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AIBU?

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Original poster

To 'confront' this man when he asked for the priority seat on the bus

622 replies

YoJesse · 02/04/2016 14:43

Me and Ds 3 were on a really packed bus, no seats left at all. I was standing and Ds was on one of the priority seats. The other 7 priority seats were taken up with what looked like young able bodied people and on Dad with a baby.

A man 50ish gets on, walks past all the other seats and says to me 'I'm disabled, can you move your son?' I got Ds up without questioning it but then I heard the Dad with the baby say to the man 'fucking hell, seriously mate?' This got me thinking that maybe it was a bit unfair so I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'as you can see I'm happy to give up the seat for you but as you can see there are lots of young, able looking people on the other priority seats, don't you think you should of asked them not my son?' He then goes off on one say ' I'm disabled, your son should be sitting in here in the first place etc' so I said that he is less able to stand on a moving bus than most other people so maybe he is entitled to the seat. The man got all sweaty and angry and I felt really uncomfortable so I got off.

Was I unreasonable to confront him?

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 04/04/2016 21:22

Too right. Kids have to learn just how superior they are to disabled people.

Janeymoo50 · 04/04/2016 21:35

This thread has got really mean and horrid.
Op was wrong, I think she knows that, but some of the responses on here are awful.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 04/04/2016 21:39

I think when your life is directly effected by the casual cruelty and prejudice of others, it's understandable that people get upset, and go beyond the original post.

So many able bodied people don't have any sense of how their actions and attitudes effect people. It's sad this is still the norm

twelly · 04/04/2016 21:51

I think the thread has lost its way, the man got on the bus and addressed the op and child to move - what is reported doesn't sound polite. They were then told later by the man that they should not be sitting there anyway , that is not the case the seats do not remain empty if needed. The actions of the man with the baby caused the situation, the op was not caught amongst that. I fell sorry that two,young children were involved in the altercation as the op then needed to leave the bus - that should not have happened either.

AugustaFinkNottle · 04/04/2016 22:32

The disabled man only got into further conversation with OP because she chose to confront him. Frankly, if you choose to attack a disabled man for wanting to sit in the priority seats you probably deserve all you get by way of a response.

twelly · 04/04/2016 22:33

I disagree

AugustaFinkNottle · 04/04/2016 22:41

Why? Do you think OP was right to have a go at the disabled person?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/04/2016 23:09

The OP was only told by the man that her son should not be in the seat AFTER she had had a go at the disabled man, twelly!

Suziki · 05/04/2016 00:39

Wow what crazy reactions are these? No I don't think what you said was wrong. He was picking on someone smaller than him. Yes, it is hard for people with hidden disabilities to get seats when they need them but this does not mean a man should act like a bully to a 3 year old boy and his mother (hint; male entitlement) while there are other people who do not need the seats as a little child does sitting ignoring the situation. Crap behaviour on their behalf for not standing when they heard the man asking for a seat and again when they saw him getting aggressive towards the OP.

candykane25 · 05/04/2016 00:55

suziki are you reading another thread?

Picking on? Bullying? Where have you rad this?

If the man was abled bodied and he asked the mother to move her child, then maybe that would be the case.

It was a disabled person asking for a priority seat, as was his entitlement to do so.

He was then forced to defend himself after being confronted. If anyone was bullied here, it was the disabled man.

I can see that you don't get this, and I probably won't be able to explaining in a way you are going to understand.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/04/2016 01:33

Interestingly, when I had a job interview once, the interviewer asked me to define disabled and when I started, she interjected 'people can be disabled in different ways. People with children with them are, in effect, disabled because they restricted in what they can do.'

How strange that you came out of that interview agreeing with the woman instead of thinking "what a dick".

kali110 · 05/04/2016 02:08

And this is why i hate gettibg public transport.
I do not look like i have a disability.
People talk about me ( have also been shouted at and once threatened for sticking up for a disabled couple with ld who didn't move from the pram and heavy shopping section of a bus as apparently they should have moved as they didn't look disabled enough Hmm so baby had more a right) if i don't get up for oaps or pregnant people because i look young and healthy.
I rarely use the priority seats if i am on my own as i wouldn't feel able to defend myself.
I am trying to get the courage up to ask people for their seat if the bus or trains are full as so far what i do is simply wait the 30-40minutes for the next one.
The man did nothing wrong, he asked people to move from the priority seat, why didn't you ask someone to move if all th others looked 'abled bodied'?
Except you don't know if they were able bodied!!
You just assume they were.
You and the dad were horrible to a disabled man.
I'm not surprised he swore at you.
I would have felt terrible if that had been me.
If you felt uncomfortable then good, maybe it's a little of how you made that man feel.

kali110 · 05/04/2016 02:16

Suziki omg male entitlement Grin
Yes he was so entitled, being disabled to want a priority seat.

gand seriously? A mother can get a babysitter i can not leave my disability. Tomorrow i will not wake up with pain in every joint renedering me unable to dress myself, searing pain in my head making me sick, a life threatening illness nor such bad anxiety that makes leavingthe house in the first place a challenge.
You are not disabled just because you have a child, don't be insulting.

twelly · 05/04/2016 08:05

The man who got the bus demanded the seat - that tone is not acceptable, and can be deemed aggressive. His comment that the seat should not be sat in is not correct - whenever it was said.the man said he was entitled to the seat, we do not know anything about his disability and never will, yes his affair and his own personal information which is taken on trust.

honkinghaddock · 05/04/2016 08:31

The man will have to face the "I shouldn't have to move attitude" every time he gets on a bus. It will be very wearing.

candykane25 · 05/04/2016 08:42

twelly

Here are your assumptions about the disabled man

He was demanding
You didn't like his tone
He was aggressive
He was a liar

This is what I read

He asked for a priority seat and declared his disability as his reason for doing so
He defended himself after being confronted
Disability is not just people who use a wheelchair

Why on earth would he lie?

Your attitude is what causes people with disability to become isolated and depressed,
You are supposed to support and help people with disabilities, not have this lousy attitude.

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/04/2016 08:44

I think the whole situation is just bizarre. I don't think I have yet been on a mode of public transport where, when faced with this altercation, one of the other passengers would not have volunteered to give up their seats for the op and her ds. How very sad and an unfortunate chain of events. Had op's ds been sitting on her laptop then the disabled man may never have asked. The other man with the baby had no business butting in. Having given up the seat, op should not have made an issue of it. The man would not have responded, the op would not have felt she had to get off the bus. But all of this could have been avoided had one of the other selfish fuckers on the bus given their seat to the op and her ds when they saw what happened!

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/04/2016 08:45

lap not laptop. Bloody autocorrect.

twelly · 05/04/2016 08:47

We take his comment on trust, as is accustomed in many areas of british life. Given what the original post said he appears to have demanded the seat, his comment afterwards was incorrect. I was not there, I do not know his exact tone or approach - the original poster got off the bus later due to the situation being uncomfortable. If I had been on the bus I might have had a different perspective but I was not.

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/04/2016 08:50

I agree that my understanding of priority seats is that they're there for those less able to stand - disabled, elderly, parents, heavily pregnant women etc.

candykane25 · 05/04/2016 09:13

twelly

Imagine for a moment that you have a disability but there isn't an outward aid to enable others to see it.

Imagine how frustrating that must be all day everyday

Imagine that you have to declare it loudly and often in order to get the assistance you need

Imagine that people treat you with suspicion

Imagine the struggle, pain and tiredness you feel all the time because EVERYTHING is a battle

Imagine that sometimes you might get a bit naffed off with all this but people aren't understanding about this

To 'confront' this man when he asked for the priority seat on the bus
kali110 · 05/04/2016 09:51

twelly maybe the op felt uncomfortable because she had humilated a man with disabilities?? Im glad she felt uncomfortable.
'Take his comment on trust' really?
It's no winder i rarely leave the house now, it's because i'm faced with people like you.
You wouldn't believe i had disabilities either.
All you'd see is a girl (sometimes) nicely made up in her boots and carrying a bag( as i can't carry a lot in my handbag).
You wouldn't know that i can't stand for long, especially on moving transport as i have problems with my back and knees, suffer with horrendous headaches and migraines that make make me unsteady and am on so much medication that i can be drowzy at times.
You assume things about this man.
This thread is horrible.
Try living with a disability.
I've had it half my life now. I don't even remember what it was like not to be in pain.

Samcro · 05/04/2016 10:31

this thread reminds me of why when i take my dd out in her chair.. I always take back up.
people like the GF op are less likely to pick on a group.

TheFairyCaravan · 05/04/2016 10:48

This thread makes me grateful I can't get as far as the bus stop so can't leave the house unless I'm driven. People don't tend to pick on a woman accompanied by a 6ft+ bloke!

candykane25 · 05/04/2016 10:59

And twelly you didn't answer the question "why would he lie?"

Id like to read your answer to this. Because I can't think of one.

People with disabilities have to take it on trust that when they step outside that they won't be confronted or ask to defend themselves when asking for assistance.

As a disabled person I think I actually have a lot less cynical view of the world than you.

It is to be hoped that if you ever need to ask for assistance, you'll ask someone kinder and less ignorant than yourself.

You may think this is harsh but your posts are very harsh and I'm showing you what it's like to have to deal with harshness day in day out from people who think like you.

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