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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have told my kids I have period pain?

72 replies

Bogeyface · 28/03/2016 14:33

Because according to a dear female relative, they "dont need to know"!

They were nagging to go somewhere and I feel awful so we cant. My periods are very short, 2 days usually, but I am in constant dragging pain the whole time and they are very very heavy for those 2 days. I tend to see the pain as a pay off for short periods, but it is horrible. So I said that sorry, not today as I have period pain and wasnt feeling very good. D Mum female relative said it wasnt appropriate, especially in front of DS (10) who didnt need to know.

I said that it was better he learned now how crap it can be so he can be more understanding and supportive to his OH when he is older, but she didnt agree.

So, AIBU or should I say that "Mummy has a tummy ache" whilst retiring to the sofa with a box of paracetamol and a hot water bottle as she seems to think I should?

OP posts:

EveryoneElsie · 28/03/2016 17:53

So what if you need to take 2 or more days off every month? If thats what your periods are like, so be it.
No one makes a face when you have to sleep through a migraine. Or if they do they just make themselves look ignorant.

Dont be defensive about how you need to manage your periods, just be matter of fact

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 28/03/2016 17:57

When I was younger I couldn't understand why it stopped some women doing stuff, like swimming & having sex, I'd happily do both when I had my period. I might have though 'Oh FGS, it's just a period, take some paracetamol & get on with it'. I grew up. I realised we aren't all the same and how very lucky I was to have such light periods when I was younger , then no periods when I was on the pill. I'm making up for it now though. So, I try to ignore ignorant people who say 'just get on with it', especially for social activities, why would you take a truck load if pain killers and suffer through it when you could simply go another day.

I'd still swap your pain for my 10/12 days of less pain but more faffing.

🍷🍫💐

Osmiornica · 28/03/2016 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaBelle · 28/03/2016 18:02

I feel really dumb for asking this

But my mum never mentioned periods. Ever. I had a close male friend once who I had a very frank relationship with, however I needed to mention periods one day and just couldn't find the words.

I really want things to be very different with my dd - she is only 17 months atm so a bit young to notice, but could some of you give some examples of how you have made it just part of normal life etc.

Sorry for having to ask

WellThankYouAJPTaylor · 28/03/2016 18:14

YANBU, we should be more open about these things with girls and boys alike.

PollyannaWhittier · 28/03/2016 18:19

I don't have DCs, but if I do have boys I will definitely tell them about periods. I remember when I was about 15, one lunchtime at school the conversation turned to periods and we discovered one of the boys thought a period lasted a couple of minutes - you go to the loo, have your period, and off you go ! We set him straight nicely and didn't laugh at him, but the poor lad was really mortified that he didn't know

WellThankYouAJPTaylor · 28/03/2016 18:36

Well TeaBelle, others might disagree, but my kids are often in the bathroom with me and so they have seen the blood when I wipe, seen me change my pad or my cup etc. As small kids are wont to do, they've asked questions, and I've answered them honestly. So they know:
What a period is
How long it lasts (and that this is different for each woman)
Whether it hurts (not for me, but for some, yes)
The different methods of dealing with it (pads, cups, tampons)
Etc.

ouryve · 28/03/2016 18:40

It probably goes in one ear and out the other, but I'm quite open with my 12 year old about when I'm not feeling as energetic as I could be because of a particularly bad period. It's not just period pains that are the problem, but also weakness, dizziness and nausea, some months. I have a box full of very good painkillers and they don't touch that.

Hulababy · 28/03/2016 18:41

BackForGood

Sometimes it really isn't as easy as get the right pain relief though. I used to get really bad pain, was sick through it. Luckily very short periods though, and did start to settle though only after taking the pill. But there were still the odd day I could barely stand and time GPs were very reluctant to offer anything more than basic paracetamol.

But then after pregnancy it was excruciating pain when they decided to stop entirely. It took me over 4-5 years of pain and chasing at the GP and finally the hospital to get anywhere forward with it. Luckily it has now been solved through a couple of ops and the pain is reduced drastically. But in the mean time I had several years of being really incapacitated to a couple of days a month - and none of the pain killers offered would touch it despite being back and forth at the GPs all the time.

FWIW I do also now have daily pain due to arthritis, so I do know what it is like to have chronic pain due to medical reasons. Again, if only medication could make the aches and pains actually disappear entirely.

I think it is fair enough to let children know that there are times you need time out. And not everyone is fortunate enough to be pain free for many reasons.

Hulababy · 28/03/2016 18:44

DeliciousIrony Mon 28-Mar-16 15:45:12
But surely if you tell them that you're not feeling well because of period pain, it opens up a conversation that would allow you to also explain that everyone has different experiences of periods, and not everybody suffers? Rather than not mentioning it at all.

That's what I did with my DD DeliciousIrony. So when she started periods (age 10y) she knew what they were and how different people can be affected and how some people have no ill effects at all. She had some pains initially but now doesn't suffer at all with them fortunately.

BackforGood · 28/03/2016 18:53

I understand that Hulababy.
I don't think I phrased what I said well enough. I apologise for that.
What I think is important is not to give dc the impression that having a period has to be debilitating. That all women have to stop living their lives every month. I don't want my dc to grow up dreading getting their periods. Yes, there are some people that will be in such pain that pain killers don't touch it (as is the same for other things such as arthritis as you mention), but that's not the 'everyday' or the 'inevitable' and I think it's important dc don't think it is ~ they will all dread growing up!
Bogeyface - I did say in my post that I'm not against dc having a bit of "boring time" around the house in the holidays - I actually don't think they should need to be entertained all the time

Hulababy · 28/03/2016 19:00

I agree with you and, as DeliciousIrony said, its a case of making sure children are aware that things are different for everyone. I believe it is fine for children to know that pain does occur for some people though - for me it would have been impossible to hide anyway - not everyone is affected and for most of the time and for most people there are ways of controlling and minimising that pain.

AGazeofRaccoons · 28/03/2016 19:02

TeaBelle Like others, my dc follow me into the bathroom and have seen it all. When they've asked questions I say something along the lines of - each month my body gets ready in case a baby starts to grow in my womb. My womb grows a nice comfy lining for the baby to grow in, but if a baby doesn't start to grow that month then the lining comes out as blood. Most of the time they're happy with that explanation, occasionally they've asked how the baby starts to grow in my tummy, and I have a similar level conversation with them about that :)

Givemecoffeeplease · 28/03/2016 19:31

I think you are right to tell them and you've made me think about how I will normalise periods to my DSs in the future. Well done you. And get well

kennyp · 28/03/2016 19:37

my kids know when i've got PP (they're young teens). i'm pretty open about everything as i'd sooner they knew what was what from me rather than from their friends who might not have the right information.

ermmm · 28/03/2016 19:38

I get crippling pains aswell. My ds13 has known since he was7/8 that mummy has a few days in a month when she is not well. Now older he clearly know what is going on and is known as 'lady problems' in our house as my dd and I both have periods similar days.

Good luck to dh and ds. Lol

NotNowPike · 28/03/2016 20:07

I too think it's normal to talk about period pain / periods
My dad even used to go and buy our tampons etc
My husband and son have no qualms about buying them either

megletthesecond · 28/03/2016 20:27

Yanbu.

I don't have periods anymore but I've mentioned they can hurt to my dc's.

I used to be floored by mine, my cervix had been damaged which messed everything up.

clarella · 28/03/2016 22:08

YANBU but I think it's worth teaching that not everyone has pain - I don't. Just so it's not a really negative thing. I guess also that perhaps in some cases, drs can help.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/03/2016 22:28

this will make your mums head explode, my two year old boy knew about periods after he spotted the red poo.... and commented on it. better growing up knowing about it as something that happens and is not big deal than finding out at a tricky age and being worried. neither child seems to have been traumatised by it.

MrsMook · 28/03/2016 22:38

I had to give DH most of his education about such matters. Having had sisters he had some vague awareness, but the priests who ran his school weren't terribly informative

Such a contrast to me gaining a curious audience when I'm trying to use a mooncup

ohtheholidays · 28/03/2016 22:42

Of course YANBU if I'm having a really rough time with my period then all of our 5DC know.
The reason being is our oldest DS19 always notices straight away if I'm out of sorts and looking a bit pale and he'll ask me straight away if I'm okay,If I say yes he knows if I'm not telling the truth and would worry about me(I'm disabled and seriously ill now so hiding any health things from our DC isn't something I can do)so I'll tell him and he's really good he'll ask me if I need anything,if I want a drink,if the other DC are being loud or are nagging me he'll tell them to be quiet Mum's not feeling well she's got a really bad period.
Then I usually get our 2 other DS 17 and 14 asking me if I need anything and our DD's 12 and 8 will come and give me cuddles.

My DH has always been really good as well when I'm on my period so I think our DC just take it as that's the way you should be if someone you love is feeling poorly.

The one I'm just finishing now(I hope)has really scared my poor DH this time,were on holiday and I looked like I might end up in hospital after the first two days,I'd lost a stupid amount of blood.

I'm dreading our 2DD's starting they're periods I really hope they have normal periods and don't take after me.

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