To put dd (4) reins again..,

[Kiddiewinks2008]

DD 4 has run out in the road twice in 2 days- she won't hold hands and is testing boundaries to the extreme. we have tried green cross code, explaining and resorted to getting angry when she ran off as it frightened me.
Anyway, am thinking of re-instating the little rucksack with the handle (looks like a lead unfortunately) as she just isnt listening.
Aibu- am a bit stuck- ds never left my side so dont know how to handle this. We do all go through a stop, look both ways etc routine but she just runs off.
Help!

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

If my four year old is walking he has reins, he's a bolter so it's a no-brainer. I don't see the problem with using a safety aid to keep the child safe, if they dislike it enough it may even work as an incentive to walk properly.

Good luck :)

[hazeyjane]

Saying, I saw a 7/8 yr old on reins recently and was a bit 4 is quite normal .......normal......just crass really.

[Crazypetlady]

Yanbu better safe than sorry your child's safety is paramount

[EskSmith]

Of course. I would say that many 4 year olds still need them. It takes seconds for even a previously predictable child to slip your hand and run. Why would you take the chance? Dd1 was completely predictable, never left my side. Then one day she suddenly ran across the road to get away from an approaching dog. Thankfully in our v.v.quiet village but the repercussions could have been dreadful.

[EverySongbirdSays]

hazey i accept that the comment could be perceived as crass

[starry0ne]

yes to reigns... You would regret if she got hit by a car and you didn't use them..

When you feel she is safe..Carry them around with you for a while ..Let her know if she doesn't listen she will be back on them... Hold my hand ..One no and back in reigns..

[theclockticksslowly]

I use reins with my almost 3 year old and expect I shall continue to do so for some time. The reins are a back up - we hold hands but it's reassuring to know if she does try to bolt she can't go far. To be fair she's pretty good when walking along the pavement but a couple of times has spotted something and automatically tried to go for it. In shops they're useful as she tries to walk off sometimes when I'm trying to pay.

I'm trying to ignore my in laws who completely disagree with using them - they will even go as far as saying they will carry her (just in their arms, not a sling or anything) rather than use the reins. Comments about dog leads are regular occurrences. I don't understand why they'd use a lead for a dog to keep it safe from traffic/running off but not reins for a toddler who has the same or less appreciation of the dangers of bolting and traffic.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Everysongbird some SN are invisible so yiu never know, looking at dd 9 who has ASD, you would not tell she has ASD.

[EverySongbirdSays]

Aero I am aware of that..... as I have already stated I know a lot about SN

I think I might back out of this thread. I should have used the word 'commonplace' or 'ordinary' and used 'normal' in that context as to mean the same, as the OP felt 4 was too old. Other posters have taken this to mean that I saw an SN child on reins and thought it abnormal which is not what happened or how i think generally.

[StarUtopia]

Surely you'd be better off spending time 'training' her??

I don't see how this will be anything other than a power struggle, a short term fix, a recipe for resentment and a whole host of other issues!

My nearly 2 yr old is on reins (obviously) but my 3 year old certainly isn't. I make her hold hands or we get back in the car..she knows I mean business. I am still in the process of training her if I'm honest..run to that lampost, stop..lots of praise etc.

Did this stage get missed out somewhere?

[EskSmith]

Starutopia, fabulous if you have that luxury but some people actually walk to get places and can't just avoid busy places whilst they train. I agree reins are not a replacement for holding hands but they are for many children an essential safety net.

[StarUtopia]

Luxury? I have two toddlers..jeezzz. My point is....you have to put the hard work in in the first place!

Miss it out..and this is where you end up.

If it were me, I'd be taking a couple of days off and getting it nailed. Lots of praise. Lots of positive attention. It's important. Treat it that way.

[Aeroflotgirl]

star, all children are different so what works for your dd, might not work for another. I would rather be safe, until ds maturity developers.

[EskSmith]

As I said up thread I had it nailed with Dd1 she had been perfect for a good 2 years before her moment of madness. You say if your dd dies not hold hands then it's back in the car, this is the luxury I refer to, not available to all who rely on walking to get places, try getting older children to school along a busy route for example. Plus a few days is nowhere near enough to have this nailed. As aeroflotgirl describes not all children are the same, because it worked for you dd does not mean it is a failsafe method. Some children you could practice 10 hrs a day and still need a backup, like the hugely practical reins.

[SaveSomeSpendSome]

I still use reins on dd whos 3.5.

In fact only afew months ago i was stopped in a shopping centre and praised for being a responsible parent by an elderly lady!

She isnt a bolter but im more worried about her being snatched as it only takes a second and as she is beside me im not constantly looking at her otherwise i wouldnt be looking where i was going so i feel better with her on the reins. Its actually a wrist strap rather than one that goes around your body.

I very rarely see a child on reins.

[starry0ne]

I am a child minder and I can tell you that bolters are something some children do some don't ... I don't have a ... and they are off reigns.. It depends on the child...

star I make her hold hands or we get back in the car.
This is ok if you have a car, don't have to get food for tea, take a child to childcare, school run or a million other reasons why you have to leave home other than the park...

As for comments about battles and resentment...Sometimes Kids all ages test boundries... some you can let them tantrum out, sulk whatever they do some are a safety issue that as a parent you have to do..

[MrsJayy]

Get them back on her my dd had a wrist strap at 3 nearly 4 she had no sense

[umizoomi]

I feel your pain. DS got better and in ditched the rein/rucksack but then regressed. He is 4 and thinks it's hysterical to run ahead. He didn't like the prom either from an early -ish age I should have known

[MrsJayy]

I wish those back packs were around when my dds were younger i think they are genuis

[BackforGood]

You do what you can to keep them safe. If they have run into road twice in 2 days, I'd have no hesitation.
As others have said, if they don't like the idea, then they know what the solution is. You can keep them with you as a consequence of not holding hands.

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Dd was a "compliant" toddler and before 3 would hold the buggy/a hand etc when walking. Now at 4.4 she can choose to hold the buggy or walk alongside. On regualr routes she can run ahead to a pre agreed spot (lamp post / lane / hedge). She is incredibly well behaved in that regard.

Ds on the other hand is a bloody renegade. He is 18mo and already tearing the place up. I can well imagine reigniing him at 3/4yo.

At the end of the day you do what you can to keep them safe and if they cant manage their own well being walking along a pavement then you have little choice but to manage it for them.

[Roobix04]

Definitely stick the reins on. I'd rather have a battle of wills putting them on than suffer the consequences of an accident. My dd uses them but she's only 2. My bil refuses to use them when he's out with her and it really pisses me off.