Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

Is it really that difficult to at least know the basics of healthy eating and good exercise though?

And I'm not being sarcastic. I genuinely don't understand the ignorance argument. Surely everyone knows an apple is better than a chocolate bar? A stem of brocoli is better than a bag of chips?

curren, she doesn't look obese, she looks bigger than average. I'm responding the original poster's facebook friend's view that "parents with fat kids are child abusers".

I know no one on here has said that parents of overweight kids ARE but that they CAN be neglectful.

I know it's not neglect in her case. I also know that not all overweight children are healthy - size is just part of it.

And in response to the original post: "how awful it is that there's a generous fit in children's clothes shops" - it isn't about morbidly obese kids but those who are bigger than the average that clothes shops cater for - that's why I referenced the broad chest. She's healthy but big so needs bigger clothing - it's not "awful".

I think the poster who said it was 'awful', meant that they're sold with such regularity.

There have always been children who are outside of the 'norm' when it comes to buying off the peg clothes, but just about every school uniform shop/high street store now sells chunky fit/generous fit clothing as a matter of course.

But obviously that's because a 3rd of children are overweight.

Megmez, my original post wasn't how awful it is if you read it. My post was about what my friend said and how it started on my friends Facebook with comments of how awful it is. I never said how awful it is. As I shop from the generous fit myself, it would be stupid for me to call it awful when it actually means my child can wear clothes that haven't had to be altered in some way.

Some kids just are bigger and need bigger clothing, which is why I shop for my middle dd in the adult clothing. She is way taller than me and has a chest too, kids clothes even age 16 don't fit. She's not fat, just bigger. My dad is very tall and I think she got it from him, sadly it missed me.

Primarily the rise in sales of generous fit children's clothes, is due to the climbing obesity rate, but obviously there will always have been a small number of children who aren't fat but need a more generous size.

We just now have a lot of denial because people see average sizes as the right sizes. A few months ago was when all the letters went out with the results of children's BMI at school, it was all over facebook. Some of the parents were well within their rights to be annoyed because clearly their children were of a healthy size but others just couldn't see that 'big boned' child was obese.

I'm obese myself but I still see my child's weight problems as being a real issue, there is no reason I want to shame my child, because I've accepted as an adult that being overweight is something I'll live with given the choices I've made and nobody should make that decision for me. If I choose to remain overweight, that's my choice alone and no shaming will change it.

But a child doesn't have to live with those choices yet, they're still a child, and as an adult who knows better I have a duty to give my child the absolute best start possible.

That's not just making choices for them and enforcing healthy diet and activity levels. That's teaching them about how to make those choices themselves, educating them, teaching them to be confident in their own skin, whilst also helping them to understand that some things aren't great for them, and being overweight is one of those things. If they chooses in future (as an adult) that being overweight isn't something they'll worry too much about, then I won't be shaming them either.

I don't want to teach my child to define themselves by their weight, I want to teach them that healthy choices mean life is more comfortable and longer, particularly given the disabilities I have and may pass on. So I am not about "fat shaming", but I am also not about allowing neglect to teach my child that they're not worth that effort of a healthy start to life.

Weight is just one part of neglect I am fighting, there are other things that show lack of healthy diet and opportunity to be active are just insidious to the general neglect going on in my child's life. So yes, allowing a child to be overweight can be neglectful, but I believe the neglect is where the parent could educate themselves to make better choices for their child and doesn't, or is told by health professionals that they need to make changes and don't, not in the child becoming overweight in the first place because that's easily done and can sneak up on you.

I once saw a hugely morbidly obese woman with her daughter in the ikea restirant. The child was no older than 3 or 4 and was already very fat.

The woman had bought the large adult meat ball meal for the child, and was 'strongly encouraging' her to eat more and more of it.

That is child abuse as far as I am concerned. Some stupid fuck with her own issues and a terrible lifestyle alsmlst force feeding her daughter with an huge adult portion of meatballs and chips.

FanFucking i think your take on it is brilliant.

Good post FanFuckingTastic

I don't know if it's me you are referring to, but I did say something along the lines of it being awful generous fit kids clothes were so readily available. We all know shops stock what sells, not because they care whether Jane and Jack can find clothes. And the genuinely large built are probably in the same minority as the tiny framed, or very tall, very short i.e too few for the market to bother. Hence it being about my disgust that there's a market worth catering to in plus size kids clothes

Fan that's a great post.

I think abuse may be a bit harsh but it is neglectful in many cases. I think having to buy the generous fit school uniform should ring alarm bells. My dd's are skinny mini's despite me trying my hardest to 'feed them up' they just don't gain weight. I understand it may be the opposite for a lot of kids who are chubby but anything more than chubby, the parents should be making adjustments to their diet. There are so many risks for obese children, aside from bullying and self esteem issues in the short term, they will often stay that way into adulthood and be at risk of all sorts of illnesses in future.

I know this is just semantics but neglect is one of the forms of abuse.

I'd like to talk about children's clothing because I've noticed that sizing is generally an issue. Even as a woman who was simply a little overweight, I've always had to buy bigger sizes to find comfortable clothing.

When you have a daughter who cannot fit into her current age clothing but if I buy boys clothing for the correct age it fits more generously and comfortably, there is definitely a disconnect between shape and size. This has become more apparent as weight became an issue, but it's always been there.

Given that my child is not even eight years old, I do find it concerning that clothing for females is far more shaped and clingy in general, which means it does make generous fit more necessary for women/girls who are not an average shape regardless of obesity being the issue.

I am short and tend to be curvy (when I'm not obese) and this has passed on to my daughter, we are not slender or tall. I like to wear comfortable clothing, partially because of my disabilities causing something called allodynia which means my skin is really sensitive to chafing or tightness of clothing. I like to dress my children in comfortable clothing because they are meant to be active and I want the clothes they wear to permit that.

And it's really hard because I feel that these days the clothing available can be very restricted, particularly to the female market. Which sounds ridiculous given the availability now versus before, but I feel like fashion comes before function a lot of the time.

So I do like generous fits and larger sizes to be available, and indeed celebrate them being so, but I do think they'd be less needed if clothing was more fit for purpose.

My ds was born tiny and was in age appropriate clothes until he started school and put a lot of weight on.
Turns out he has a condition that puts weight on him and also asd.
He's 13 and in X large men's clothes but is also extremely tall and built like a rugby player with size 12 feet.

I know people pass judgement without knowing his medical history and I'm trying to get him to eat better but it's very difficult.
And honestly- he can be very greedy. I have to limit everything he eats and watch him like a hawk.

It's sad. I can see his height making his weight less obvious but he's been bullied over it and had to move schools:(

It makes me feel like such a crap mum.
My dd has no medical conditions apart from asthma and has started edging towards chubby and I've had to be super strict ( she's a snacker ) and is very fussy. Again she is tall and to be fair doesn't stand out in her class at all but after the recent reception weighing the letter said se was overweight and borderline very overweight.
My family has often used food as rewards/treats and i am trying not to be like that. My late nan would literally let ds eat anything he wanted without realising the consequences and I've had to re-educate myself too.
That's the hardest post I've ever written. Very honest so please don't flame me :)

missrabbit You are not a crap mum. Yo have identified a possible problem with weight and food and you are "watching like a hawk" sounds to me like you're a great Mum

The woman had bought thelarge adultmeat ball meal for the child, and was 'strongly encouraging' her to eat more and more of it

that's usual fir alot of people if MN is anything to go by.the amount of food consumed by some babies toddlers and school age children is incredible. and just when I feel full just reading and thinking I'd be taking my dd to the dr if she was eating that much, someone then comes along and out does it.

the force feeding is disgusting though.

Worra
If the parents aren't taking the children to the dentist regularly and making no attempt to follow the dentist's advice, then who else are you going to blame if not the parents?

What about children who have fillings or extractions despite regular visits to the dentist and best efforts from the parents to provide a reasonable diet? I have some fillings, mainly gained when I had braces as a teenager. I wouldn't for one moment consider that to be negligence on my parents' part, especially given all the healthy (wholemeal) stuff that we were fed at home. Similarly, I don't think it's hard for children to be overweight despite a parent's best efforts.

A third of UK children being overweight/obese is hardly down to genentics and bad luck, is it?

I said multifactorial with some genetics and luck thrown in. I think the predominent reason for obesity in the UK is environmental factors. But there is an element of luck involved. It only takes a small shift in lifestyle to change a slim child to an overweight one. It might seem easy when you manage to strike the right balance without too much thought, and your children are not overweight. I'm sure realising/recognising that your child is overweight and consciously attempting to manage their weight is a different ballgame. Get the intervention wrong, and your child could be looking at longterm yo yo dieting and/or other food issues.

Anyway, I think it's inappropriate, inaccurate, pointless and unhelpful to talk about this issue in terms of abuse. Much better to consider changes to environmental factors at an individual and population level without apportioning blame.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know any children who wear chunky fit clothing and are not overweight.

I know some very tall children who have to wear an age or two up, even if the parents have to alter the waist/legs.

I know some short children who have to wear clothing an age or two down.

But chunky fit trousers for example are so generous around the waist, most kids would have to be chunky to wear them.

fascicle if parents truly are doing all they can then I don't see how they could be neglectful, no matter how many different scenarios we think up.

It only takes a small shift in lifestyle to change a slim child to an overweight one. - It doesn't happen overnight and if the child is getting the right amount of exercise and not being over fed, it's unlikely to happen at all.

Anyway, I think it's inappropriate, inaccurate, pointless and unhelpful to talk about this issue in terms of abuse. Much better to consider changes to environmental factors at an individual and population level without apportioning blame.

You can make all the changes you want to environmental factors but parents also have to take responsibility for their children.

If this was a thread discussing the effects of parent's cigarette smoke on their children, I'm sure there would be a lot less hand wringing over whether the parents should be blamed.

Chinchilla- thank you so much

Ds wears plus size trousers because he is still in nappies and the standard ones are too tight in the hip area/ make his nappy obvious.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know any children who wear chunky fit clothing and are not overweight

Weirdly I had this issue when buying DDs school trousers last year. Her box standard Tesco cotton/poly straight legs are bought in the correct age range, 9-10 or 10-11. I always have to pull the waistband right in though. Around Xmas she needed more after shooting up an inch, but the Tescos near me had stopped doing them in grey (irritating much).

We went to Sainbury's and Matalan, both of whom only did 'boot cut' in a nylon/polyester mix. In Sainsburys the 9-10 was too small and they didnt have anything bigger. I also hated the clinging shape to them, that I thought was far too 'old' for a 10 year old.

In Matalan even the 13-14 felt tight across her thighs, but were about 4 inches too long and too loose in the waistband.

I spoke to an assistant and she suggested their 'generous' fit. DD was mortified. She is no way overweight, but her thighs are muscled thanks to 4 hours gymnastics and 3 hours netball every week! However in her age the waistbands and bottom areas were far too baggy, but the legs fitted.

(We gave up in the end, and shes wearing skirts and tights instead)

So I don't think it can always be 'just' the overweight kids that need better cut clothing.