Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to allow my fussiest child to dictate the family's meal plan?

148 replies

LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 15:52

I just can't deal with the moaning and refusal from my 5yo at every meal time anymore. My parents have been nagging me to just feed him what he'll eat so I have decided to try that.

We went through a meal plan together and he has nominated 14 meals, including vegetables, that he promises he will eat. AIBU to just cook those dinners and nothing else?

OP posts:
CigarsofthePharoahs · 29/03/2016 16:06

My 5 year old is getting better with food fussiness but can still be bad.
I compromise. Every other night I do a meal I know he likes, spag bol comes round quite regularly! Every other night I cook something more to mine and dh's taste. I do keep away from anything too strongly flavoured, but he wasn't going to dictate every meal.
Sometimes he's fine, sometimes he protests, but I'm not making a separate meal for him, neither am I going to massively restrict what we eat as a family.

pigsDOfly · 29/03/2016 16:07

Not sure I'd be letting a five year old dictate the family's diet,. Is he aware you're giving him so much power?

I'd cook food for the family and adapt his so that he has what everyone else has but with minor adjustments to take in what he'll eat.

As pp said he'll never expand his food likes if you don't encourage him to try a variety.

Ragwort · 29/03/2016 16:07

Call that fussy? Hmm

That's more meals that we all like as a family of three and I wouldn't consider us fussy.

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 16:07

14 meals is loads 1 of mine used to have a7 meals she would eat its so hard with fussy eaters just go with what works ime you can feed him something else if you fancy something different.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:07

So what else would you like to cook that he won't eat?

Your list of what he would eat doesn't seem fussy to me- it looks like it covers most people's usual meals.

NynaevesSister · 29/03/2016 16:07

That's not a fussy eater! My sister would only eat peas and sweet corn. That was it. After I left home it was years before I could eat either again!

14 meals is a good variety. If it means someone missing out on their favourite though then you need to plan that in.

That does not sound bad at all TBH. Only eating chicken nuggets or fish fingers would be bad. There are parents everywhere reading this who can only dream of their kids eating that many different veg.

Original poster
LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:09

It certainly seems fussy to me! He won't eat anything unfamiliar and is very suspicious of anything that's mixed up/in a sauce unless he's very sure it's one of his 'safe' meals (cottage pie, spag bol, mild curry) that is made to the exact recipe he knows and I promise I haven't sneaked any tomatoes or peppers into it. I lie about onions and chop them extremely small. He will eat fish fingers or fish pie (with only peas and carrots in it) but won't eat a fish fillet for example.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/03/2016 16:09

But does he eat Japanese or Thai?

I think that's probably the Mumsnet benchmark when it comes to deciding whether one is fussy or not Grin

trashcanjunkie · 29/03/2016 16:09

It's really tough, but I think there's a few things to consider here. Is your dc underweight/malnourished? If so, I'd possibly go with the meal plan for a few weeks BUT the thing I have noticed with pickiness is the circle shrinks if it isn't expanding. What I mean is you might begin with him eating all the foods, but pretty quickly there will be certain ones within that group which become unpopular. If he isn't given the chance to regularly try new foods, it just becomes untenable.

I think the thing to try and address is the attitude to the trying.

We do trying new foods that might be a bit controversial totally away from meal times or the table. I will also offer a non food based reward for the trying of, or re-trying of disliked foods.

I also introduced the concept of tongues, brain and organs all being separate entities, and we even drew pictures with them as cartoon characters. The tongue was a tyrant who tried to rule over the brain and liver etc, and my little boys had to defeat the tyrant.

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 29/03/2016 16:10

Bloody hell if you have a five year old who will willingly eat that list of meals then I really don't know what the hell you are complaining about. That's not a fussy five year old, that's a normal five year old. Confused

teeththief · 29/03/2016 16:11

That's not fussy!! Most children are wary of new foods and need to try them a few times to get used to them. He sounds normal to me Grin

Spandexpants007 · 29/03/2016 16:11

What about cooking something he likes every other day. Me and my children would hate to eat a meal plan dictated by a 5 year old. It also means he doesn't get to try anything out of his comfort zone and will get more and more fussy. I don't offer alternatives when cooing and I don't make my children eat anything. Non of my children starve. They are all on healthy percentiles

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 16:12

Dd wouldnt eat anything that touched that is fussy imo

Original poster
LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:13

Worra - the curry he'll eat is made with coconut milk so that's kind of Thai, right?

The curry he will eat is chicken, peas, peppers with korma paste and coconut milk, so very simple and mild and he carefully examines each forkful and picks all the peppers out. I have made it in the past with peas and sweetcorn just to avoid crying about peppers.

OP posts:
ZiggyPantaloons · 29/03/2016 16:13

I don't think he sounds that fussy! We arranged a meal plan which suited everyone. It included five school-night meals, and one of the four weekend meals. We introduced the different things gradually and at weekends. It wasn't a matter of power for us, it was a practical arrangement which meant nobody could say 'I don't like this'.

My 'fussy' 5 year old turned out to be autistic and dyspraxic, with problems chewing food. so I'd always advocate taking these things carefully!

diddl · 29/03/2016 16:14

What other meals would be added if the others had a say?

I would happily do a simple meal from their menu when they didn't like the family meal, rather than restrict the others I think.

Perhaps he can just go to yourparents for meal times?Grin

hazeyjane · 29/03/2016 16:14

That isn't fussy eating!

I reckon we eat less than 14 meals on a regular basis.

Ds has a very restricted diet, I try to make 2/3 meals a week have elements that he will eat, because it is important that we all eat together as a family.

If I had a 'fussy eater' that is just a bit picky sometimes (which is how your ds sounds) then I would make the meals we want for the majority of the time with the occasional adjustment for the fussy one and hope they accept more variety as time goes on. We do this with dd2 who can be a bit picky.

AtSea1979 · 29/03/2016 16:14

I don't think your DS is fussy, given the list. I think he's just battling for control. If you've said you'll do it then your going to have to do it.
In my house the DC choose one meal each per week and I choose the rest. If they don't eat my choices they don't get theirs. If they don't eat everything on their plate they don't get dessert. If they don't eat it they go hungry. Both my DC will eat anything.

Original poster
LittleNelle · 29/03/2016 16:16

trashcanjunkie - he isn't underweight but is low on the centiles (about 9th I think) so I do feel I'd rather he didn't skip meals.

He also has the same lunch at school every day - tortilla wrap, grated cheese, grated carrot.

OP posts:
Bearbehind · 29/03/2016 16:17

I hate cooked peppers so I'd pick them out too and I'd never choose (but would eat if served) a fish fillet but that don't make me a fussy eater.

I really don't understand what else you'd expect a 5 year old to eat that isn't on the list.

Marilynsbigsister · 29/03/2016 16:17

Wouldn't happen in my house. With 8 dcs you ate what was served. (Suggestions made by all family members). If you were 'fussy' you ate what you wanted. I have never pushed any of them, never refused them pudding for not eating the main meal, but made it absolutely clear there was nothing else. No snacks, no cereal, no nothing.

Couple of my Dsc took a few meals to adjust and thought they would be food refusers, more about a power struggle with us than anything else. Luckily DH supported my stance all the way.
No way was I cooking different meals for ten of us, nor would I let everyone's meals be dictated by a 5 yr old. It took about 2 months, (longtime ago now, but about that time) but by then all dcs and dscs decided it was better to eat than go hungry.

Not everyone is always going to like everything. Forcing (what they perceive to be) unpalatable food on someone is not on. Pandering to fussiness is a fast way to make more fussiness. Instances where children cause themselves medical harm by refusing food are almost unheard of and almost always related to a serious underlying health condition not fussiness.

diddl · 29/03/2016 16:20

Is it more that there's certain veg/ingredients that he doesn't like & others do?

So could you serve his without & add for others iyswim?

hazeyjane · 29/03/2016 16:21

If he was given school meals, do you think he would eat any? As they are free it can be a good chance to try different food with his peers. You could try a couple a week. Of course if he just doesn't eat them you could go back to packed lunches.

Has he stayed on the 9th centile? Is he tall? If he is getting enough nutritionally, I wouldn't worry too much

Aducknotallama · 29/03/2016 16:21

Doesn't look AT ALL fussy to me

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 29/03/2016 16:22

What about a week on the familiar meals and a week off? I tend to vary from day to day between meals I know my children will eat and new things.

When you are doing a week of familiar meals, I would add new side dishes or salads so there is something to try. And similarly, on the week of unfamiliar meals, make sure that there is a side dish he knows and likes. In other words, there will always be something he likes on the table and something unknown.