Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

You cannot outrun a bad diet

But a parent shouldn't be allowing a diet bad enough to make that 4 year old fat.

That's the crux of it here. Until that child is an adult, they have to trust their parents to make the right choices for them and set the right example.

Gwen yes it's diet and environment driving people with these genes to become obese. Countries where processed foods etc are less popular do not see the same obesity rates. But we live in a time where there's a huge reliance on suboptimal foods and low levels of physical activity. I'm just pointing out that there are more factors at play- that it's not as simple as lazy greedy parents raising lazy greedy kids.

There are kids who will always want more food, and parents who don't know how to deal with it. Which is why we should be carrying out wide scale public health campaigns (10k step challenges etc), better education at school level, and making good individually tailored dietary advice available to those worried about their children's weight. We can self refer to HVs, GPs, SLT- why not the same access to dieticians and easy availability of psychological support where needed.

fasicle i recognise much of what you say. I was at school in the 80s There were 3 shops that stocked sweets and a chippy within a 5 min walk of the school..... a newsagent a Co-Op and a Londis.

The ice cream van also came into the school at lunchtime and sold chocolate bars crisps etc to the kids. Wispa bars were VERY popular. The ice cream van was eventually stopped from coming into the school but not for the health of the kids.......but because the school was fed up with litter all over their grounds.

Why devote a whole post to things that are, as you indicate, clearly not comparable?

Because I then went on to say the part that you conveniently left out... I'm simply pointing out that calling abuse by it's proper name, does often help to wake people up to accepted behaviour.

People didn't necessarily eat better, they just moved around more and burnt off more calories.

And that's why not seeing your child gets enough exercise to burn off those calories is neglectful. I disagree that people didn't necessarily eat better though, as there was very little in the way of convenience foods, and portion sizes were nowhere near the standard large sizes you see nowadays.

Apportioning blame at an individual level is not the answer.

Responsibility for what your own children eat, how much they eat, and how much exercise they take is the answer imo.

But if parents refuse to take responsibility for that, then they are very much to blame and not the rest of society.

Im a chubber always have been im not small 5ft 7 but a 14-16 so not massive just a bit chubby, curvey some might say, but i wouldnt let any of my children become really big a bit of chub is fine but sometimes you see big parents (like big big) with 3 big children and IMO thats not good, kids are normally quite active and so i would think for them to get so massive somethings not right, over eating and poor diet. I just think how hard will it be on that child when they are older (if it isnt already). OH is naturally thinner so hoping DD will be a good balance between the too genetically!

Its not Child abuse though thats a bit OTT (although I do get what he is saying) I would say bad parenting and poor understanding on the parents behalf for sure.

GertrudeBadger Tue 29-Mar-16 14:59:09
"I agree Jean, it is feasible if you have time and the skills and facilities to cook - the mum in my family has a kitchen full of rot and mould and a cooker I'd be scared to turn on fwiw"

YY Gertrude this is the sort of thing i meant earlier upthread. Its not the sole reason for the problems of course but it doesnt help.

Worra, 4yos go to school, whereupon a lot of the diet is outside their parents' immediate control.

Of course, you could be the parent that says to the school 'don't give my kid anything to eat beyond dinner (minus pudding) plus snack fruits' but to do that to an already overweight child would be hugely stigmatising and to it to one who is not overweight would be cruel.

Wouldn't it just be better if the school wasn't handing out sugary treats willy nilly? (Especially whilst advocating healthy eating?)

(And yes, my primary school in the 70s sold us crisps. In class time at that.)

whatsmyuser.........im proud to be a size 14..........i was a size 28.

I would also say not getting out and about with your children, parks, woods your own garden the list goea on, is bad. kids need to get outdoors like we did when i was young. You sit on your butt all day you need to have more control of your diet!

HelenaDove... thats really good going, well done. you have more will power and strength than me and most others put together.

Worra, 4yos go to school, whereupon a lot of the diet is outside their parents' immediate control.

No it isn't

Of course, you could be the parent that says to the school 'don't give my kid anything to eat beyond dinner (minus pudding) plus snack fruits' but to do that to an already overweight child would be hugely stigmatising and to it to one who is not overweight would be cruel.

Why would such a young child be overweight if the parents haven't overfed them and seen they take enough exercise?

Wouldn't it just be better if the school wasn't handing out sugary treats willy nilly? (Especially whilst advocating healthy eating?)

I'm sure it would help, but no way is a school handing out treats 'willy nilly', the sole cause of a young child's obesity.

You know it and I know it. It's ridiculous to keep passing the blame.

Thanks username Its a lot easier for me in a way though because i dont have DC.

You're quite right Worra. 1/3 of parents just decided to become newly abusive for a laugh. There is nothing else at play here.

Yes that'll be it Gibbous obviously...

There has to be realistic depictions of weight loss in the press too. Ive just seen a story about Lisa Riley Shes lost a lot of weight which is great but a loss of 6 stone does not take you from a size 30 down to a size 16. A 10 stone loss took me from a 28 down to a 14.

These inaccurate weight loss depictions in the press could get someones hopes up thinking they only have to lose this amount or that amount to drop all those dress sizes. Not true or accurate.

No disrespect to Lisa I think what shes done is great but if what shes done is going to be influencing women and young girls it needs to be the whole truth.

I mean there has to be no embellishments to it.

I also think the exercise issue is something of a red herring and by far the more critical factor is calorie consumption. We have lost all sense of what a portion size should be. I suspect that portion size is even a bigger issue than ignorance about what healthy food is. I live in the US where obesity is an ever bigger problem. You should see the size of done children's meals here. Two adults could share them. It's insanity - and pure laziness on the part of parents who can't be bothered to cook. I'm not a good cook - but I can get a lean protein and two veg on the table, for goodness sake.

Vilifying parents isn't helpful, education is.

What happens when the parents don't want educating? Ignore the advice and carry on for an easy life. Again no one is suggest all or most parents of over weight children are neglectful. But it's doesn't follow that we should pretend that doesn't happen.

In practical terms, how could labelling cases of childhood obesity as abuse possibly make a positive difference?

How? It's quite obvious for the few that are doing this because they simply can't be arsed, it may make them realise how serious it is. Treat them like we do other parents that are not looking after their children properly. Give them support. I would only advocate taking children away in the most extreme cases.

Unless we're going to say that simultaneously, globally 1/3 of parents have become abusive

Again, no one has said parents of all over weight children are abusive. Simply that in some cases it can be neglect.

I can't help wonder why people are so reluctant to accept that there are some parents who's children are overweight and it's the parents failings that causes it. It's as though some people can't accept the. Hilda diet is the parents responsibility.

My kids go to parties, play date etc. Ds is a healthy weight. Dd put weight on when she started secondary. Having been very over weight myself, I went out and found out what I could about helping children. We discussed it with her, made a plan and moved forward. I am not highly educated, grew up in a bad area. But I won't allow my dd to grow up feeling like I did. Yes sometimes there is only so much you can do. If you are doing what you can. It's not neglect.

You're quite right Worra. 1/3 of parents just decided to become newly abusive for a laugh. There is nothing else at play here.

It's a bit naive to assume that behind every extremely overweight child, there's a set of super-concerned, hand-wringing parents. There is also a deep undercurrent of apathy at play.

I think the whole attitude to food has become skewed - it's not just about portions & snacking - the concept of junk food as "a treat", together with the idea that children have to be given "children's menus" has made junk something to be desired, not something to be eaten if there's nothing else or you fancy a change.

The thought that older children & teenagers will rush out & gorge upon crap as soon as they are able is just awful. Why can't they be raised to find preparing & eating healthy food something to be enjoyed & just as important as enough sleep & exercise. We really have lost our way. I just don't get why healthy food & a balanced diet can't be seen as normal & yes, pleasurable at all ages, rather than something to be had only as punishment to lose the fat gained from eating the junk...

Yes, I think it is child abuse.

There's a girl at my ds's dance class (age 5) who is very clearly overweight. Every time I see her she's eating a bag of crisps before the class and asking her mum if they're going to Mcdonalds or gregs for lunch. It makes me really sad.

I don't buy all this 'lack of education, parents don't know' either. An apple is good. A mcdonalds is shit. A side salad has less calories than chips. A monkey could tell you that. You don't need 'educating' that some people are fat and that in most cases, fat people are fat because they eat too much and too much of the wrong stuff.

together with the idea that children have to be given "children's menus"

THIS is my pet peeve. I fucking hate restaurants that have a lovely selection of meals for adults and then the kids food is nuggets/burger/sausage and chips.

And weddings too - the last wedding we went to had the same kind of separate kids menu. Ds2 was fine - he'll eat a burger and chips as easily as anything else and food is food to him. Ds1 was devastated when they brought him out his whilst the adults all around him were eating salmon fillets and lamb. We ended up sharing so we each had half a lamb shank and half his sausage and chips.

She's at a dance class

My DD eats crisps and often goes to McDs as a treat at weekend too. But she is slim.

Is that therefore OK?

I seriously think people should not use the word "abuse" here. It's minimising real abuse plus I'm sure no one is a perfect parent.

I seriously think people should not use the word "abuse" here. It's minimising real abuse plus I'm sure no one is a perfect parent.

how is defining neglect (which it is in some cases) minimising neglect?

And also I can't see anyone on this thread that has claimed to be perfect.