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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to allow my fussiest child to dictate the family's meal plan?

148 replies

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 15:52

I just can't deal with the moaning and refusal from my 5yo at every meal time anymore. My parents have been nagging me to just feed him what he'll eat so I have decided to try that.

We went through a meal plan together and he has nominated 14 meals, including vegetables, that he promises he will eat. AIBU to just cook those dinners and nothing else?

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:25

Marilyn - it's been about 5 years now and he hasn't yet decided he'd rather eat than go hungry!

diddl - the rest of us just like more variety, risotto, stew/casseroles, fish, stirfrys, a variety of curries and dhals, pies, fritatta, onions and vegetables in things. I don't mind fish fingers and sausages but I'd rather have a fish curry or sausage casserole for example.

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 29/03/2016 16:26

Your fussy eater is better than my good eater 😂

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 29/03/2016 16:27

Do cook thoose things you like tgen and offer him bread and butter.
Missing one meal wont make him malnourished and underweight.

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:28

hazeyjane - that is school meals! He chooses the same thing every day. He would probably have a roast dinner once or twice a week except he's worried they will make him take the vegetables (tends to be things like brocolli, cauliflower, cabbage). Eating meals with his peers at nursery and school has never had any influence on what he eats, he's restricted himself to a smallish range of familiar things since about 9 months old.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:28

it's been about 5 years now and he hasn't yet decided he'd rather eat than go hungry

Eh- I thought he was only 5 years old anyway?

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:31

It wasn't his birthday today Bearbehind

OP posts:

LunaLunaLovegood · 29/03/2016 16:32

I'd probably do a mixture of mostly things you all like, and a meal he 'doesn't like' every fortnight or so.

I thought DD was fussy (compared to rest of the family) and she turned out to be mildly allergic to a few things, hence she naturally had an aversion to them

2rebecca · 29/03/2016 16:32

Does he have sibs? If so it's unfair they don't get to choose meals. I suspect I'd do some food he eats and make extra portions for the days eating food he doesn't but adults usually eat later than 5 year olds anyway unless you have early finishing jobs. We're eating 7-8 ish during the week.

hazeyjane · 29/03/2016 16:33

Ah ok, at my dcs schools I choose the meals.

Honestly it doesn't sound as though his diet is that restricted, certainly not so much that he will suffer nutritionally. But I am coming from the angle of having a ds who eats about 8 foods, and 4 of those are cake, chocolate, crisps and pork pie.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:34

I don't understand- if he is only 5 years old then he won't have been exposed to a full range of food for his entire life.

Kids go through phases- it's not like you've tried to feed him curry/ pie/ dhal/ risotto since he was weaned is it?

As others have said, a bit of variety seems it would suit the others preference whilst potentially getting him to eat other things or just eat what he knows.

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 16:34

Why dont you adapt his meals so if you have a sausage casserole just give him sausage and mash or kee fosh fingers for a night you are having something the res like

cleaty · 29/03/2016 16:34

I don't see it as a big issue if a child does not eat a meal sometimes. I do not always want to eat much at some meals. It is no big deal.

diddl · 29/03/2016 16:36

"the rest of us just like more variety, risotto, stew/casseroles, fish, stirfrys, a variety of curries and dhals, pies, fritatta, onions and vegetables in things"

Yup!

I wouldn't be giving that up!

So no, I wouldn't be letting him dictate all the meals as I don't think it would be fair for others to not be eating what they like & enjoy just because he doesn't.

It goes both ways, doesn't it?

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:37

Bearbehind - yes, they've been on normal family foods from being weaned.

OP posts:

BolshierAryaStark · 29/03/2016 16:38

From your list he doesn't appear to be that fussy tbh, YABU though, there is no way a 5 year old would get to dictate what the rest of the family ate in this house-it's just not fair to everyone else.

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:39

We all eat together about 6pm rebecca.

Luna - he was allergic/intolerant? to eggs as a baby/toddler so I do cut him some slack there although he doesn't react to them anymore.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:43

In that case I think you've been lucky with the others and this DC is probably being more like most 5 year olds

I wouldn't limit the meals to only those suggested if the rest of you would feel you were missing out.

SaintEyning · 29/03/2016 16:45

Ha. My former SDs (16 and 13 now) eat less than half on your list and no more. You don't have a fussy eater. Imagine being limited to making 6 meals and nothing else: roast chicken with baguette and sweet corn; sausage and mash with baked beans; chicken pie (gravy sauce only) and mash; plain pizza; tuna pasta; chicken nuggets and waffles. It did my head in when I lived with their father as I love cooking.

Original poster

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:53

I love that the responses go from "that's not fussy, how much more variety do you need?" to "absolutely don't pander to a restricted diet"

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/03/2016 16:55

My gut reaction is that it is t fair on the rest of the family to miss out on meals they like, to accommodate your fussy child, LittleNelle, but I understand you want to make sure he is getting enough to eat.

As a short term solution, I'd suggest you make some extra portions of the things he will eat - shepherds pie, bolognese, curry etc, so that you can sometimes cook thinks you know he doesn't like, or new things, but can easily and quickly make a meal he will eat, and I'd hope his range of foods would increase.

Maybe if he knows he's not going to have to eat things he doesn't like, this will help him relax enough that he'll be willing to try new things - especially if he sees everyone else enjoying them.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:55

Not sure how you wanted it to go OP - those 2 opinions aren't mutually exclusive.

It's not fussy and there's plenty of choices there but if the rest of your family would prefer even more variety then the general consensus is that that shouldn't be dictated to by a 5 year old.

ouryve · 29/03/2016 16:56

I wish my two were that fussy.

14 meals? I wish.

OohMavis · 29/03/2016 16:56

Fussy or not (to me, fussy is subsisting on chips and cheese alone) you shouldn't let him decide what the entire family eats.

No 5yo should wield that much power. I sound dramatic but seriously, it doesn't end well!

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 16:56

Keep fish* jeez

OnlyLovers · 29/03/2016 16:56

I read on another thread today that someone who was a fussy child was brought up with their mother saying 'This is what I'm cooking; what bits of it are you going to eat?' and leaving it at that:no fussing, no substitutions.

I'd go for that. I wouldn't let a five-year-old dictate what everyone else eats.

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