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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to drink on holiday with newly teetotal friends?

133 replies

cowardlylion99 · 30/03/2016 23:51

Several months ago we booked to go on our summer hols with close friends.

To be clear, DH & I could never be classed as heavy drinkers. Yes, we enjoy 3 or 4 drinks on Friday & Saturday nights. We don't tend to drink midweek unless it's a special occasion or we're on holiday! When on holiday we look forward to a few glasses of the local vino in the evenings. Until recently our friends had similar drinking habits to ours and we were looking forward to a few drinks on holiday. However, since booking the holiday, they have stopped drinking completely.

Must admit I was a bit surprised. I'm certain that if there was some hidden drink problem, health issue etc they would've told us and would know we'd be supportive. They're too old for it to be ttc/pregnancy related either. I did ask my friend why and she just shrugged and said she'd gone off it. Obviously, it's their choice but I do feel a little sad as I did enjoy having a few drinks with them (selfish I know). We've been out for dinner with them a couple of times since they went dry. My friend told us to feel free to go ahead and drink but it was said with a bit of a cat's bum face so we stopped at one as we felt a bit uncomfortable, plus it's not so much fun drinking when half the party are stone cold sober! We still see them regularly but during the day for coffee etc rather than the pub. I guess it's no biggie as we have other people we can go out drinking with, but the holiday......?!?

Would we be U to carry on as we would normally do and have a few drinks in the evenings while away? DH has said there's nfw he's not drinking for the whole of HIS holiday and I see his point but on the other hand I don't want to piss off a good friend. In addition to the cat's bum face, friend has been quite vocal on Facebook about the fact that she doesn't drink and got snippy with a fb friend who didn't realise she was now a non -drinker and tagged her (and others) in a jokey meme about drinking. I've not judged her for not drinking (well not outwardly!), but feel a bit judged myself and I'm hardly a raving alkie!

Oh well, maybe they'll fall off the wagon by summer......

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 31/03/2016 05:38

Just go ahead and enjoy your holiday exactly as you'd planned. I'm totally with your DH.

There is absolutely zero way your having a drink or three two will have the tiniest impact on them or their enjoyment, so it's no worries all round.

gingerdad · 31/03/2016 05:45

I don't get the issue here. But then I don't get the need to drink everyday/night on holiday.

I happily have a pint every now and again but have a good friend who hasn't had a good night out unless they are totally pissed and hungover the next day. i just don't see the enjoyment in that amount and ruining the next day.

So for me it's a none issue as I'd happily drink or not drink it would never been the be all on a holiday for me in the first place.

Should add I actively avoid holidays where Brits go. And I am British.

curren · 31/03/2016 05:55

Are you sure she looks 'cat bum face' or is that you projecting.

I rarely drink and thing it's odd you are worrying about this. What they do has no impact or judgment on you.

I find it odd when drinkers perceive someone not drinking as a judgment on them.

MangosteenSoda · 31/03/2016 05:57

Eat and drink as normal whenever you are with them. Doing anything else would be weird. But I get where you're coming from, I'd be a bit disappointed too.

timemaychangeme · 31/03/2016 05:59

Another one who would just carry on as you normally would. If they gave a reason why it would be a problem for them (ie recovering alcoholic), then I'd respect that, but if it's just a lifestyle choice or no explanation has been offered, I don't see the need to not drink.

I go on holiday with a friend who is diabetic. She has made it clear that I'm to carry on eating any cake/ice cream etc I fancy and that she doesn't mind. However, I feel mean if I do go ahead, and if we can't both have a dollop of diabetic ice cream, I don't have any in front of her (she loves sweet stuff so I couldn't enjoy it knowing she'd love some). It's also good for me to take a break from sweet stuff. But that's my choice and I know she really wouldn't begrudge me having what I wanted and there'd be no cats bum faces..

heron98 · 31/03/2016 06:24

I don't drink and my mates are all total piss heads! It's never been an issue.

Original poster
cowardlylion99 · 31/03/2016 07:34

Definitely didn't imagine the catsbumface! She has also several times lately said things like "we're going out with X & Y tomorrow - they don't drink" Totally irrelevant information, unless of course she was trying to make a point! I don't get the comments that suggest that because I enjoy a few drinks at weekends and on holiday, I must have a problem with alcohol! Not had a drink since Easter Sunday when family came for dinner, and won't have another until tomorrow night!

OP posts:
Original poster
cowardlylion99 · 31/03/2016 07:41

Actually, my friend eats a lot of cake, junk food etc and I don't anymore as I've been dieting and have lost a fair amount of weight. I want to keep it off and am a bit worried about falling off that wagon on holiday, especially as I suspect they'll be all eating crap! Is this the same thing? (I don't care if they eat crap btw!)

OP posts:
MartinaJ · 31/03/2016 08:00

I don't drink alcohol. Have no problem socializing with people who drink. Live and let live.

FairyDustDreamer · 31/03/2016 08:06

I always find the 'I don't NEED a drink' judgy in itself....
My FIL favourite line accompanied by a catsbum face......

Squiff85 · 31/03/2016 08:11

I would feel disappointed too - and I know that sounds terrible.

I would carry on having a drink on holiday, the reason may come out while away.

AgentCooper · 31/03/2016 08:11

I don't drink but my friends drink around me at almost every social occasion. Doesn't bother me one bit. I honestly wouldn't worry so much.

Birdsgottafly · 31/03/2016 08:13

OP, I get that enjoying a drink on holiday is part of the 'time off' and relaxation, without it meaning that it is the most significant part.

I love cocktails, when away, or equally trying the Vodkas in Poland, local wine, especially red, in some regions.

There are some very unnecessary noble posts on this thread.

They haven't shared why they've stopped drinking, so you can't 'support' them, as such.

I can barely drink these days, I'm 48 and alcohol just doesn't agree with my body anymore, in lots of ways.

I miss what I was drinking. Buying expensive cordials/grape juice drinks, isn't the same.

I'm also now, Vegeterian (Vegan at home) and this, also has cut down on the holiday experience.

It's your holiday as much as it is theirs, so carry on as normal.

It's a shame but if they're judging you, then you'll just have to accept s change and lessening of the friendship.

OliviaStabler · 31/03/2016 08:21

I'd sit down with her face to face and talk it out./ be clear and say that both you and your DH will be drinking on holiday and is that a problem. if you get more catsbumface, cancel it.

LittleLionMansMummy · 31/03/2016 08:32

Sounds like you're both being judgy tbh. I do understand wanting to enjoy a few evening drinks on holiday, I'm the same (although won't be drinking in August as I'm pregnant). But why would you be sad about their choice? I have to be honest and say that this is everything that's wrong about our alcohol culture - why can't people just choose not to drink? Why does the decision have to relate to a dark secret? Maybe they're beginning to feel 'pressured' about their decision and perhaps that's why they're seeking other company. You've said you were 'surprised' so it's not inconceivable they'll have picked up on that and feel judged.

Anyway, I too think you're over thinking this. Do as you normally do and ignore any cats bum faces and extent them the same courtesy. My guess is that if they're really put out by your drinking there will be a natural separation in your evening activities. Meet new people, drink with them. If they're really not bothered they'll continue to join you - y'know because you're friends and they like you, alcohol or no alcohol.

Summerblaze100 · 31/03/2016 08:35

I don't drink. As far as I can see, people drink for 3 reasons.

  1. They like the taste of alcohol.
  1. they like how it makes them feel.
  1. it gives them confidence and they have a better night

I only like the taste of alcohol that doesn't taste like alcohol but like fruit juice and it only takes a couple before I feel dizzy and sick. Figured I might as well drink fruit juice and enjoy my night. Usually first on the dance floor and last to go to bed.

But this is just me. Most of my friends like a good drink and I really don't care what they do and they don't care what I do. We enjoy each others company.

I think both of you sound judgemental about each other's drinking choices and it really shouldn't make any difference to you enjoying a night out or your holiday.

Original poster
cowardlylion99 · 31/03/2016 08:38

"There are some very unnecessary noble posts on this thread"

Yes. Agree.

I always remember my mum (also a moderate drinker) saying she prefers people who like a drink. I totally get that and admit I do too! I don't actually have many friends who don't drink at all. I remember once, after a glass of wine, she was introduced to someone who said "I don't drink alcohol". My mum said "Oh dear, I'm so sorry" like she'd been bereaved! I pmsl!

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 31/03/2016 08:43

My non drinking friends are usually the most fun and interesting to be around because they have a natural zest for life and don't feel they need alcohol to bring them out of their shells. I'd be a bit mortified if I surrounded myself with people who were only able to be interesting after a few drinks. How utterly tedious. And that's not me being noble, that's just how it is. I'm totally comfortable either way, but do get really pissed off when people who choose not to drink get called 'boring' and 'uninteresting', 'self righteous', etc.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/03/2016 08:43

she is BU, its the same with newly converted vegans too (well the ones I know)

they make you feel so bloody guilty!

I would head off the charge as others suggested

Summerblaze100 · 31/03/2016 08:45

I'm baffled as to why you prefer people who drink. What is it about them that is different.

I get why the catsbumface is a problem if you have a drink and they sit there looking as if you are making a stupid decision but if she just said 'go ahead' and then carried on chatting as normal, would that have been a problem.

AliciaMayEmory · 31/03/2016 08:45

^^ what you said there, OP, speaks volumes about how you feel about non-drinking folk.

Pandora2016 · 31/03/2016 08:49

I went on holiday with a teetotal friend a couple of years ago. I drank, she didn't. No big deal really.

It only matters if you want to get really drunk and that's not something I ever want to do again.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 08:54

I cannot for the sake of me see how this is an issue.

But then I am not British...

What does it have to do with being British aurynne??

Roussette · 31/03/2016 08:56

They are sounding like rather boring friends especially if they are judging you.

It is your holiday, a time to relax and kick back with your DH, and if you want to have a few drinks together -or indeed get ratarsed together-- you are entitled to. Personally, I couldn't be going on holiday with them as they sound hard work.

I'd be fine with the non drinking friends at home on a night out. On holiday - no, probably not, as it sounds like they are trumpeting their newly found non drinking habit from the rooftops and it's tedious.

LittleLionMansMummy · 31/03/2016 08:58

Op I'm sorry but your mum sounds a bit like my dad - who is actually a 'functioning' alcoholic who cajoles others into drinking with him to minimise/ take the attention away from his own habit. That behaviour/ attitude is very destructive actually so it's no wonder your friend is picking up on it. Don't expect her to not judge you if you blatantly look down your nose for the decision she's made. It is not a normal reaction or attitude to believe drinkers are in some way superior to non drinkers. This is the nub of the issue I think.