Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to allow my fussiest child to dictate the family's meal plan?

148 replies

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 15:52

I just can't deal with the moaning and refusal from my 5yo at every meal time anymore. My parents have been nagging me to just feed him what he'll eat so I have decided to try that.

We went through a meal plan together and he has nominated 14 meals, including vegetables, that he promises he will eat. AIBU to just cook those dinners and nothing else?

OP posts:
thebestfurchinchilla · 29/03/2016 18:38

I have a fussy DD. She has got loads better now she is 12 though. Mostly through the years she liked plain food i.e roast dinner, sausage and mash. The rest of us like this but also spicy foods. If I was making a chicken curry I would put some of the chicken in a different pan and cooked it with a few herbs that she liked and serve it with the same rice we were having. She still doesn't like curry but likes homemade oriental style food now! This was a major breakthrough. So I guess i'd say compromise a bit but I wouldn't let her dictate completely.

hazeyjane · 29/03/2016 18:42

See I just don't see things like, not liking curry, as particularly fussy, that is just having different taste.

It would be chaos at ds's school if they were all allowed to choose meals on the spot, I can't see how it could work!?

thebestfurchinchilla · 29/03/2016 18:42

I just read your child's list Op. I'd settle for that at 5 years old!!!

Avebury · 29/03/2016 18:43

I would be throwing a party if my fussy eater ate the variety of food yours will. You've got a great base range of foods to work with there. I on the other hand have pasta - and only in one shape (which I don't adhere to btw because that is just ridiculous)

Chrisinthemorning · 29/03/2016 18:47

DS, 3.9 will eat- pasta pesto, macaroni cheese, pizza, fish fingers/beans/chips, burgers, fajitas, sausage/ mash/ carrots and roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. That's about it Sad

Original poster
LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 19:08

hazey - there's always a choice of a hot main course, veggie alternative, jacket potato or 'salad bar' which is wraps, plain pasta, couscous, potato salad, coleslaw, salad veg, cheese, ham, boiled eggs. My friend's children's schools are all the same.

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 29/03/2016 19:12

I just can't imagine any of the reception kids (or some of the older ones!) I know being able to decide between a variety of dinners on the spot - lunch would go on for hours!!

At the schools I know of round here, it is either termly or fortnightly menus, I assumed it was the same everywhere!

Original poster
LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 19:14

Yes, they are told what the hot meal is in the morning (we get a menu sent home too) but they can decide there and then what they go for.

OP posts:
MummyBex1985 · 29/03/2016 19:25

Meh, we have four kids. Eldest in particular is a particularly fussy eater.

When they were that age (5ish) I became so fed up with it that they either ate what was put in front of them, or they didn't eat. No dessert, no snacks, nothing.

Oddly enough, they eat fine now Grin eldest isn't happy about it but he at least gets on with it without complaint. And I do make sure I accommodate his tastes as well, but I wouldn't deprive the rest of the family of food they enjoy because of one fussy eater.

MummyBex1985 · 29/03/2016 19:26

I would add though that there's a difference between fussy eating and a genuine dislike of certain foods!

ipswichwitch · 29/03/2016 19:31

I wouldn't be letting them dictate what the whole family eats (that's quite a decent variety btw, my nephew has asd and only eats 4 different foods), but I'd cook extra of what he does like and freeze portions, so when you decide to do something not on his list, he can have that and I'd be putting a little bit of what you're having on his plate. He can either take it or leave it.

I wouldn't worry about him being on the 9th centile either - unless he's 99th for height or something! The law of statistics states someone has to be. So long as he isn't dropping down the centiles nobody will worry about it.

If you're worried about his vitamin intake you could always give him the children's vitamins, so that's one less worry. I think most of us would love to be able to make meals every day that are appreciated and wolfed down by all, but realistically that probably ain't gonna happen!

Panicmode1 · 29/03/2016 19:43

My 5 year old would eat less than half of the things on your list. At school, on the days when I don't do a packed lunch, he will only eat a plain jacket potato and that is it - no veggies, no cheese or butter. He is the youngest of four and I now just cook what I have planned for the rest of the family, and he either eats it, or he doesn't - and there are no alternatives/pudding if he doesn't. Getting him to try new things is a constant, daily, boring battle, but I feel I have to persevere or he will never try new things! I think your 5 year old sounds brilliant to cook for - fancy a swap? Wink

I'm heartened to see that there are other incredibly fussy eaters on the thread who have come through the other side!

yetanotherdeskmove · 29/03/2016 19:51

If I could think of 14 meals my two would eat I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven!!!

yetanotherdeskmove · 29/03/2016 19:56

Seriously though I think if you do that, you will find he gets more fussy. That's the mistake I made when dc1 started fussing, I stopped presenting him with the things he complained about, to make my life less stressful. Now at 5.5 he is terrified of new foods and you can't get him to try anything.
Let him complain, tell him to eat it or not you're not bothered, but it's that or nothing.

Janeymoo50 · 29/03/2016 20:03

Blimey, no way would i allow a 5 year old to dictate the family meals especially when he eats pretty well actually (IMHO).

ZiggyPantaloons · 29/03/2016 20:05

My ASD child - who was not diagnosed at 5 - is also very skinny and at one point, around five, the doctors were suggesting a referral based on 'failure to thrive'.
He will go hungry and not realise it, and then have a melt down.
At 12 he's now moved up from shady area (2nd to 9th centile) to just above it. I know I'm handling him the right way.
It's not just a 'small number' of 'extreme' sensory issues, and all other vague acknowledgements that not every child will eat everything eventually. There are far more children affected than most of you seem to realise, and they don't all get the diagnosis they should have. My son 'passed as normal' until it became critical. I was always HUGELY embarrassed when he went to friends' houses as I had to explain he might reject the wrong sort of pasta or pesto.
It was attitudes similar to those expressed by most of you on this thread that made my life and his far more stressful than it needed to have been. Bitter? Yes. He will now only go to two other people's houses to eat, even when I am absolutely desperate. The others were too rude to him when he was little and he hasn't forgotten.

Spandexpants007 · 31/03/2016 18:35

It is totally different with a child with ASD or suspected ASD.

However I'm totally into doing one meal for the family.

Sprog19 · 31/03/2016 18:48

I'm going to go against the majority here and say I think it's a good idea. As others have said, it's not a bad list at all and it gives him a sense of control ( which imo is often the problem with picky eaters). Maybe after 14 days you could restart the rota and add one tiny new thing to each dish?

HazyMazy · 31/03/2016 20:32

He eats quite a variety imo and the school lunch sounds fine to me, presuming he has varied stuff the rest of the time.

I would serve up whatever and if it's something you know he doesn't like give him fish fingers or whatever he will eat (and is easy). The picking around inspecting everything would really annoy me but I would make a point of ignoring it.

Any child I've known who was faddy (me included) stopped it once into their teens and eating with their friends. They just don't want to look silly to their mates.

Your DS gets enough I wouldn't worry.

chaplin1409 · 25/05/2016 17:04

That sounds a good menu to me, we are limited veg wise in our house. My daughter is fussy and will not eat most of what you have said ahh

TroysMammy · 25/05/2016 17:18

Goodness me. When I was a child we had two food options, eat it or go without. The whole family ate the same food at mealtimes and there was no pandering to anyone.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/05/2016 17:19

How about four times a week you cook meals from his like list, then 3 days you cook food the rest of you like. Those nights your fussy one has leftovers from the meals he likes? That way the whole family gets a say.

I have 2 fussy buggers. One will eat lobster, oysters, fish etc but not red meat unless it's wellllllll done, and nothing in sauces. He won't eat fish fingers, well he will, but pulls off all the batter first. Likes it all plain.

The other won't eat seafood, so on nights we have salmon he'll have something else like quesadilla, but same Veg. He loves red meat and spag Bol/sauces.

They both love Brussell sprouts on the other hand. They won't eat spaghetti or baked beans on toast, or toasted sandwiches.

I just cook what I like these days, and they either eat it or lump it. If they really haven't tried to eat some of it, they get nothing else. If they've tried, they can have dessert and fruit.

Willow2016 · 25/05/2016 18:23

In which universe is that the list of a fussy eater??

New posts on this thread. Refresh page