To 'confront' this man when he asked for the priority seat on the bus

[YoJesse]

Me and Ds 3 were on a really packed bus, no seats left at all. I was standing and Ds was on one of the priority seats. The other 7 priority seats were taken up with what looked like young able bodied people and on Dad with a baby.

A man 50ish gets on, walks past all the other seats and says to me 'I'm disabled, can you move your son?' I got Ds up without questioning it but then I heard the Dad with the baby say to the man 'fucking hell, seriously mate?' This got me thinking that maybe it was a bit unfair so I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'as you can see I'm happy to give up the seat for you but as you can see there are lots of young, able looking people on the other priority seats, don't you think you should of asked them not my son?' He then goes off on one say ' I'm disabled, your son should be sitting in here in the first place etc' so I said that he is less able to stand on a moving bus than most other people so maybe he is entitled to the seat. The man got all sweaty and angry and I felt really uncomfortable so I got off.

Was I unreasonable to confront him?

TheFairyCaravan Tue 05-Apr-16 10:48:29
This thread makes me grateful I can't get as far as the bus stop so can't leave the house unless I'm driven. People don't tend to pick on a woman accompanied by a 6ft+ bloke!

no they don't when a pillock nearly drove into dd's wheelchair I shouted at him, (he missed her by inches) he was getting all "how very dare you" till I suggested he took it up with my 6ft son

ink yes this thread has gotten mean and ignorant, mainly your and twelly's posts.
Iwould love you two to live a day in my shoes, or fairy, see how fun and how ignorant you are then.
Then see how fun it asking people to give up a priority seat and have them look at you and like you don't look disabled.

fairy yes surprisingly nobody dare says anything when i am with my dh. They seem to think better of being ignorant to the partner of a large tattooed biker
Though my dh would have had words if he'd have been on a bus and seen a disabled old man being humilated.

sam once there was some twat giving it all on the bus and being racist. My dp and i both told him to shut it And get off. He thought he was all that, till my dh got up colour drained from his face and he just backed off the bus!

Candy - you just don't know when to stop!

This thread does not belong to you. People expressing an opinion should not be harassed for that opinion. You're going to get opinions from mums who sympathise with OP because this is Mumsnet - the perspective of mums is important (and also from mums who have disabilities). All perspectives should stand . That has not happened on this thread.

It got mean.

That's what I have stood up to.

Today on the train I have had a woman complain I wouldn't collapse Ds SN buggy (with Ds well secured in it!) so she could put her sons pram in the space. She eventually abandoned it near the door and took her son out to sit on the chair! Even though the sign makes it quite clear that wheelchairs are first priority.

I do think some people don't think before they open their big gobs speak about what they are saying.

I think most people do sympathise with the difficulties of managing a small child on a bus whilst understanding that someone with a disability that requires a seat has priority.

YABVVVU

Telling a man off for sitting in priority seats designed for him .

Children dont belong on them. They generally speaking aren't disabled. If they can't stand for long periods of time then perhaps you should use a pram

inkanta

Do you mean I don't stop when you want me to stop perhaps? ;)

honking that was very elegantly put.

And sirzy that must be draining for you when you've got enough on your plate to think about already.
Hope the rest of your day has gone better.

The buses in our area don't have disabled priority seats. They are seats for those "less able to stand". Interpret that as you will.

inkanta

I am happy and comfortable with being exposed. Hello rest of Mumsnet! Fancy a ?

The only aggression has been from those claiming oppression and stating having a child makes you disabled.

YABVU
Disability is usually a life sentence, cruel & unusual punishment every day without possibility of parole.
Don't add verbal harassment & even more stress.

A disabled person has priority for seating and was in the right to ask anyone else to move. That is NOT bullying, anymore than asking a pram user to move out of a wheelchair space.
The OP should have moved her DC and then its her own responsibility to ask if anyone would let her small child sit. I agree, selfish that noone offered

Priorities imo:

1. disabled (includes anyone who says they are, without questioning)
2. elderly
3. pregnant / babe in arms
4. under 5s

I would offer my seat, whether priority seating or not, to any of the above, without being asked

Re 2) - In my mother's culture (Arab), the elderly are revered & prioritised wrt sitting down, being served first at mealtimes etc, even though DC are cherished and prioritised over other adults. so, I'm brainwashed

Hmm. Lots of answers, very few questions.

What does that remind everyone of?

You knew full well you drove me to lose my rag then smugly left.
That's also against t&c, it's called goading.
See up there ^^

At least my children will grow up having some idea about considering others, unlike those of some posters here.

If they've actually got kids, that is. Not all trolls do.

There's was once a thread on mumsnet and when a group of people argued their common point they were being "aggressive" and when a poster argued a different stance they were only "expressing a view". In this same thread when many posters agreed with the same stance they were "mobbing".

Oh, and as said previously giving someone is already having a pretty shit time an even worse one isn't something to be proud of. Bet you are, though.

EveryoneElsie the thing is that as ghostspirit says, priority seats are not seats only for people with disabilities - they are always or almost always seats for a range of people considered more vulnerable including but not exclusively people with disabilities.

The morality of that can be debated ad nausium, and most would agree that people with disabilities would be expected to have highest priority for the seats, but the fact remains that almost every public transport provider designates priority seating as being for people with disabilities, the elderly (though not generally only by virtue of age but if frail), pregnant women, and very young children/ people carrying young children or babies. Some operators offer a pass that people in all those groups can carry (somebody screeched a rather odd stream of vitriolic rhetorical questions with very questionable assumptions about how I would answer those questions at me up thread for mentioning passes, but my point was all those groups would be entitled to a pass showing their "entitlement" to use the seats).