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AIBU?

Guests - cheeky request?

144 replies

Toast3 · 29/03/2016 20:57

We had friends over for dinner on Easter Sunday night (2 other couples). Both couples stayed the night... I cooked a massive meal and we all spent a lovely night around the table getting pissed, eating and chatting. I cooked a big brekkie the next morning too. Each couple brought 2 bottles of wine with them, flowers for me etc.... We got through masses on the night....too many to count -admit to- lol

We didn't open one of the bottles of red that one of the couples had brought with them and as they left (he) asked if they could take it with them as we hadn't drank it.... My hubbie said 'bugger off I've got my my eye on that for later' - in a jokey way.... He couldn't believe that his friend had actually asked..

.I think we'd got though about 12 bottles between us, port, beers as they arrived etc.... it just made me feel really uncomfortable and cringey.... AIBU?

OP posts:

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MumsTheWordYouKnow · 30/03/2016 17:54

I mean 'in the face of'. And the couple saying they're going for a shag, you wouldn't want them visiting again. That's ridiculous and weird!

iMogster · 30/03/2016 18:13

People are so variable. If I have a party at mine, some bring lots of wine, some bring 1 bottle between two and others nothing.
To ask for a gift back, is plain rude!

PhoenixReisling · 30/03/2016 18:20

I invited a friend around for a few drinks. When she left, she took her unfinished bottle with her, I wasn't offended as she drinks red wine and I don't (so would have only been poured away).

However, I would never dream of taking back wine etc that I had bought as a gift for a host. It is just so incredibly rude and entitled.

ShapeBandit77 · 30/03/2016 18:23

I have a friend who always comes around with a 6 pack of Stella and then drinks all the ales. So tight. He has never asked to take his Stella home which is nice, but who drinks Stella!

MrsHathaway · 30/03/2016 18:30

I was always told that you shouldn't serve any wine brought to a dinner party just in case it is awful (because it would be rude to embarrass the guests that brought it).

Quite so. Which is why you ask, and give them the opportunity to say "oh no, keep it for another time, whatever is open sounds wonderful".

SummersMumma · 30/03/2016 18:32

Bil once asked for half a bottle of diet coke to take with.....

CreepingDogFart · 30/03/2016 18:56

Rude and embarrassing. Well done to your DH for setting him straight in a non-confrontational way.

Toast3 · 30/03/2016 19:24

Thanks for all the responses - an interesting mix but clearly the majority didn't think IWBU....
To be clear, the couple concerned brought 2 bottles of Rioja - we drank 1 of them. The other couple brought a Chianti and a white... After the 1st Rioja was finished the 2nd couple opened their Chianti..... We had put another 4 bottles on the side (of Chianti) so they just sort of carried on with the theme.... So it wasn't as if we stashed the 'good' wine and gave them crap..... That's not counting the white and the prosecco that slipped down far too easily....
It's no big issue, I just felt a bit weird that he'd asked so thought I'd ask...
Can't believe my first post made the Facebook page! Hope they don't read it lol

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 30/03/2016 19:29

Usually I agree with the points about wine, but the 'you have to open any bottles brought to a meal' approach has me puzzled. If you invite four couples, and they each bring a bottle....do they each really expect you to open the four random bottles rather than serving the (most likely more than four) bottles chosen to match the food and each other? And does each couple expect to be served their own bottle, or the first five or six people get a glass of the first bottle. And if you ask 'would you like me to open this' or are you happy with the bottles we have, what is the right thing to say?

Puzzlin'. Very puzzlin'.

magratsflyawayhair · 30/03/2016 20:38

I'm with the 'they were rude' band. Taking a bottle or two when being hosted is, to me, my thank you gift for being invited into someone's home and fed!

Vernazza · 30/03/2016 20:41

Sorry for going OT - gawd YES it's rude!!!

whois · 30/03/2016 21:01

Going a bit OT here, but, do people thing it is rude to take an opened bottled?

Rude to an actual dinner party. Not rude if you're just going round to your best mate's house to watch TV. Ok with family if the wine needs drinking, but id probably take a full bottle as well.

BitchyComment · 30/03/2016 21:14

I think it's a bit but not the worst thing in the world and to be fair he was probably pissed and hadn't thought it through. If he's generally a nice bloke I'd dismiss it as a drunken pollocky comment and not give it anymore thought.

You DH handled it brilliantly.

BitchyComment · 30/03/2016 21:15

pillocky not pollocky

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 30/03/2016 21:26

when I take wine I say ' here is a bottle to go with the meal' in the hope it is opened or 'here is a nice bottle for you as a thank you' meaning it's a gift to keep or serve as they wish. if I host and there are lagers or pear cider left I offer it back to the person who brought it as we don't drink it, if they say 'no no it's ok' I insist and say if you don't take it you will get it served next time you come over as we don't drink it.

WonderingAspie · 30/03/2016 21:35

It would never occur to me that this is rude at all. But then I'm not really up on social etiquette and mainly don't have a clue.

I've never actually asked for it back but I've wondered why I had to leave it. As an aside, I don't like much alcohol and only drink specific (cheapy) wine and I don't want other people's as I don't like it (they always get me to try, I usually don't like it). I'd rather bring my own and stick to it, but from this thread I see people don't normally. I've never been a dinner party person either. Would never occur to me to take flowers or something, seems weird tbh. I'd probably find it odd if someone turned up with flowers for me as well.

I grew up with GPs where my nan just did everything and provided everything (they weren't drinkers though so alcohol was never a factor). When I met DH's family, I found it odd that we were expected to take food along if we were invited over for a BBQ or a meal at his uncles. We went to my nans for Christmas and she doesn't normally have Yorkshire puddings so I offered to get some and she wouldn't hear of it and insisted she buy them. I guess it depends on upbringing in some cases.

Dizzybintess · 31/03/2016 00:16

Very rude especially if you had hosted a party.

I only drink vodka as wine gives me slamming headaches. If I go to a party I will take my own vodka and mixer and also a bottle of wine. I will give the wine to the host and explain I have brought my own vodka for myself. On the rare occasion someone else prefers vodka to wine I always share. I will usually take the bottle home then if there is a lot left as no one I know drinks the stuff. And it's expensive.
I always feel weird about doing it even after giving wine as a gift.

Dizzybintess · 31/03/2016 00:19

However if I go to a dinner party I drink wine and shed loads of water and still give a bottle x

honeyroar · 31/03/2016 00:24

I think they're rude. I love your husbands reply. He could have also said "yeah, take it home, just pay a third of what we spent on the wine we drank instead?"

ALemonyPea · 31/03/2016 00:31

Good on your DH.

My BIL is like this. We have the misfortune joy of his company every other month, for the full weekend. He never puts his hands in his pockets, we buy everything. DH usually buys a crate of cider, and whatever isn't drunk, BIL will take his half home with him.

One year, after a Christmas visit, he asked for a half eaten packet of pretzels to be posted to him. I'd thrown them away as they were open and stale. Upon his next visit he insisted I replace them

Can't stand the bloke.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 31/03/2016 00:38

I remember going to a dinner 'party' where we took a bottle of wine (midweek for various reasons) and that bottle of wine was opened and shared out between 4 of us.
The DH of the other couple was eventually prodded by the DW into offering another drink whereupon 3 of us said 'Oh red again please'. And he grudgingly announced he'd have to go to the offy 3 doors down. Or we could have water.
He was fond of announcing how fabulously well paid he was.
They're divorced. She's still lovely.

Italiangreyhound · 31/03/2016 00:49

YANBU very rude of guest to try and take their wine back.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/03/2016 06:46

ALemonyPea why on earth do you continue to host him?! He sounds awful.

ALemonyPea · 31/03/2016 11:09

It's because he is the only family DH has left since his mam died last year. DH thinks the sun shines out his backside, there is a big age gap and BIL mor wor less brought DH up. Whole back story, deserves its own thread really.

I try to be around as little as possible when he is here.

QuimReaper · 31/03/2016 13:54

I LOVE these threads!

What irritates the fuck out of me is that whenever I host, I always buy gallons of Prosecco. Why? Because the minute everybody sees Prosecco being drunk, they all want some too. Do they actually BRING Prosecco? Do they fuck. The next morning I always end up with countless empty bottles of Prosecco and the kitchen stuffed with all manner of weird beers, ciders, bottles of red and rosé, six-packs of Fosters etc., none of which I drink. Why not just bring what you actually want to drink, especially now Prosecco is £6 or so a bottle, so about the same price as bringing all that other rubbish?

One of these days I will top up my flute with Prosecco and resolutely hand a can of Fosters over to the Fosters donator.

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