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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope these parents are Mumsnetters so I can actually say what I think to them

269 replies

Northernlurker · 26/03/2016 18:28

I found your small child in the car park at Waitrose today. I think he was no more than 4, if that. Dh and I saw him as we drove in and when I realised he was alone I leapt out of the car and went to speak to him. The first thing he said was that Mummy had 'gone'. He was scared and bewildered and had clearly made it all of the way out of the shop and around 150 metres across the carpark to your car looking for you.
So what I want to know is why you weren't looking for him? Because I stood talking to him for a good two or three minutes and then I sent dh in to the shop to get an announcement made. When the assistant came out at speed a minute later I thought it was because you had already reported him lost but no, she was just following procedure. I saw you when you 'found' him though you can't really call it that because you clearly hasn't registered he might have wandered. The assistant told you he was found in the carpark and you didn't seem bothered at all.
He is a very sweet child. I could see that from the couple of minutes I had with him. I think he deserves parents who notice when he disappears don't you?

Angry

I should have told you what I thought there and then. But I was being terribly British about it and I couldn't really believe what I was seeing tbh.

I really hope you see this and do things differently because he won't always make his way safely across a busy car park and he won't always run in to nice Mumsnetters like me.

OP posts:
Thisisnotausername · 27/03/2016 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 15:40

But how can anyone know why this mum reacted the way she did?

AskBasil · 27/03/2016 15:45

"The Op is not criticizing the parents for losing their child, she is criticizing them for their strange reaction. "

Yes. That's why she's being slated. For criticising someone for not having the hysterical reaction she deems appropriate.

Groovee · 27/03/2016 16:10

I once found a lost child in a supermarket and the mother promptly walloped him over the head for disappearing. It was horrible. I wanted to snatch him back.

BoffinMum · 27/03/2016 16:17

I would have made sure the four year old knew it was dangerous to wander unattended around car park, yes. That's not the same as blame. of course you would probably give them a sticker and a lolly for going walkabout and have the mother arrested Wink

I also use reins for toddlers in busy places. Shoot me now.

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2016 16:20

But how can anyone know why this mum reacted the way she did?

That's the crux of it. No-one here knows.

Also, no-one here (including the OP) knows that the parents didn't notice the child was missing.

They could well have been in the middle of looking in the previous/next aisle, or alerting the member of staff that was nearest to them...right at the back of the shop.

Which is why this thread is pointless and in extremely poor taste.

22sailors · 27/03/2016 17:02

The criticism is quite simply they didn't know the child has gone, quite rightly and as I said before this update rant has run quite long enough and very little thought is bring given to the answers. I honestly wonder if some of the people know the first thing about parenting.

Sunnybitch · 27/03/2016 17:22

Ok a genuine question but why is everyone so quick to flame the op for making the assumption that the mother wasn't bothered, when they are quick to assume that the mother knew the child was missing and just wasn't showing emotion?

No one can know for sure and people will judge...it's human nature to do so

TonySopranosVest · 27/03/2016 17:31

Holy shit! I bet this experience left the OP feel all warm inside at her supreme parenting superiority. It's lovely to have a good old judge at someone else isn't it? I especially like there's any desire that these shit parents might SEE how totally judged they have been and just how left wanting they truly are. Delicious!

My youngest son was a little Houdini. My mum took him to the library once, unbuckled him from his buggy, turned around for a moment and he was gone. He managed to get out of the library, across a road and into the busy shopping mall across the road. A woman caught him and then gave out to my mum for losing him. What a peach.
I thought she was a bit of a cunt when I heard about it from my mum, as she was so upset. whistles*

22sailors · 27/03/2016 17:37

I think everything can be expressed without some of the language used here. It's no wonder there are infant schools full of children who use foul language and it's apparent where there learn it from, if not from their own parents them from the children who have? Some need carbolic soap and a stubbing brush to washed their mouths. Put your brains into gear before you put such ruBbish down on this site.

YouTheCat · 27/03/2016 17:45

Northern, I think you're getting an unnecessary pasting despite doing the right thing.

I once saw a young child playing near the trolleys/entrance to Sainsbury's. I thought he might be with someone at the cash point about 20 metres away. He looked about 2 years old. He didn't belong to the people at the cash point. So I waited a bit, watching at a distance. We were right next to the very busy car park. The lad wandered inside the shop and then back out again. Still no parents. 5 minutes later another customer had approached the boy and security, as the lad's mother and another adult wandered in a nonchalant manner across the car park. She hadn't lost him. She was just a complete dickhead who thought letting her very small child run about a car park was acceptable.

I judged her. She wasn't worried. I heard her. She wasn't concerned at all.

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 17:51

Northern had had a hard time because she was so sanctimonious. Giving no thought whatsoever why this child might be in the car park on its own.

Nobody is perfect. Really.

YouTheCat · 27/03/2016 17:55

What's there to think about? No child of that age should be unaccompanied in that situation.

No, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and have lapses of concentration. But, personally, I'd have been frantic after 10 minutes or even 2 minutes .

Floggingmolly · 27/03/2016 17:58

You've obviously given it plenty of thought, Farrow. So go on then; what legitimate reasons could there be for a 4 year old child to be in a car park alone?

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 18:02

But that's you in your situation.
That woman might just have found out she has cancer.
Her mother might just have died.
She might have found out her husband is having an affair.
She might have just lost a child or had a miscarriage.
She may be in an abusive marriage.
She may have just been sacked.
And the list goes on.

So instead of being a judgey arse it might be worth thinking thank Christ the child was fine and hopefully the mum will keep this little episode in the forefront of her mind.

Floggingmolly · 27/03/2016 18:08

Oh please Hmm

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 18:09

Excuse me.

usual · 27/03/2016 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 27/03/2016 18:10

Well, I've personally experienced points 2 and 5 in that list and never forgot I had a child to look after.

But what if the child hadn't been fine? A kid of that size would be a very difficult thing to see which is why it's so dangerous. What if some poor bugger had run the kid over and then had to live with the consequences of that?

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 18:13

Yeah most of us have had major life shit to deal with.

But you cannot judge this woman as a shit parent because she didn't come running out of the store screaming and crying.

Maybe the OP is pissed off because she didn't get the response she expected having ' saved the sweet little child ' Hmm

Aspergallus · 27/03/2016 18:17

OP, I'm with you. I don't understand how this could happen. When my DH and I are together it's a constant chatter of, "I'm letting go of DS1's hand, have you got him?", "DS2 is getting heavy, can you carry him". We barely have time for conversation, constantly nattering about the logistics of accounting for who has responsibility for each one. But I do see children then same age (5 and 2) seemingly wandering. I don't get it.

The tragedy of little Chase Marten (2 year old missing from front garden in Canada, his body later found in a creek) did make me wonder who leaves a 2 year old playing in a garden unsupervised? Maybe my DC are just wild, but I can't take my eyes off them for a second. Never even managed to leave them in a playpen for a minute, as soon as they could stand they'd hurl themselves out...

YouTheCat · 27/03/2016 18:18

But no one had even realised the very small child was missing until the OP's dh reported it.

I wouldn't judge the parents as shit parents but they certainly had a good few minutes of really shitty parenting.

22sailors · 27/03/2016 18:18

To usual, yes I am real but I had a very good upbringing which didn't even include swear words and neither did my sons. It is purely lack of knowledge of the English language which has more than enough words to decried anything without such behaviour. Just think of the young propel today to whom you use this language what earth do you expect frontage in 10 years time and if you have any type of profession I hope you expect no respect as you give none to anybody..

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 18:19

Such perfect mothers on this thread.
Let's hope you never slip up.

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 18:20

They might have though he was with the other parent.