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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guests - cheeky request?

144 replies

Toast3 · 29/03/2016 20:57

We had friends over for dinner on Easter Sunday night (2 other couples). Both couples stayed the night... I cooked a massive meal and we all spent a lovely night around the table getting pissed, eating and chatting. I cooked a big brekkie the next morning too. Each couple brought 2 bottles of wine with them, flowers for me etc.... We got through masses on the night....too many to count -admit to- lol

We didn't open one of the bottles of red that one of the couples had brought with them and as they left (he) asked if they could take it with them as we hadn't drank it.... My hubbie said 'bugger off I've got my my eye on that for later' - in a jokey way.... He couldn't believe that his friend had actually asked..

.I think we'd got though about 12 bottles between us, port, beers as they arrived etc.... it just made me feel really uncomfortable and cringey.... AIBU?

OP posts:

QuimReaper · 31/03/2016 14:06

We also know a couple who usually bring a bottle when they come over, but when He comes alone, he comes empty-handed, so I know it's only Her that thinks of it.

He actually invited himself over for dinner right before they moved house, because everything was packed up. All good, love to see him and happy to help. He came empty-handed as usual, and sunk a load of Prosecco as usual (and I cringed on his behalf as usual), and then halfway through the meal he announced "I've left a bottle of Prosecco in the fridge for the guy who's moving in, as a welcome gift" That person's a complete sodding stranger! It was like he was deliberately drawing attention to the fact that he had donated nothing!

It did make it clear to me that he simply has no idea anybody could consider it a faux-pas though.

sashadasher · 31/03/2016 14:49

I wish your dear hubby would give classes to others out there, well handled.Honestly some people have no idea of basic manners YANBU and shouldn't give it anymore thought .

catlover97 · 31/03/2016 14:56

Another fan of these threads

DSis has always been v generous but since marrying tighter than a gnats arse BIL penny pinches all over the place! At Xmas DBro hosted...mountains of food, drink, the works...he also paid for Dsis/BIL to stay in a local hotel as there weren't enough bedrooms. Dsis/BIL's contribution? Not only did they turn up empty handed, sit around waiting to be "served", at the end of the stay they bemoaned the fact that their paid for hotel was cold and the mattress uncomfortable! How DBro/SIL kept their mouths shut I'll never know!

LPickers · 31/03/2016 21:41

I think its rude. If nobody drank any wine that night, then it may not have seemed quite so rude, but usually wine is brought round as a gift to the host.

I must admit that I have perhaps been guilty of one of the scenarios mentioned here - guests have bought wine round and I have opened some we already have, and put theirs aside and it sometimes hasn't been opened. I have obsolutely no idea about how much different types of wines cost - I wouldn't know if their's was more expensive than mine! Perhaps they are thinking - cheeky gits giving us their cheap plonk and shelving our expensive one. I love a rich, oakey taste, and find that has little to do with price; just luck.

SylviaWrath · 31/03/2016 22:25

It's not because I'm tight, I just literally had no idea that it was the done thing to leave it with the guests!I was of the opinion that I took my drink, so I took it back if it didn't get drunk

How could you possibly think that, if you were drinking wine/whatever that either the hosts provided or other people brought? How could you imagine that its ok to drink other peoples booze AND take home what you brought with you as well?

Unless you are actually a student and you bring your own cans and only drink those, then its just about acceptable to take them home, but even then its proper form to leave them for the host as a thanks for providing the gaff/food etc.

MissTurnstiles · 01/04/2016 00:22

Right. Here's how it works.

Susan and Peter invite you to dinner. You say, 'how lovely, we'd love to come. What can we bring?'

This is where two possible outcomes arise.

A: Susan and Peter say, 'how kind. We are having fish pie / venison / pasta. Would you like to bring a bottle?'
You choose a bottle of wine with the planned meal in mind. You should expect it to be opened and drunk that evening because you have brought a contribution to the meal, just as you would eat a pudding or salad that you had contributed.

In situation B, however, Susan and Peter say, 'Oh, no need to bring anything.' You take a bottle of wine because of course you would never go empty-handed, but this time it is a gift for your hosts and you should not expect it to be drunk at the meal. It might not suit the food; it might be bad wine; it doesn't matter. It's deeply galling if your thoughtfully selected wine is left on the rack while your host serves Blossom Hill but that's just the way it is.

OP, YANBU.

CallieG · 01/04/2016 04:37

That is just ...so....RUDE! To sit there and stuff himself with your food not just for dinner but brekkie too, guzzle gallons of yours & other people's wines 7 then have the cheek to ask to take the wine back because it din't get drunk , bottles of wine brought for Dinner parties a re Gifts for the Host/ess , they are not "Loaners" geezus what a wanker.

sandgrown · 01/04/2016 06:49

A few years ago DSS and GF were coming for Christmas dinner. A few weeks before GF mentioned her parent s would be on their own so I invited them too. ( much to DP' s delight as her father is very opinionated!) They only told us two days before that they were actually coming. They arrived with lots of cheap wine and a bottle of port. They consumed all their wine plus the nice stuff we bought (just knocked it back like plonk so I did swap some for cheaper bottles!). We never got round to the port so when they left they just picked it up and took it home. They never lifted a finger all day!

dulcefarniente · 01/04/2016 08:07

One xmas the xILs decided that we would split the catering between everyone and agreed who was bringing what. Everyone arrived with generous amounts of what they'd agreed to bring, plus wine, apart from xSIL who was responsible for nibbles. Her contribution was a single jar of chilli flavoured peanuts. She then ate for Britain and was at the front of the queue for leftovers to take home. She then got the hump because somebody had been eating her peanuts - apparently chosen because she didn't think anyone else liked them It was pointed out that as she didn't want to share she needed to make a financial contribution but that never materialised. Not a lack of money just incredibly tightfisted.

PestilentialCat · 01/04/2016 08:54

Agree YANBU. The wine is a gift. If you take a bottle you want to drink you are suppose to tell the host you "would like to taste the wine".

SanityClause · 01/04/2016 16:46

The wine you take is a gift. The hosts may choose to mull it or wash the dog with it. What they do with it is none of your business!

There is no need to take wine. Chocolates or flowers or any other gift is fine, too, unless you have specifically been asked to provide wine.

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 01/04/2016 17:47

DizzyBintess I occasionally do that as well, I know exactly what you mean!

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 01/04/2016 17:49

ALemony hang on...he takes home undrunk cider that HE DIDN'T BUY?

LaContessaDiPlump · 01/04/2016 18:01

Never, ever, EVER take the gift home again unless specifically ordered to. Even then, check if they are absolutely certain.

If I take food to a party and some is left over, I put that in a dish belonging to the host and carefully clingfilm it up before rinsing the dish I brought with me and taking that home.

Sallystyle · 01/04/2016 18:22

Some people don't see it is a gift.

If I go round my families we bring drink we like knowing that they will have to buy less drink. I hand it over and it goes with the other drink. It is not a gift, I'm contributing to the alcohol.

I have never asked for any back, I don't care much about alcohol to want it back but I can see why some people might as they don't think of it as a gift either.

I often bring a couple of cans of pepsi max to drink as I'm not a big drinker. I would take any unopened ones back because I brought it for me to drink, not anyone else and it isn't a gift.

SylviaWrath · 01/04/2016 19:20

Sometimes its a gift, sometimes its a contribution. It depends. I might go to a dinner party with a 2 bottles of wine, and possibly some chocolates and/or flowers. In that context the flowers/chocs are the hostess gift, and the wine is more of a contribution to the meal. Which they can open and pass out or not, up to them. Unless I specifically ask them to as its my favourite or whatever. Last time we took a few bottles of a wine we had discovered and thought our friends would appreciate , so we specifally opened it for everyone to try.

It's all about the context and the company. Family is different to friends who are different to work people guests and so on.

But no matter what, you never ever take home bottles of wine unless specifically given some unasked from the host!

APomInOz · 02/04/2016 10:35

When you host a dinner, the idea is that you have probably chosen wine to go with the food that you have prepared. The wine the guests bring is supposed to be a gift to say thank you. Damn bloody cheeky to ask for it back!

MLGs · 02/04/2016 13:02

Yes it was cheeky but your husband dealt with it in perfect way. Jokey but firm. No need to dwell on it now as he handled it well.

Original poster

Toast3 · 04/04/2016 16:01

Some really interesting, and comical, stories lol - I've really enjoyed catching up on this thread - thanks all 👍

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