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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guests - cheeky request?

144 replies

Toast3 · 29/03/2016 20:57

We had friends over for dinner on Easter Sunday night (2 other couples). Both couples stayed the night... I cooked a massive meal and we all spent a lovely night around the table getting pissed, eating and chatting. I cooked a big brekkie the next morning too. Each couple brought 2 bottles of wine with them, flowers for me etc.... We got through masses on the night....too many to count -admit to- lol

We didn't open one of the bottles of red that one of the couples had brought with them and as they left (he) asked if they could take it with them as we hadn't drank it.... My hubbie said 'bugger off I've got my my eye on that for later' - in a jokey way.... He couldn't believe that his friend had actually asked..

.I think we'd got though about 12 bottles between us, port, beers as they arrived etc.... it just made me feel really uncomfortable and cringey.... AIBU?

OP posts:

SouthDownsSunshine · 30/03/2016 12:55

My BIL did this with a case of beer at a party we had. He's very fussy, doesn't drink most beers. He bought himself a case of beer. Then drank the beer that was already at ours. As time went on his beer got drunk as well.

He went home the next day. Then my sister called to say that he'd left his beer behind and could we bring it next time we went to see them. I was ! He had a grump on when I explained the beer had been drunk...

Unbelievable.

lollypops1976 · 30/03/2016 14:07

I remember someone doing this at a party we had and literally taking the last bottle of alcohol left as they were going, before the others - signalling end of party! I didn't stop them as I didn't know what to say!

Tanyaaah · 30/03/2016 14:08

Overshadowed the evening!? Get a grip! My Dh would do that, he just wouldn't realise others would find it rude, but seriously, does it matter?

hel123 · 30/03/2016 14:13

ha, people are funny - they are being unreasonable to take it home - pet hate also when people put your good wine away and give you vinegar instead.

My worst dinner party ever was when a friend and her OH came round, they were staying over as it was a bit of a trek to our new house and we all wanted a drink. I'd been to a lot of effort to cook, so was really surprised when as soon as they had eaten the main course she tossed down her napkin, grabbed her partners hand and said (i kid you not) 'We're just off for a shag, we'll be back in 5 minutes'. I laughed as I thought she was joking but then gobsmacked when they went off into my spare room!

(BTW this was way before any of us had kids or were thinking of them - and they lived together so not desperately short of places to do it!)

PPS. they were back in about 4 1/2 minutes so not sure it was even good sex!

woodsies1975 · 30/03/2016 14:17

YANBU. That's rude.

I know it's a little different as it's my Dad but he does the same thing. He brings wine when he comes to stay but leaves the bottles in the boot of his car and brings them in one by one as we (actually mostly he) drinks them. If there is any left when it's time for him to leave, even half a bottle, he will take it home with him. He also has things like a box of chocs in his car and when he goes out for a fag he will eat a few chocs too but never bring them in for us all to share.

puzzledbyadream · 30/03/2016 14:17

I've done this. Is it really not ok? Oh dear...

ANGELA446 · 30/03/2016 14:20

Well cheeky!!! I wouldn't dream of asking for wine back and if I am hosting, tend to have enough decent plonk in the house to keep everyone happy and accept any wine brought as a gift! :-) Well done to your husband!!

LauraF94 · 30/03/2016 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

whattheseithakasmean · 30/03/2016 14:25

I've done this. Is it really not ok?

It is really, really, really, very not OK!

DiscoGlitter · 30/03/2016 14:26

I've done this in the past.
It's not because I'm tight, I just literally had no idea that it was the done thing to leave it with the guests!
I was of the opinion that I took my drink, so I took it back if it didn't get drunk.
Seemed totally logical to me.
I blame never holding dinner parties and basically not being a proper grown up to realise that was the done thing!
Young and student mind set and experiences. It was a thread on here a few years ago the same as this one which made me go "ooops!"
I buy wine and leave it for the hosts now.

WizardOfToss · 30/03/2016 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadAbyLady · 30/03/2016 14:30

Then they're cheeky gits. I remember going to dinner at future FIL's. He's not a drinker and we were in a touristy town nearby when we found a lovely wine shop. I decided to splurge on a £30 bottle which the owner helped select specifically for the meal. When we got to FIL's we went to open the bottle to let it breathe an hour before. FIL wouldn't hear of it - he'd already found a great bottle on sale, he said. It was one of those permanently on special for £3.99 cheap ass wines with a fancy label.

I could've cried through my plastered on smile. And I still knew there was no way to take the bottle home.

chelseabuns2013 · 30/03/2016 14:32

Someone called me out for taking home my nearly full bottle of Bacardi I took to a family gathering once. Nobody else was drinking it and I didn't want to waste my money on a bottle languishing at the back of a sideboard. The women was and still is a gobshite it wasn't her house/party or family so sod it! When people come round here their is no charge applied either actual or implied.

Original poster

Toast3 · 30/03/2016 14:38

Hel123 I love the shag story! Surprised they didn't take their wine with them! Lol

OP posts:

CalculatorMum · 30/03/2016 14:41

Very rude and have experienced lots of times!
I once won a prize in the pub. Not loads but enough for a generous round for the people we were with. One guy said he was driving and it wasn't fair.
Low and behold the next night out when he wasn't driving he asked for an expensive cocktail as he had missed out before.
He really expected me to go and buy him it too!

Camelandmaus · 30/03/2016 14:51

Had not long moved into first house with now ExH (about 20 years ago) and planned a BBQ/housewarming. In the spirit of getting on with the neighbours we told them about it and told them they were welcome to join us. On one side were a -very odd/hoarder style- eccentric couple (probably in their 50s).

They came and brought a bottle of homemade gooseberry wine.

He then proceeded to drink half of another guest's bottle of Jack Daniels (who was not impressed) and still had the cheek to ask for his gooseberry wine back -he was welcome to it-

PS. Only my second post on here but I don't think I've got the strikethrough working unless it doesn't show up in preview?

Camelandmaus · 30/03/2016 14:52

Nope didn't work - maybe it's the Arabic keyboard I'm forced to use here.

MeMySonAndl · 30/03/2016 15:01

How rude.

I have not yet had someone wanting to take the wine back, but I had a couple (and friends) who we invited for New Years Eve but didn't bother to reply despite we asking them a week in advance.

Around 4 pm they rang to let us know they will be arriving at 7 and would bring a salad. We rushed out to get something quick that could be presented as a new years dinner and something for the children. They showed up with the crappiest bottle of wine that could ever be found in a supermarket, and a rather basic salad.

The husband then got in huff because we only had wine (part of which he brought himself) and kept making comments on the night about being annoyed that we didn't provide bitter beer which was the only thing he would happily drink.

Around 10, they announce that they actually have another party to attend so they are not staying until midnight, but stayed anyway because they couldn't find a taxi (they have left the car at home as they wanted to drink).

At 1:30 am they asked for a lift home, I said no as I had been drinking, they get in a huff about the cruelty of making their children walk and the impossibility of finding a taxi. I stood my ground, so they took the remains of the already wilted salad and walked home offended.

We have not invited them since, and really don't bother in accepting invitations from them either. They simply seem to expect a feast when we are paying and keep it down to Pimms and crisps when it's their turn.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 30/03/2016 15:01

We had friends come over just after Christmas. They brought us a very cheap Tesco value type Christmas cake, actually bragged about how cheap it was, then proceeded to scoff every last crumb of my gorgeous and substantial homemade cake. They then added insult to injury by even taking their cheapo cake home with them.

My Christmas cake adoring teens were murderous.

QueenofThebes · 30/03/2016 15:05

YANBU. As others have said when you bring something to someone's house you do not ask for it back when you leave. Would you do that with a bunch of flowers you'd bought for your host?

I celebrated a significant birthday and DP paid for us and 3 other couples to stay at a lovely cottage for the weekend, as well paying for the cottage DP brought lots of wine/beer and laid on a caterer for the Sat night. One of the couples brought a few bottles of beer, he then proceeded to drink all the beer DP had brought and then had the cheek to take his home again. He never offered to put any money towards the weekend, unlike his OH. RUDE!

MeMySonAndl · 30/03/2016 15:11

MadAby, we had something like this, one of my cousins is married to the snobbiest person on the planet and who is always bluffing about his "wine collection". I happen to know a bit of wines after trailing from wine tasting session to another one with my exh. And I know he wouldn't know whether a wine was good or bad unless it had the price written on the bottle.

He is also a surgeon and he had recently taken care of my mother, my dad decided to get a very expensive bottle of wine as a thank you. He got one that was more than $150 dlls. They guy looked at it with disdain and said he would bring something better from his collection and presented us with an average bottle of wine. I was absolutely horrified, and mortified at seeing the expression of my dad.

In a smaller scale, I think that is also quite rude not to open the wine that guests bring, you may have carefully chosen a wine to specifically go with the food, but there is no reason why the bottle couldn't be opened and served before dinner is served.

SanityClause · 30/03/2016 15:14

If you take wine to a party, it is a gift. So, it's actually also really off to be upset if it isn't drunk at the occasion, in favour of a less expensive wine.

woollytights · 30/03/2016 15:15

Why are both of them rude because one of them asked to take it home? Or did they pipe up in unison?

To be honest it doesn't matter really. Obviously they brought it with the intention of it being drunk, nobody wanted it, so thought they'd take it home so they could have it. It's not rude or shocking or worth dwelling over.

I actually can't believe the perceived etiquette rules some people apply to old friendships. It sounds like hard work.

MeMySonAndl · 30/03/2016 15:29

Nah, if you have good manners you open the bottle of wine regardless of the quality to show appreciation for it. Putting it in a cupboard or saving it for later is just rude. A bottle is not a toy to save for later. You don't have to finish it but you certainly have to open it.

SanityClause · 30/03/2016 15:37

No, it is rude, woolly, considering the OP had provided and cooked all the food.

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