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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told my kids I have period pain?

72 replies

Bogeyface · 28/03/2016 14:33

Because according to a dear female relative, they "dont need to know"!

They were nagging to go somewhere and I feel awful so we cant. My periods are very short, 2 days usually, but I am in constant dragging pain the whole time and they are very very heavy for those 2 days. I tend to see the pain as a pay off for short periods, but it is horrible. So I said that sorry, not today as I have period pain and wasnt feeling very good. D Mum female relative said it wasnt appropriate, especially in front of DS (10) who didnt need to know.

I said that it was better he learned now how crap it can be so he can be more understanding and supportive to his OH when he is older, but she didnt agree.

So, AIBU or should I say that "Mummy has a tummy ache" whilst retiring to the sofa with a box of paracetamol and a hot water bottle as she seems to think I should?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 28/03/2016 14:35

I think that's perfectly reasonable.

10 is old enough to understand. Get those kids making you cups of tea and bringing you heat packs.

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 14:37

YANBU at all.

Mind you, my Mum was the same as yours.

She was far too 'old Irish and Catholic' to even use the word period. She used to call them 'The other things' Grin

newmumwithquestions · 28/03/2016 14:37

I don't see the problem with telling him the truth. He'll have friends/classmates with periods pretty soon (if not already) so what's the issue with knowing periods can be ruddy painful? YANBU

Original poster
Bogeyface · 28/03/2016 14:43

Its funny really, because she had terrible problems right up until menopause and boy did we all know about it! But then she had daughters, and she was brought up to not mention "womens problems" in front of men.

H is the same. The only male in his family and he still reacts as if he has been tazered when I mention them. He is better than he used to be, my brand of "Dont be so fucking ridiculous" seems to have hit home!

OP posts:
WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 28/03/2016 15:07

Absolutely not unreasonable. The earlier children of both sexes know about them, the more they will be seen as a normal part of life and not serving to be afraid of/ridiculed/avoided.

curren · 28/03/2016 15:11

Absolutely reasonable.

Since my kids never left me alone to pee in piece when they were toddlers they have walked in and seen me changing my pads. I have never hidden it, or pretended it's something that it's not.

My mum is a strict Irish Catholic, she never pretended her periods didn't happen either. But her mum did.

Ameliablue · 28/03/2016 15:13

I think it is fine for a 10 to buy to know. I would be less inclined to tell my daughters though as they are more likely to fret and they will learn all about it soon enough.

Topseyt · 28/03/2016 15:13

You are right.

Personally, I see no point in shielding kids from the truth like that. Tell him if you want to tell him. Pretty soon some of the girls in his school class will begin having periods. One or two maybe already. It is a fact of life.

wowbutter · 28/03/2016 15:13

No, definitely tell them.
I told some children at school, because they wanted me to join in a move in PE that I had demonstrated and I said no, because I have really bad period pains. They were lovely after that, really caring and not at all whiney!

Roseberrry · 28/03/2016 15:14

I've been talking openly about my period in front of ds since he was born, 5 now and he understands what they are for and that they can hurt. It's not a big deal to him as it's never been made a big deal.

Penguinepenguins · 28/03/2016 15:15

YANBU

Sooner they know the sooner they can be supportive, I myself die every time it happens and have no issue moaning about it in front of DP (I hear enough of his moaning the other 25 days a month!) he doesn't bat an eyelid about it is very supportive and has gone out on various errands for me.

I did however once have a boyfriend who went green when I mentioned period pain, he couldn't discuss it at all, was disgusted was very strange to me, but that's how his mother had brought him up he was honestly disgusted that I had mentioned it he was out the door a few days latter he was also a cockwomble and a bad rebound choice - we all make mistakes!

Topseyt · 28/03/2016 15:20

And why not tell boys about it? No reason at all why they shouldn't at least have a basic understanding of what women and girls go through.

I guess your Mum is just old-fashioned and perhaps harking back to a time when these things were totally taboo, at least as far as men were concerned.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 28/03/2016 15:22

Your Mum is a product of her upbringing.

You are rebel long against yours 😁

Your children won't be burdened with that sort of nonsense.

The sooner it stops being 'hushhhh womens problems' the better.

Presuming he ends up with female partners, you are doing them the great favour of not having to educate him that there's more to it than riding bikes in white trousers!

Re your short but painful periods, I'd swap. Mine are seldom very painful at all, but from first spotting to being sure it's finished is 10/12 days. Lots of light stuff either side of two days of quite heavy bleeding. Drives me nuts. I'd rather have it your way.

BennyTheBall · 28/03/2016 15:23

Gosh, how ludicrously old fashioned!

Owllady · 28/03/2016 15:23

Sympathies as my periods are the same. My kids know, I'm not sure why it should be kept a secret! So
Yanbu at all

Happyrouter · 28/03/2016 15:25

I tell mine its period pain when it is. Cant see why you wouldn't. Are we seriously meant to hide and never talk about periods in 2016? Not directed at you op

BackforGood · 28/03/2016 15:27

Going against the grain a bit here.

I have no problem with periods being mentioned in front of boys, but, I don't want any of my dc thinking that
a)period pain is inevitable
b) if you have it, that it's crippling
c) that normal life has to stop because of it.

I know I'm going to get flamed. Grin I know we all suffer (or not) different amounts, but there are thousands of people all over the country in daily pain with all kinds of conditions, that they just have to get through. Find the right pain relief and get on with life. when your dc are of an age when they need to to take them places, I'm inclined to think you can't really afford to take 2 days out of every month to lie on the sofa.

Not that I'm against dc having a bit of "boring time" around the house in the holidays - I actually don't think they should need to be entertained all the time - but if you otherwise would be taking them somewhere, then I'd just get on and do it.

CocktailQueen · 28/03/2016 15:32

I agree. I've explained periods in basic terms to ds (8) as his sister has just started/I've had period pain.

Don't think it does dc any harm to know - helps to develop their empathy.

DeliciousIrony · 28/03/2016 15:33

YANBU. I hate how we're not supposed to talk about periods, like they don't affect nearly half the population. When I was 21, I had some really horrendous period pain one day and took a double dose of painkillers to try and get me through. Not only did it not touch the pain, but I ended up nearly fainting and then vomiting in the loos, and had to go home (silly me for not eating any breakfast with my 4 paracetemol, but there we are, lesson learned).

I had to go home and tell the (older, male) duty manager why. My friend who worked in HR was horrified that I'd mentioned the word 'period' to a MAN. I felt pretty rough and didn't give a fuck at the time, but I was annoyed afterwards that she felt I should have just pretended to have a tummy bug or something. If men were similarly afflicted every month I don't think they'd be so bloody coy about it.

ReadyPlayerOne · 28/03/2016 15:35

YANBU at all.

fakenamefornow · 28/03/2016 15:35

I'm with back a little bit, like her not because it's 'women's problems' but because I wouldn't want them to think pain is inevitable.

I have girls as well and I think it's a shame in one way (only one!) that they stop coming into the toilet with you. As they get older it might be useful for them to see how you deal with periods and what they're like.

DeliciousIrony · 28/03/2016 15:45

But surely if you tell them that you're not feeling well because of period pain, it opens up a conversation that would allow you to also explain that everyone has different experiences of periods, and not everybody suffers? Rather than not mentioning it at all.

Rafflesway · 28/03/2016 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallystyle · 28/03/2016 15:47

I told my 16 year old I have awful PMT so I'm not feeling too good.

He told my husband to go buy me some chocolate because he read somewhere that women feel better if they eat chocolate when they have PMT Grin

YANBU OP.

My 7 and 9 year old often know when I'm on my period. It's just a period, it's normal.

corythatwas · 28/03/2016 15:53

What DeliciousIrony said.

If you don't want them to think pain is inevitable, I wouldn't tell them less: I would tell them more. Like "most women aren't in too much pain and are better for keeping active, but sometimes some women get really bad pain".

My DM had migraines when I grew up: didn't mean we all thought we had to have them. But has helped me dealing with the ones dd gets.

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