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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope these parents are Mumsnetters so I can actually say what I think to them

269 replies

Northernlurker · 26/03/2016 18:28

I found your small child in the car park at Waitrose today. I think he was no more than 4, if that. Dh and I saw him as we drove in and when I realised he was alone I leapt out of the car and went to speak to him. The first thing he said was that Mummy had 'gone'. He was scared and bewildered and had clearly made it all of the way out of the shop and around 150 metres across the carpark to your car looking for you.
So what I want to know is why you weren't looking for him? Because I stood talking to him for a good two or three minutes and then I sent dh in to the shop to get an announcement made. When the assistant came out at speed a minute later I thought it was because you had already reported him lost but no, she was just following procedure. I saw you when you 'found' him though you can't really call it that because you clearly hasn't registered he might have wandered. The assistant told you he was found in the carpark and you didn't seem bothered at all.
He is a very sweet child. I could see that from the couple of minutes I had with him. I think he deserves parents who notice when he disappears don't you?

Angry

I should have told you what I thought there and then. But I was being terribly British about it and I couldn't really believe what I was seeing tbh.

I really hope you see this and do things differently because he won't always make his way safely across a busy car park and he won't always run in to nice Mumsnetters like me.

OP posts:
Clare1971 · 26/03/2016 22:53

My 4YO got out of bed, unlocked the door and walked halfway across the village in his pyjamas at 6am while I was asleep in bed. Very kind man bought him back. I was so confused by a man turning up at the door with my DC who I thought was tucked up in bed that I thanked him politely and he left. To this day I have flashbacks about what might have happened and no doubt that man thinks I am a complete moron as a parent. I try very hard not to judge.

Elendon · 27/03/2016 10:26

Clare, my 2 year old 2nd daughter walked out of the house, whilst I was helping her sister to dress. Thankfully she was brought back by a nursery worker. She went left instead of right. I was shocked to my core. She would always be bolting and locking herself in the toilet, it lasted for about a year, and so stressful, you couldn't take your eye of her for a second, but obviously you can't do this all the time. I tried a wrist band, but she would just take it off.

She's now in her last year at Uni and working hard on her dissertation. She is a lovely independent woman.

originalmavis · 27/03/2016 10:30

I was a mini Houdini when I was a toddler. I would take myself off and was generally returned by someone in the town eventually. The garden was like Fort Knox but I still managed to escape.

I assume after the first 100 times my mum probably didn't bat an eyelid.

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 11:16

I don't do screaming, running about frantic when I'm scared either.

I freeze and shut down. Can't speak and function.

happygoluckylady · 27/03/2016 11:31

What on earth has the world come to when it's deened unreasonable to judge this kind of behavior? People are bending over backwards to criticise the OP when energy would be better spent considering what is quite frankly fairly shitty parenting.

22sailors · 27/03/2016 11:37

You were very patient, they would have known what I thought there and then - how would they have felt if they'd never seen him again. If people can't take care of children they shouldn't have them. I know all well that ends well but he could have been abducted or even another Jamie Bulger!

bearleftmonkeyright · 27/03/2016 11:45

Well having witnessed a similar incident I was in a similar situation to the OP. 10 minutes I had this ladies kids for when she had no clue they had got out of the car whilst she was across the road. Aged around 4 and 2. She had not shut down. She just wasn't bothered. And as I watched from the shop window whilst she drove off with two small children in the back not strapped in I am inclined to believe the OP s version of events. I still wonder what I could have done but like the OP I just couldn't quite believe anyone could be such a lax parent. That is not the same as your child escaping.

Thisisnotausername · 27/03/2016 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gotthemoononastick · 27/03/2016 12:01

Ignore all the nasty replies,OP.I for one am thankful that you were there.

Hoping the woman reads here and has a re-think.

This supermarket is a bubble of 'loveliness' where people seem to have no clue .

Let them all bleat their guilt and I hand you a gold medal for valour for even getting involved!

22sailors · 27/03/2016 12:10

You did notice he was gone and immediately did something about it - can happen to anyone but you should know immediately.

22sailors · 27/03/2016 12:20

I've got to admit that I was just over 1 when I managed to climb right up a gate and swung the gate open to try to escape but the next door neighbour had been watching with great amusement to see what I would do. Rotten thing! A monkey had nothing on me but my mother used reins when she was out, she had to be strong. I often wonder if she would have liked to lose me for a rest.

Arkhamasylum · 27/03/2016 12:22

I agree that a 'public' reaction can mask a person's real feelings. The parents may have gone to their car and hyperventilated. I know I would have.

In general though, OP, you found a little boy who was lost in a car park and you made sure he was safe, so FlowersFlowersEaster Grin

FarrowandBallAche · 27/03/2016 12:27

Moononastick I'm bemused by your post.
The supermarket is a bubble of loveliness??

Are you kidding? What with a young child on Easter weekend.

I'd love to know what was really going on in this woman's life.

MissusWrex · 27/03/2016 12:34

I have asd and would/can appear very emotionless especially when I am experiencing strong emotions.

Though she could have just been taking benign neglect to a new level!

tibbawyrots · 27/03/2016 12:43

My DD vanished from M&S when we were shopping in town when she was about 4. The shopping centre security radioed out to their team to keep an eye out for her, and she was discovered sitting on the floor in WHSmith reading a comic.

We hadn't even been in WHSmith that day, and while I cried buckets, and cuddled her tight, one of the sales assistants kept saying "you just walked out and left her" until my then-husband advised him that in my stressed panicky upset state that I was likely to snap if he didn't stop lying and he wouldn't be able to stop me.

It wasn't until we got home that I realised my DD was holding in her other hand (the one not in my vicelike grip!) the comic...

lottielou7 · 27/03/2016 12:47

Well, since you're such a perfect parent, OP maybe the best thing in this situation would be for you to offer them parenting classes so they can learn from your superior child rearing skills Hmm

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 27/03/2016 12:50

My DS is a wanderer (he has ADHD and is easily distracted) so I've lost him a few times in town. I could have been that woman. I don't do over emotional, so when he's found I thank the person and carry on. No tears, no shouting. DS is 8 now, so it's not so bad, but when he was younger I got filthy looks, especially as he's always been short for his age (and has ASD too so he acts/talks younger too) so people assumed he was a toddler when he was school age.

He's well versed now in what to do if he loses me!

Goingtobeawesome · 27/03/2016 12:53

I lost my four year old once. He was following daddy and didn't notice when he went into the shop where I was waiting. The shop assistants were amazing at instantly understanding the situation and watching our other children. Not so great were every other person there who ignored my desperate shouts for him and just stared at me, doing nothing to help. My blood still goes cold when I remember and he's is nearly 11 now.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/03/2016 12:57

I think that Northern is getting more of a rough time than she deserves, tbh. It's not just the parents' seeming lack of reaction, it's that they didn't even notice the child was missing until he was returned to them. THEY hadn't alerted the staff in Waitrose, Northern's DH had.

I lost Ds1 in a shop once, was looking at shoes for him, with him, turned back to the shoes and next time I turned to him he was gone. This was a shop with automatically opening doors straight into the carpark too. He wasn't gone more than 10 seconds and I noticed, and went haring around the aisles shouting for him (he was about 3, iirc). Luckily he hadn't gone far but he was "hiding" in a rack of clothes, little beggar - he soon learnt how unfunny I found that trick! Angry

Thing is, I noticed he was gone. Thing is, the parents in Northern's situation didn't. For minutes. The poor child could have been under a car in far less than that time.

Tessabelle74 · 27/03/2016 13:07

In Tesco once, my husband and kids went one way, I went the other. 10 minutes later an announcement came over the tannoy that a boy had been found and could his parents collect him, then again a minute later. I'm wondering how you wouldn't notice your child was missing when I walk past customer services and there is my son, absolutely hysterical! I looked a right cow as obviously I had no idea he was there and must have looked totally oblivious to his plight but in reality I though he was still with my husband and my husband thought he was with me!

22sailors · 27/03/2016 13:16

Even though some have gone round the houses to make a comment I think most agree that Northern did the right thing.

Angelina7 · 27/03/2016 13:24

I think lots of people on here are being judgemental whilst accusing Northern of judging. I think as only one of us mumsnetters were there then we can trust her judgement about what happened and how the parents reacted to being handed back their child, voicing a concerned opinion is not wrong and as a sensitive mum who has mayb a little too much empathy I possibly would come away feeling the same having spoken to the lost, scared child.

Sunnybitch · 27/03/2016 13:25

I can honestly say I would'nt of judged you thisis I have seen it happen and felt so sorry for the mum because although she was bollocking the child you could see how utterly terrified but relieved she was.

ample · 27/03/2016 13:25

No harm done ?
Why? Because he was found wandering?

He could be missing today never be returned or reunited
No harm done, my arse Angry
YANBU, OP

MTPurse · 27/03/2016 13:33

Even though some have gone round the houses to make a comment I think most agree that Northern did the right thing.

Yes she done the right thing waiting with the child, she also done the wrong thing coming on here slagging off the parents!

My youngest ds was horrendous for running off and escaping, I will never forget the day he was found at the school across a busy main road wearing only a nappy! He went to see his brother and sister.
My sin was hoovering the stairs while he was asleep, I never heard him wake up or go out!

I had NO idea he had gone until someone knocked on the door with him!

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