
Also its the mil and dil issues which is a shame.
There were some issues between my mum and paternal grandmother which was a shame as my paternal grandmother was the nicest one.
Baby dolls also tend to be girls as well don't they?

MrsFrankRicard · 03/04/2016 22:30

I agree that in the west, unfortunately, baby girls seem to have become more favoured recently, in complete contrast to the past when boys were favoured. Now, while I welcome moving away from favouring boys, it's clearly gone too far in the other direction as babies shouldn't be a disappointment based on what's between their legs Angry if we want equality, then both genders should be celebrated equally?

Then, as has been mentioned above, things change in adulthood when men are still more successful, will that always be the case if a genuine shift to preferring daughters over sons and celebrating all things 'female' has become more prevalent?

It's a shame that those who have a strong girl preference and felt so 'lucky' you got only dd's didn't have any sons to show you that it really doesn't fucking matter and boys are equally brilliant to have around. What is it that you are favouring - is it the clothes/toys/shopping trips?!

The kind of men our baby boys grow up to be, is largely down to us, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world Wink.

LizzieLou3 · 03/04/2016 22:54

I had a secret longing for a girl which stems from an awesome relationship with my own Mum. 2 dds and then a surprise ds later and I obviously see totally equal value. I wonder if the prevalence of positive Mother daughter relationships are one reason for the bias? It completely evaporated for me the moment ds was born.

shins · 03/04/2016 22:59

I have to admit, I was extremely keen to have a daughter while pregnant with DC2 (I had a much -loved 11 year old son but had always wanted a girl too). She duly arrived and when I was pregnant with her younger brother, I must admit I was hoping for another girl. I agree boys have their own absolutely brilliant joys and uniqueness and I couldn't complain if I'd had three of them, but there's something about a daughter. My girl is eight and already knows detailed family lore from her great-grandparents' generation - she actually wants to hear my rambling old stories about my schooldays, she memorises people's birthdays, plans family occasions - I know this is all ghastly stereotyping but she's a small woman already and it's nice to have another one around. My MIL has four sons and she loves them but I know she felt very isolated sometimes during those years when they were at home. She once told me that she would have kept going "for the girl" but her DH had a vasectomy ..

Re the cultural shift, I think girls are treated like shit in such vast swathes of the world that it's rather lovely that we live in a culture where they're valued and longed-for. I remember mentioning that I was expecting a boy to a colleague and being a bit taken aback at her overexcited reaction - "a boy!!! Oh that's so wonderful!" - she had tears in her eyes and hugged me - and I realised that in her cultural background, boys are simply valued more than girls. It took me a minute to get it as I just thought of the unborn baby as another one of my children, not a Precious Male Heir or something. I've travelled in places where boy children rampage around the streets while their sisters are kept on a tight leash and it's not pretty.

jenkait · 03/04/2016 23:13

I've experienced this. I'm having a boy and several people have asked me if I was disappointed? One such person was my dentist, who told me his wife started crying at the scan when they found out it was a boy (after multiple miscarriages!) Having had m/c's myself I'm just thrilled to be having a BABY.

TheCrumpettyTree · 03/04/2016 23:13

I have two boys and get really irritated by anyone that asks if I'm going to try for a girl. As if my family isn't good enough already. Fuck off. My boys are awesome.

ollieplimsoles · 03/04/2016 23:21

Yes ill admit I was a little scared of having a boy because of the terrible relationship dh has with his mother and the way her sons both deserted her.

She also really wanted me to have a boy and that made me want a girl.

But after miscarriages in the family i was just so happy that there was a baby in there at the scan!

We found out the sex at birth and it was amazing, I would have been so happy with whatever our baby was when I held them for the first time.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/04/2016 23:25

Usually I wouldnt be bothered girl or boy they are both lovely.

But if I have a girl this time I don't need to bother going into the loft.

(That's a joke I don't do girly clothes but it amused me)

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 04/04/2016 00:56

Not related to others, but I felt less uneasy having a boy than a girl.

I have always been probably the least feminine woman around. I am far happier with power tools than makeup brushes, more likely to pick up a chainsaw than a curling iron.

So, when DS arrived, I was in my element. When DD showed up years later, I felt like I had to relearn how to be "female".

Lucky for me, she is a child that would be perfectly content digging in the garden while wearing her princess dress .

Strokethefurrywall · 04/04/2016 03:02

I have 2 boys and always get the "must try for a girl" comments on the assumption that all women want a girl I guess?

I would have loved a daughter yes, but not at the expense of either of my sons, who at 4 years and 2 years make me roar laughing every day.

And if, by some bizarre twist of fate, I end up knocked up with a third, I would be over the bloody moon with either sex.

But I also agree with targaryen that the prevalence of people finding out the sex beforehand may be fueling the opinion of "society" - certainly, people do sprout any old shit when they learn the sex of someone else's baby and those 'benign' comments are what fuels the idea that, for this moment in time at least, the girls are the favored sex.

TheNewStatesman · 04/04/2016 03:06

I would say that in the UK there is not much difference either way. Perhaps fathers/granddads are, on average, a bit more excited if it's a boy, but I wouldn't say it's a big difference.

People do tend to favor girls for adoption. There is a feeling (perhaps partly warranted) that when a child is an "unknown quantity," then girls are a safer bet. I know a sibset who were adopted as kids from a difficult background (problem family, use of alcohol during pregnancies etc.)--as adults, they all have subtle learning/cognitive issues but these are significantly more severe for the brothers than for the sister. I think that that is not uncommon.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 03:10

I don't think it's just girls... I've seen it with boys. YABU to think it's just girls Grin