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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why any woman would work as a 'pornstar'....

240 replies

Flashbangandgone · 31/03/2016 21:59

...unless it was the only way
a) to make ends meet and put food on the table and secure a roof over their family's head, or
b) to pay for an expensive drug habit....

Surely it's not just prostitution in private (which is bad enough), but prostitution broadcast to the world! I just can't imagine why anyone would do it as a lifestyle choice?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 22:19

I agree with Derek

There is no single answer to this question.

Individual people will have individual reasons.

usual · 31/03/2016 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 31/03/2016 22:25

Soo many different opinions/boundaries/morals/legalities of people involved in it and viewing it. Some freely, some coerced or forced. Are they 'working' and are they a 'pornstar' what sort of porn? what platforms? impossible to debate.

BillSykesDog · 31/03/2016 22:26

I vaguely know someone who is a proper actual 'porn star'. Like, a well known one, not just someone who's dabbled.

I know she got into it initially because she was involved with a famous man who turned out to be a right evil fucker, but that's another story. She was quite young and he encouraged her into it because he found it a turn on. There may have also been drugs involved somewhere along the line.

Apparently she had quite a lot of control of it from the beginning and because of her connections she was doing it at the less seedy end of the spectrum, so here health and welfare was comparatively well looked after and she could pick and choose what she did and initially it was just girl on girl until she chose to move on.

A lot of stuff has subsequently come out about the famous boyfriend but she still does it. I don't know if she would choose to do it again but I guess once the genie was out of the bottle there wasn't that much point stopping it unless it really distressed her. She has a very affluent lifestyle, travels a lot, does the high end arty stuff. Still has a close group of friends and I believe a good relationship with her family. No kids, no drugs problems.

She seems to be fairly happy. I suppose she'll be able to retire quite young and do something unrelated. It's a funny one.

timelytess · 31/03/2016 22:29

A teacher I knew told me her husband spotted someone they knew in a porn film - the mother of a pupil at the teacher's independent prep. Paying school fees. That's why they do it.

Original poster
Flashbangandgone · 31/03/2016 22:30

justdont

Good point... There's a massive spectrum between erotic topless pics and the extreme stuff.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 22:31

I think it has very little to do with liking sex, because remember they are acting.

I've seen a few documentaries about the making of porn films and they seem to stop them every five minutes, to re-apply stage makeup, move cameras or do re-take after retake. No different to how they film anything else really.

It's like saying Sly Stallone only did the Rocky movies because he enjoyed 'boxing'.

raininginspringtime · 31/03/2016 22:32

Wasn't that the premise of Call Me Elizabeth, timely?

That book was so annoying. Imagine the AIBU 'AIBU to have 6 kids and work as an escort'?

imwithspud · 31/03/2016 22:32

There are many reasons I guess. It's not something I would ever consider. I'm not assertive at all and I'd feel vulnerable and worried about being taken advantage of/exploited. I don't think it would be very good for my mental health at all.

I guess some women do it because they genuinely enjoy sex.

I can't help but feel that many do it because they feel they have no choice, because they are coerced into it, because it makes them feel validated in some way.

In general I think the porn industry is very exploitative, especially towards women. It's often the women who get cast aside when they are no longer deemed young or attractive enough. I'm sure the same thing happens to men too but on a smaller scale.

That's my take on it anyway.

LardLizard · 31/03/2016 22:33

I thought most women in the sex industry have likely yo have been abused and had v hard lives

Highsteaks · 31/03/2016 22:33

Another one here who doubts most women do it because 'they love sex'.

I watched some documentary about it a few years ago. Several things struck me:
The men running it seemed like complete cunts.
None of the male or female actors seemed to particualry enjoy it and several of them seemed to be dead behind the eyes. They had also mostly come from fairly shitty backgrounds.
They interviewed a doctor who treats porn actors and she said some of the women come to her with really nasty injuries.

The whole thing sounds great. Hmm

Italiangreyhound · 31/03/2016 22:34

I think many women are coerced into the so called 'sex trade'.

pandarific · 31/03/2016 22:36

I was out for an evening once with a porn star - nice girl. When I asked how/why etc she said she loved sex and the money/lifestyle was great.

Mumoftheark · 31/03/2016 22:37

I know two porn stars (well ex porn stars). One of which was the highest paid star in the UK - both now millionaires.
Not all porn is highly paid I think it depends on the contracts that are given like in any line of work.
One was spotted to do modelling whilst working as a checkout girl in a supermarket. She started lingerie modelling which turned to glamour, and soft porn / fetish websites. She was offered a crazy high amount for a film and took it, and another and another. Sometimes the transition is easy. She doesn't do it anymore. She made her money but said it would mess you up if you did it long term so now has a chain of beauty salons. Porn star 1 actually got porn star 2 I to the business lol. Number 2 got into it for money as well. She was with a multi millionaire who treated her like crap. She finally left him but got used to the lifestyle. She was also a glamour model, that was working on the adult phone line channels, so porn star 1 gave her the contacts and the rest is history. She also went onto being an escort :( She is now a mum and not working in porn but used the money to set up a baby shop. Both these girls were very open shall we say when it came to sex. They both went to sex parties and we're confident talking about their many sexual experiences. Both loved money and were with very rich men before going into porn to keep up their lifestyles when these relationships ended. They both said they would rather get paid for sex than give it away for free. For me personally Iv never had a one night stand so can't imagine sleeping with a stranger, and would prefer to be a "high class" escort thm porn star so it wasn't online forever. However as someone who did work alongside people in the sex industry (not in it) I can see how tempting the financial aspect was, and how easy the transition from modelling to porn is.

MrsDaDeDee · 31/03/2016 22:37

All of the wealthiest most famous porn stars have committed suicide.

like who? Jenna Jameson? Asia Carrera? Sasha Grey? Belladonna? Stoya? Traci Lords?

busyboysmum · 31/03/2016 22:39

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_Girls_Wanted

I watched the above documentary on netflix. It did shed light on the porn industry from the angle of the girls going into it. Definitely an interesting watch.

They seemed lured by easy money and thoughts of making it big bit most don't last more than 12 months in the industry.

CoteDAzur · 31/03/2016 22:39

d ) Having taken enough of certain drugs, it all seems like a good idea.

I suspect that is why some women in porn look feral (cocaine) or surprisingly happy (ecstasy) during sex.

imwithspud · 31/03/2016 22:40

I agree about them looking 'dead behind be eyes'. It's unnerving and not a sign of someone who does it and comes out of the industry unscathed.

Think about when celebrities or people in the public eye go into porn, it's often the ones who live dysfunctional lifestyles isn't it? Farrah Abraham, Chyna, Tammy Sytch spring to mind, along with many others. Very rarely do you hear of someone of a balanced nature giving it a go, it's normally the ones who live car crash lifestyles. That says a lot about the industry imo.

meridithssister · 31/03/2016 22:48

Some are failed actresses and a porn director tells her 'I know this guy in hollywood..do a film for me and I'll make sure he hears about you', or dancers making ends meet between dance jobs. Or models hoping for a big break.
I can't believe there are many doing it because they like sex, as they have little say over their 'storyline', or partner(s) involved. Also they may have to do a scene countless times to get lighting and camera angles right, which isn't sexy when you are tired and bruised.

timelytess · 31/03/2016 22:50

Wasn't that the premise of Call Me Elizabeth, timely
It might have been, I wouldn't know. I do know the teacher, though.

Italiangreyhound · 31/03/2016 22:51

pandarific re "I was out for an evening once with a porn star - nice girl. When I asked how/why etc she said she loved sex and the money/lifestyle was great."

maybe she was telling the truth, maybe not, how easy would it be to admit you were lured, tricked, trafficked or coerced. Maybe easier to say you just love the lifestyle.....

maggiethemagpie · 31/03/2016 22:53

It's predominantly a choice, it's done for the money. There may be some women who are trafficked or coerced but I think they are in the minority.

Some people are clearly cool with making a living this way but I think for the majority of people in the industry it would be a bit of a headfuck.

I don't see much difference between it and prostitution, it IS prostitution, only with a camera there.

Strokethefurrywall · 31/03/2016 22:53

Everything EatShitDerek said.

fakenamefornow · 31/03/2016 22:54

Funny isn't it, why do women get into porn. We could ask the very same question about men. I think the answers might be quite different.

FriendofBill · 31/03/2016 22:55

Something like 1/3 of lap dancers were 'looked after' children.
(Children from SS care)

I don't think people who have strong self esteem / value themselves display their nethers and more for money.