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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put dd (4) reins again..,

74 replies

Kiddiewinks2008 · 02/04/2016 19:24

DD 4 has run out in the road twice in 2 days- she won't hold hands and is testing boundaries to the extreme. we have tried green cross code, explaining and resorted to getting angry when she ran off as it frightened me.
Anyway, am thinking of re-instating the little rucksack with the handle (looks like a lead unfortunately) as she just isnt listening.
Aibu- am a bit stuck- ds never left my side so dont know how to handle this. We do all go through a stop, look both ways etc routine but she just runs off.
Help!

OP posts:
EverySongbirdSays · 02/04/2016 19:26

Yeah I wouldn't have a problem with that to be honest YABU until she has a bit more sense. I saw a 7/8 yr old on reins recently and was a bit Shock 4 is quite normal

EverySongbirdSays · 02/04/2016 19:27

YANBU even

MangoBiscuit · 02/04/2016 19:28

I have threatened this before. Never had to carry through with it, but I would have had the behaviour not improved.

YANBU.

TimeToMuskUp · 02/04/2016 19:29

YANBU at all. DS2 is 5 and ran away from MIL on a busy road not long ago. I handed over the reins (in front of him) to MIL to keep in her handbag as a precaution. He hates them with the fire of a thousand suns, so knows not to mess her about again. Reins are the future for Houdini-children.

Original poster
Kiddiewinks2008 · 02/04/2016 19:32

Phew, thanks, didnt know if it was too old but shes bloody dangerous at the moment tbh!

OP posts:
SolsburyHell · 02/04/2016 19:33

I have a 4 year old bolter. Thankfully he's quite sensible by roads but will often run off from me in shops and public places. I have considered reins but seeing as they were a disaster when he was a toddler (he would just sit down or pull against them) and they caused more problems than they solved, I've decided against it.

Sleepybunny · 02/04/2016 19:40

I have a 3 year old who is the same, especially when overtired.

Small rewards like 'ooh do you see that door just in front? Let's see who can skip there the fastest and stop'
Well done! And lots of praise. Let see what we can get too next....

Practice in quiet areas. Don't have plans to be anywhere at a certain time or leave with heaps of time to spare. You don't want to have additional stresses to deal with.

Bloody mind numbing, but gradually she'll get the hang of it as you build trust together.

Don't go back to reigns, she'll just battle for control and up her game.

Lovelydiscusfish · 02/04/2016 19:46

Will it work, though? Won't she just have a huge tantrum at the ignominy of it all and refuse to move anywhere? You can't exactly drag her.
Would a star chart with rewards for sensible and safe walking be a good idea? (I used to loathe the idea of star charts, but they have transformed dd's going to bed, and therefore my life!)
Also, and I'm not sure if this would be considered generally advisable, but I told my dd the story of my childhood cat, which got run over. Her attitude to road safety improved significantly thereafter.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/04/2016 19:50

I wouldn't think twice.
Four is still very little and at that age they have no real conception of danger, even if they appear to understand when you try to tell them.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 02/04/2016 19:55

Not unreasonable at all. My first was a bolter. They do grow out of it and now at nearly 6 he crosses the road v sensibly.

The go/freeze game is also v helpful. Play away from roads, shout go then freeze, like musical statues. Before you know it the are freezing quickly on first shout which gives a bit more confidence they'll stop when needed.

My second DC has always walked nicely beside me. If I'd had that one first I'd have thought bolters were due to bad parenting. I was very stupid Blush

Alexa444 · 02/04/2016 20:09

I would. She will hate it at her age and I bet she will soon decide running off isnt worth it.

Griphook · 02/04/2016 20:12

My nearly 4 is similar, I now take the wrist strap with me and if he lets go of my hand he now knows I will put it on him. He hates it so so far the threat has been enough.

paxillin · 02/04/2016 20:19

As she won't hold hands try making her. She'll hate reins more than handholding, so that's the ultimate threat if the handholding truly won't happen.

honkinghaddock · 02/04/2016 20:34

EverySongbirdSays - My 9 year old is still has reins and will for a long time. He has no concept of safety.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/04/2016 20:37

Everysongbirds tgat older child might well have SN. My bolter is 4, and we have backpack reins, I would rather be safe than sorry.

somewheresomehow · 02/04/2016 20:48

A four year old is too young to understand the dangers of running off especially into the road, why give her the chance to get injured.
Put her in reins and hold her hand so if she lets go /pulls away you still can hang on to her and she wont get hurt
Better safe than sorry

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/04/2016 20:50

Everysongbird how could it not occur to you that a 7/8 year old in reins would have SN.

I am Shock by that

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/04/2016 20:51

My 9 year old has them, is quite amusing to think some people will think I am just an uber helicopter parent, or have mistaken her for a dog

megletthesecond · 02/04/2016 21:09

Yanbu. At that age dd had reins for days out and was still in the buggy for shopping errands. She's a bolter.

edwinbear · 02/04/2016 21:30

YANBU. I would do exactly the same if it kept dc safe. But hopefully you will do it once and she will be so cross she will learn.

VikingLady · 02/04/2016 21:45

DD is 4. We use the reins as a threat. I start with explaining and asking her to wait/hold hands, then threaten reins like a baby (mortal insult!) with repeated explanation, then start walking home to get them. So far that's been enough for a tearful promise to be careful! But I have left her old reins prominently by the front door..... Grin

RubbleBubble00 · 02/04/2016 22:03

Yep reins in bag as a threat. All else fails the buggy comes out (I have younger dc so still have buggy around

Effster23 · 02/04/2016 22:09

One of mine ended up on a dog leash aged 5. My mom had had the kids for the day and DD had run out between cars to the road two or three times, terrifying my mom! They had my folks dog with them, and mom decided that the dog was better behaved so he came off the leash and the leash went on DD. Well, clipped to the belt loop of her trousers.

I didn't know whether to be horrified, or impressed at the time.

EverySongbirdSays · 02/04/2016 22:12

I did wonder obviously Hmm

EverySongbirdSays · 02/04/2016 22:14

As when you see an older child on reins you will be surprised by it and then think why and then think 'oh maybe SN' - though in this case it didn't seem to be the situation which is why i thought it strange (i know quite a lot about SN)

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