Pay day loan and hen do - AIBU

[Henzilla]

Apologies...another hen do one. One of my best friends is getting married. She's not having bridesmaids a few of us friends suggested organising a night out as a hen do but Friend 2 said she had spoken to bride who wants to go away for weekend in London. I said I can't afford a weekend away but Friend 2 went ahead anyway. I take the point - she only gets married once, so figured I'd just find the cash from somewhere. Now Friend 2 says she won't be able to come on the hen do as she has a 6mo. This is perfectly reasonable of course - one of the reasons I suggested a smaller thing so everyone could come! So now I'm in a position where I'm going to be taking out a payday loan to afford a night away that I'll be in charge of.

AIBU to think that her reason for not going isn't better than mine? Yes, I can take out a loan to afford it and she can't leave a baby she's breastfeeding. Am prepared to accept therefore IABU. I know the bride wants to go away and I want her to have a womderful weekend and I don't want to let her down. But I would have spoken to her and gently said is quite short notice for people and let's make it a fabulous day/night in our hometown. It's too late to do that now and I just feel desperately worried about money and that I've been cornered into something where I'm just going to be thinking about every pound so it's not going to be the dream weekend away she hoped for anyway.

[SoThatHappened]

And yes, I have a credit card, and yes, it's maxxed out. I'm not in a good place financially tbh

If you take out payday loans for hen dos and wont say no, I can see why you are in so much debt. What is on the credit card? Essentials? Or rubbish?

[magoria]

Friend 2 is organising something she is no longer going to so she doesn't care how much it costs you.

Don't do it.

You would be crazy to get into debt for a hen night. Especially when the wedding is then only a couple of months and more expense away.

[TheSeptemberIssue]

If the hen only got engaged two weeks ago, then why the hell was Friend 2 booking nights away whilst she was already breastfeeding??? Surely she knew straight away she wouldn't be able to go?!

[Vixyboo]

If the bride is a true friend she will understand

[expatinscotland]

It's not too late. WTAF?! Grow a spine before you fuck up your credit for years paying for a fucking hen do! For real? You're beyond foolish to even consider this. You tell your mate, 'I have no money to go to London. Sorry, but I can't go.'

And that's that.

[Henzilla]

newmum that's exactly it! I absolutely wouldn't expect her to be going away for 36 hours! Which is why when we had an initial conversation and I said I couldn't afford it I hoped we were on the same page. But then bride suggested a weekend away (and tbf to bride with the proviso that's what she would like but anything would be lovely) and Friend 2 told me that we had to do what bride wanted.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Can you talk to the bride, Henzilla? There's no way I'd want a friend to get into such stormy financial waters for my hen do.

And I would be having a sharp word with 'friend' 2 - I'd point out that I told her I couldn't afford the London weekend, and it is bloody cheeky of her to organise a weekend away that I can't afford, then pull out and leave me responsible for it!

[Gazelda]

Have you taken out the loan already? Is anything booked or deposits paid?

Please, please speak with the bride. Tell her you've found yourself in this situation because Friend2 has had to pull out. Tell bride that you've looked at your finances, and honestly cannot afford the trip.

suggest she either asks someone else to take over the London trip, or that maybe she'd be happier having her closest friends (you and F2) having a local do.

Maybe The 3 of you can save towards a London trip when the baby is older.

[Henzilla]

I guess I normally plan quite carefully so I can have nights out on an even footing with friends - they don't know I'm struggling financially.

But this has been too short notice for me to save.

I love my friends and I'm ashamed I can't keep up with them.

[Maisy313]

Seriously don't do it! If you can't say you can't afford (this is a valid reason) then make up an excuse.. But do not go on a weekend you will hate for a bride you will resent on a Pay day loan that will get you up shit creek.

[Elle80]

Oh God. Please do not take out a pay day loan. You are talking 1600 percent APR in some cases. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you and say that you would be better off losing the friendship of the bride than taking out a pay day loan.

[Henzilla]

They wouldn't know I'm struggling I suppose. To reiterate - I have told Friend 2 I can't afford a weekend away. She just said we need to do what the hen wants.

[annandale]

Right, you have got to be fair to the bride - she said anything would be lovely and I'm sure she meant it. Take her up on it and enjoy the night out you can afford with your whole heart. And I'm going to say again to think carefully about what local night you can really afford - tbh I think the honest truth is you can't afford anything at all, but maybe a local beauty spot has a fire circle and you can go and cook dampers and s'mores, neck a few beers and stargaze? Sounds like a great night out to me.

[MyAmDeryCross]

Just to echo what everyone else says.

Don't get a payday loan (if anything ask for loan from bride or friend - sure that will go down like a shit sandwich)

Friend was a complete twat to put you in that position.

[coveredinhopeandvaseline]

You need t watch the film Bridesmaids...at home....instead of taking out a pdl to go to the hen do of someone who got engaged a fortnight ago, getting married in 4 months and expecting a swish hen do.
FUCK THAT!!!!

[Obs2016]

I don't see that the woman organising it, stepping down, affects you at all. If you didn't want to go, or couldn't afford to go, then just should have said before. You are now under no obligation to step into the shoes of the woman who arranged it.
I fail to see what your issue is.

[Maisy313]

I know how hard it is to be in that situation, have lied to get out of simply saying I can't afford it, as unwittingly gave a false sense of being able to keep up out of pride. I would happily discuss sex and birth and personal relationship issues with these friends but couldn't bring myself to say I was skint, until things came to a head with a 30th planned in Le Gavroche and I told the truth. Biggest weight of my shoulders ever.

[Henzilla]

I've taken all your comments onboard - thank you, it's really helpful in terms of making me think clearly.

[Bearbehind]

OP, I don't know what the truth of this situation is but I don't believe it's what you've posted.

No one organises a hen do within 2 weeks of an engagement for someone, ie Friend 2, then pulls out as they've just remembered about their 6 month old breast fed baby.

Likewise, you've said you've told them you can't afford it then said you try to keep up with them.

Whatever the reality, doing something you can't afford to do just to save face is ridiculous.

[LittleRedSparke]

Oh my god - your credit card is maxed out, and you are taking out a pay day loan to go on a fucking hen do!?!?! are you on glue (to coin a phrase!)

A 'friend' who would allow you to do this, is no friend!

[Henzilla]

Myam she hasn't stepped down. Just organising something she will only come to part of.

[coveredinhopeandvaseline]

Seriously though, if you intend marrying less than 5 months after getting engaged you CANNOT expect more from your hen do than a local night out with friends.

[LittleRedSparke]

(i know you are probably feeling a bit battered, but on a serious note, dont do it, a true friend wont mind)

[Henzilla]

We were supposed to be organising - what I thought would be a special night out in town - together

[Obs2016]

Have you committed to anything?
Paid any deposits?
If not, no problem.
You need to give us details, because I can't see what the problem is. You just say you can't afford to go. End of.