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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have told my kids I have period pain?

72 replies

Bogeyface · 28/03/2016 14:33

Because according to a dear female relative, they "dont need to know"!

They were nagging to go somewhere and I feel awful so we cant. My periods are very short, 2 days usually, but I am in constant dragging pain the whole time and they are very very heavy for those 2 days. I tend to see the pain as a pay off for short periods, but it is horrible. So I said that sorry, not today as I have period pain and wasnt feeling very good. D Mum female relative said it wasnt appropriate, especially in front of DS (10) who didnt need to know.

I said that it was better he learned now how crap it can be so he can be more understanding and supportive to his OH when he is older, but she didnt agree.

So, AIBU or should I say that "Mummy has a tummy ache" whilst retiring to the sofa with a box of paracetamol and a hot water bottle as she seems to think I should?

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 28/03/2016 15:55

He told my husband to go buy me some chocolate because he read somewhere that women feel better if they eat chocolate when they have PMT

He'll make some lucky woman a wonderful husband :)

But you need to teach him about the wine.

Mousefinkle · 28/03/2016 15:55

Yanbu at all. I grew up with periods being a complete norm, knew from a very young age what they were and what happened, box of Tampax was always above the toilet etc. All very normal. Raising my DC the same way (except the tampons and pads are in my bedroom drawer ). They always come into the bathroom when I'm on the toilet so have asked about the blood and I've explained. They've asked what the pads and tampons are so I've explained. And I did tell them today that I had tummy pains because of it actually.

Why hide from it?! If they're girls they'll go through it themselves and if boys they may have a partner that does one day. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

MissusWrex · 28/03/2016 16:02

Yanbu at all.

I also grew up knowing all about periods, how my mum had a lot of pain with hers due to endometriosis (sp?), how my aunt had super light quick ones etc.

So when it came to my time I didn't have the slightest freak out. It was normal, a part of life.

Not like my traumatised classmate who started very early at school and had NO idea what was happening to her.

It's got to be better to normalise the facts of life as early as possible hasn't it?

BertieBeats · 28/03/2016 16:02

My son's 5 and already a man of the world Since my children always insist on following me to the loo they've seen everything, in fact son asked me the other month why I had "a worm down there " (tampon string ) They, of course, don't know what it means just yet but that's because they wouldn't understand. I think 10's plenty old enough.

Peasandsweetcorn · 28/03/2016 16:05

I grew up in a household where these things weren't much discussed (well, not beyond being told to be grateful I didn't have to go & wash rags out in the stream). When I went to Uni, I remember being amazed to hear friends not discussing it as such but referring to it openly & being flabbergasted when a boyfriend came to collect me one evening to go out, realised I was in a lot of pain & not only insisted we stayed in but made me a hot water bottle & then went to the corner shop & bought nurofen & chocolate. I felt so relieved & so looked after.He only had brothers so it must have been his mum or previous girlfriends who taught him. DH & other boyfriends who have only had brothers have just looked horrified when I mention periods.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 28/03/2016 16:09

Yanbu.

I have endometriosis. The pain is hell. I tell my DD so she knows I'm not dying. She's almost 4.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 28/03/2016 16:09

YANBU I have two sons aged almost 13 and almost 10. They know all about periods.

I have endometriosis so they have seen me with a TENs machine strapped to my stomach and high as a kite on codeine (although that is rare) They know I have scars on my stomach from a laparoscopy to help with endo. They know that this is not the norm because we have talked about it.

I think the more boys and girls know about this stuff the better. It prepares them, not just for themselves (if girls) but for friends, or sisters or Mums who may not feel great. This is something that happens at least once a month for lots of women. Are we to hide it like when I was a child and they handed you a pack of towels in a brown paper bag like it was something shameful?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/03/2016 16:14

YANBU. I have horrific periods. Have talked honestly with DS about periods - I'd rather he knew about them, better to support and understand friends and family when he's older. Sometimes have shouted for him to grab my mooncup for me as well. He's not traumatized Actually he's very sweet when he knows it's my period. And - to be a bit of an overshare - my periods are so heavy, there is often still blood left in the toilet bowl even after several flushes. Would worry him if he didn't know what it was from.

MetalMidget · 28/03/2016 16:14

Period happen to pretty much 50% of the population, every month, for years on end, so no, I don't think they should be treated like some sort of massive taboo. And although the symptoms vary, some people suffer really badly, so if you're one of them, I don't think it's unreasonable to tell the kids that - just like if you've got a horrendous headache and swollen eyes from hayfever, you'd say, "I'm not feeling well because I have hayfever".

Phalenopsisgirl · 28/03/2016 16:14

How silly, the more normal these things are at an early age the less ' weird' it will be to him later in life. Your friend is clearly a bit Victorian, probably wouldn't have men in the room at births either ..lol

ghostspirit · 28/03/2016 16:16

all my kids know about periods and pains it can cause. the boys know to. just one of them things.

228agreenend · 28/03/2016 16:18

My dc1 suffered from kidney failure aged three. The first sign was blood in his wee. From then onwards, we always said that if he saw 'red wee', then to tell an adult (dh, me or teacher) straight away. However, women can have 'red wee', and then it's not always a danger symptom. I didn't want him to worry if he accidently stumbled across me having a period.

Not quite sure I actively told him when I was having a period though, although my husband quite happily asks publicallu if I've got pmt if in in a mood (dcs now teens)!😠

Husbanddoestheironing · 28/03/2016 16:23

I had a young (21) male student ask me a question about the variable lengths of menstrual cycles recently (we were talking in a tiny study group about something vaguely related for which that info was quite useful) he was a bit embarrassed but really wanted to know and was soon put at ease by myself and the 2 girls in the group. But my guess is that many men don't find these things out very easily. So YADNBU- if your sons can ask you about periods etc then they will be well-equipped for all sorts of things!

CocktailQueen · 28/03/2016 16:26

I agree. I've explained periods in basic terms to ds (8) as his sister has just started/I've had period pain.

Don't think it does dc any harm to know - helps to develop their empathy.

EveryoneElsie · 28/03/2016 16:29

I remember talking to one man who was very dismissive of periods, mainly because he believed we only use one Tampax per period.
I asked him why he thought they were sold in boxes of 24, and he dismissed that as well.

Please tell your kids about the facts of life, otherwise they are either embarrassed when they find out how ignorant they are, or they grow up to be twats.

DeliciousIrony · 28/03/2016 16:32

One tampax per period? Lol.

Dafspunk · 28/03/2016 16:35

Good for you. My mum has not broached the subject of periods since the day I started mine almost 30 years ago and has certainly never mentioned them to my brothers or, presumably, my sister.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/03/2016 16:45

My DD knows all about my periods, afterall, she well have them one day. I want her to be clued up on all the things that she'll experience when shes older.

If she was a boy, I'd still talk about, because then they could have a wife and daughters that go through.

PiecesOfCake · 28/03/2016 16:56

Yes, do tell them.

My mum hid hers and explained very little to me, so I am taking the opposite approach; and DH was probably never told about them and has a funny squeamish attitude to them.

I had to pop to the loo on a family outing and DH was huffing 'why is she taking so LONG' and he told me that our 4yo had explained 'mummy needs a little longer as she has her bleeding at the moment'. I was so proud of her!

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/03/2016 16:56

DS (17) is actually quite sympathetic about my period pains and has been known to offer a hot water bottle. It's absolutely in my his best interests to know these things. (And since I've had endo all his life, he's known about from quite a young age.)

alltouchedout · 28/03/2016 17:00

Yanbu at all. My sons know about periods, sanitary products, etc. I refuse to raise children who think menstruation is shameful, dirty, embarrassing, secret or anything like that.
My youngest cousin was found trying to push a tampon into his bottom (he had a nappy on, there was no danger of him actually succeeding) when he was a toddler.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated · 28/03/2016 17:05

As a child I was slapped for mentioning periods in front of my uncle.

YANBU

Hackedabove · 28/03/2016 17:05

My brother knew nothing about periods when we were both at university, he hadn't had a girlfriend so had no clue, I answered his questions one drunk evening.

I plan to be open with my DSs so they don't see it as taboo.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 28/03/2016 17:26

Thanks all. I didnt think I BU but you know how some peoples reactions can make you question yourself?

Re: the pain. DD (11) did ask me about that and I said that they can change as you get older and thats why it hurts me as they are so short but that neither of her sister get any pain so she neednt worry, and if she does there are ways of dealing with it.

I dont "take 2 days off every month" but given that they are off for 2 weeks I dont think that putting it off until tomorrow or the day after is that bad! I would go to work sure, but work is not optional, a day out that can be done another day is. And I am also presuming that you have never had such pain that you struggle to walk upright? If you had then you wouldnt make such a silly comment about "get on and do it"

OP posts:

WelliesTheyAreWonderful · 28/03/2016 17:41

Obviously YANBU, in fact it's important for boys and girls to know about periods and for them to not view them as a dirty secret.

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