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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests - cheeky request?

144 replies

Toast3 · 29/03/2016 20:57

We had friends over for dinner on Easter Sunday night (2 other couples). Both couples stayed the night... I cooked a massive meal and we all spent a lovely night around the table getting pissed, eating and chatting. I cooked a big brekkie the next morning too. Each couple brought 2 bottles of wine with them, flowers for me etc.... We got through masses on the night....too many to count -admit to- lol

We didn't open one of the bottles of red that one of the couples had brought with them and as they left (he) asked if they could take it with them as we hadn't drank it.... My hubbie said 'bugger off I've got my my eye on that for later' - in a jokey way.... He couldn't believe that his friend had actually asked..

.I think we'd got though about 12 bottles between us, port, beers as they arrived etc.... it just made me feel really uncomfortable and cringey.... AIBU?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 30/03/2016 15:51

Sounds like CheekySod was still half-pissed.

It may well go down in his "my buttock-clenchingly awful" moments when he sobered up and thought more closely about what he'd said.

And all for just a tenner 's worth of plonk, eeek!!

Your DH was spot - on with his come-back!

Firsttimemom2013 · 30/03/2016 15:52

It was rude yeah they had given it as a gift well handled by your husband!!

MadAbyLady · 30/03/2016 15:58

Meandmyson- to be fair to my FIL, he doesn't drink wine and he as very chuffed with himself for choosing what he thought was a posh bottle at a bargain sale rate. We pretended it was the best thing we drank all year. Grin

toomuchtooold · 30/03/2016 15:59

It wouldn't bother me but I'd never do it myself. Maybe when I was like 22 and we went to house parties/each other's flats to "get ready" for going out.

expatinscotland · 30/03/2016 16:00

'I've done this. Is it really not ok? Oh dear...'

Really, really not ok.

I'm staying with a mate next week. Since I will be flying on EasyJet and not checking in a bag, I sent wine ahead. It's a gift.

whois · 30/03/2016 16:06

My Dh would do that, he just wouldn't realise others would find it rude, but seriously, does it matter?

OMG do you get invited to many dinner parties?? At least you know now, it is rude. So you can explain to your socially inept DP n

flingingmelon · 30/03/2016 16:10

YANBU - if he liked it that much he should have bought a bottle to have at home!

expatinscotland · 30/03/2016 16:19

Yeah, it matters. So you tell your DH not to do this because it's rude.

MrsSparkles · 30/03/2016 16:20

YADNBU - I still haven't forgiven my BIL for coming to stay for a whole week over last Christmas to which their contribution was 6 bottles of wine (to put it in context over Christmas/boxing day we hosted for 14). 4 of which we didn't drink, I couldn't believe the cheek when I saw him putting them back in his car to take home.

I fed, watered, cleaned and tidied up after them for the whole bloody week, they didn't lift a single finger. I refuse to have them back now for more than 1 night, they can go and stay in a hotel if any longer.

I'm so angry now just thinking about it! I always take a gift for the host plus wine and it all stays behind.

MrsHathaway · 30/03/2016 16:22

I learned that as host you say: "Thank you, how lovely. Shall I open it now or would you like some of Blue Nun/Châteauneuf du Pape that's on the table? Do help yourself while I check the oven."

Equally as a guest you can bring your nice wine at the right temperature and say: "These roses/Roses are for you. I've also brought this Aldi Prosecco that's been recommended. I've kept it in our fridge so it's ready to drink now."

I send people home with stuff because (1) we don't drink at home and there's only so much you can cook with and (2) I over cater as it is.

I would still think it rude and presumptuous for someone to expect to take a particular thing home if it hadn't been finished.

Student parties are different: but we're not describing student parties.

LizzieMacQueen · 30/03/2016 16:28

I was always told that you shouldn't serve any wine brought to a dinner party just in case it is awful (because it would be rude to embarrass the guests that brought it).

WhatTheActualFugg · 30/03/2016 16:38

Going a bit OT here, but, do people thing it is rude to take an opened bottled?

I don't mean to a nice evening with friends. But more like going round family for lunch.

I've done this before. Usually on a Sunday. When we've got a bottle that's been opened for the weekend, not finished, and we don't want to drink it during the week.

DH thinks this is really rude but I don't. Not if it's family. It's usually nice wine and would otherwise end up down the drain. And it's always just an added extra, never the actual 'gift'.

Vernazza · 30/03/2016 16:43

No you aren't obligated to open it. The etiquette queen bee (Miss Manners) says explicitly that one need not open bottles of wine received at a dinner party. The gift is just that a gift and it can be opened then if it fits with the meal and what's being served, or saved for later."

MeMySonAndl · 30/03/2016 16:47

Your DH is right, it is rude. You leave the bottle behind.

MeMySonAndl · 30/03/2016 16:49

I think Mrs Manners was not educated in a wine producing country. Would she be thinking of sherry? that lasts for years Grin

WhatTheActualFugg · 30/03/2016 16:50

Really? Even when you're going round your mums??

Is it not the same as taking a half eaten cake? Is that also rude?

waits to be informed that I am totally devoid of all manners

bloodyteenagers · 30/03/2016 16:50

One of the most shocking one I have heard is
This. Thankfully not mine. A few of us was talking about piss takers after witnessing something. Cannot remember wtf it was lol.

So friend years ago was a bit of a push over with a toxic mum (now Nc). For unknown reasons her mums mate was pushed onto my friend, lets call her Lisa. The mate (Zoe) was to stay with Lisa for a week. Really couldn't work out why as mum had a spare room whereas Lisa didn't.
So week turns into a month and Zoe paid for nothing. Somewhere in the middle of this stay, Lisa and her Dh had an event that was prearranged, including childcare. Cancel the childcare it's the least I can do. So they did, and saved money.
Towards the end they had a little party, again prearranged before Zoe stayed. People brought nibbles and booze. they had lots of parties so always started
With the previous left overs before opening up new bottles.. And previous unopened bottles brought out.

So time comes for Zoe to go and she hands a bill. Yes an actual bill. For babysitting that one time. Another time cooking a meal (ingredients not bought by her). Signing for a delivery. And the disruption from the party. She then tells them that she has knocked some off as she is taking some of the booze. 2 bottles of very expensive champagne. Bottle of expensive wine. And expensive spirits. Some of these from parties, some from their own personal use.

She was told to jog on and went to Lisa's mum to complain about how they had taken the piss and refused to pay and taken advantage of her.. One of the few times her mum had backed her up.

LordoftheTits · 30/03/2016 16:53

My parents have a friend who is legendary in their circle for bringing his own drink to parties and then taking it home, whether it's an unopened bottle of wine or a few stray cans of beer from the box he brought. Nobody says anything to his face but they all have a good laugh about it behind his back!

Original poster
Toast3 · 30/03/2016 16:55

Bloody teenagers - your story wins...hands down! Cheeky bugger!

OP posts:
TippyTappyLappyToppy · 30/03/2016 17:14

Very, very VERY bad form indeed. Is he not used to being entertained by proper grown ups or something? Confused He sounds like a broke student at a BYOB party. I'd be making a mental note to not invite him again if I were you!

DieDeutschLehrerin · 30/03/2016 17:34

My DH does this. It makes my toes curl and I have told him not to. I've now told him the whole of MN thinks he's unreasonable. Tbf he did have a reputation amongst our friends for being tight before we got together. He's awesome in many ways and I am slowly relaxing his grip on his wallet.

OohMavis · 30/03/2016 17:40

My FIL does this. Only with EVERYTHING.

The worst example is when he came to look after the children one afternoon while me and DP went to an important medical appointment. Kids had colds so I bought their favourite soup, something easy for FIL to warm up. Bought him a tin too. Said, "there are three tins of soup in the cupboard for lunch, some for you if you fancy it" and off we went.

Came home and kids had been given their lunch. FIL was getting ready to leave, had his coat on and two tins of soup tucked under his arm. "Oh you're taking some soup?" "Yeah well the kids had a tin between and I wasn't hungry so I'm taking these two home for me and gf to have later"

What do you say to that?

OohMavis · 30/03/2016 17:43

He's also taken leftovers of snacks and chocolate I've bought in specifically for their visit. "Oh we didn't eat all of the chocolate"

He's very wealthy.

magratvonlipwig · 30/03/2016 17:49

That's very rude..YANBU..
.I'd offer departing guests things like excess cake or bread rolls ..which need consuming. Alcohol in bottles is brought to the house and mixed in with what the host's provided...you don't get it back!!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 30/03/2016 17:51

Wow oohmavis your father in law needs telling. Some people don't seem to understand the concept that the wine is a gift and obviously still see it as a BYOB so should take it back. It's funny how stingy people can be in the face is someone's generosity, it's just taking people for granted.

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