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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope these parents are Mumsnetters so I can actually say what I think to them

269 replies

Northernlurker · 26/03/2016 18:28

I found your small child in the car park at Waitrose today. I think he was no more than 4, if that. Dh and I saw him as we drove in and when I realised he was alone I leapt out of the car and went to speak to him. The first thing he said was that Mummy had 'gone'. He was scared and bewildered and had clearly made it all of the way out of the shop and around 150 metres across the carpark to your car looking for you.
So what I want to know is why you weren't looking for him? Because I stood talking to him for a good two or three minutes and then I sent dh in to the shop to get an announcement made. When the assistant came out at speed a minute later I thought it was because you had already reported him lost but no, she was just following procedure. I saw you when you 'found' him though you can't really call it that because you clearly hasn't registered he might have wandered. The assistant told you he was found in the carpark and you didn't seem bothered at all.
He is a very sweet child. I could see that from the couple of minutes I had with him. I think he deserves parents who notice when he disappears don't you?

Angry

I should have told you what I thought there and then. But I was being terribly British about it and I couldn't really believe what I was seeing tbh.

I really hope you see this and do things differently because he won't always make his way safely across a busy car park and he won't always run in to nice Mumsnetters like me.

OP posts:
PirateSmile · 26/03/2016 20:22

I don't think the OP wants the mother to feel better Confused

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 26/03/2016 20:23

If I'm honest of have judged too.

Parent loses 4 year old in a shop, fair enough. We've all been there.

But taking 5 minutes to notice he'd gone and not seeming to care - yeah I would judge. Possibly wrongly but I still would have.

PirateSmile · 26/03/2016 20:24

And yes, there could be a hundred reasons why the mother reacted like she did but the most likely is that she didn't give a shit.

FarrowandBallAche · 26/03/2016 20:27

You cannot know that pirate.

NoelHeadbands · 26/03/2016 20:28

And yes, there could be a hundred reasons why the mother reacted like she did but the most likely is that she didn't give a shit.

I'd say that's actually one of the least likely reasons.

Fluffy24 · 26/03/2016 20:29

YANBU and don't deserve the flaming. Poor kid.

SovietKitsch · 26/03/2016 20:30

I love the posts from people saying (and I paraphrase) "I doubt the mum was as crap as you say" - we all know there are parents that crap out there! I once saved a 2/3 year old from drowning in the hotel pool - parents hadn't noticed and barely glanced up when he was delivered back, certainly no thanks. Was the most terrifying experience of my life.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 26/03/2016 20:30

yes I'm sure most people check that they other parent has taken the child etc, 99% of the time. But it's not unrealistic to imagine that very occasionally, something goes wrong in that process. Child follows parent unexpectedly, there's some reaction that you assume means the parents has realised and is taking the child, but in hindsight, turns out not to be the case, and they had sent the child back to you, or hadn't seen them follow, or whatever. Even the most perfect parents might have a lapse sometime.

LuluJakey1 · 26/03/2016 20:31

The thought of a parent not being worried that their child had been missing for 5 mins and then being told he had been found in a car park is pretty shocking. I would have been scared shitless, personally.

Gabilan · 26/03/2016 20:31

Once I waited 15 minutes with a child who's parent left the supermarket without them and drove off!

Yes but that's just David Cameron.

Grilledaubergines · 26/03/2016 20:33

I lost DS once. I went against what you thought were appropriate and fitting actions of a parent who cared. I was very calm and just looked, not ran, walked. I didn't allow myself to panic. When I found my child I didn't do the whole gushing thing. I played it down and we carried on. Then when alone, I bawled my eyes out. I can't be the only person to react this way. Maybe those parents you penned your mono to were the same.

Something about your OP, OP, makes me feel you got a buzz from being the one to save the day, and then topped it up with your verse.

ihateminecraft · 26/03/2016 20:34

I once lost DS in Center Parcs when he was about 3. One minute he was there, the next he wasn't. I was frantic, alerted security immediately. After what seemed like an eternity, a woman said another woman had found him outside the "dome". I ran outside and was relieved to see him on the path with the woman. I thanked her profusely but she just looked at me with utter contempt like I was a piece of shit, turned and walked away. Maybe I didn't look distraught enough for her liking, who knows? But she hadn't seen the scene inside before I realised he was safe. How do you know what had gone on in the store before you met her? Maybe he had only been missing a few moments and she hadn't had a chance to alert security yet? You sound very judgemental and I hope she doesn't read this, sorry!

manicinsomniac · 26/03/2016 20:34

On the face of it YANBU but the mother might have been mortified and upset on the inside. I imagine losing a child is so scary (can't believe it's never happened to me, tbh, I lose everything else!!) that you can't really be held responsible for your reactions.

I once found a little girl of about 2 sitting on the steps by the main entrance of the National Gallery, just a few steps from heading off down into Trafalgar Square on her own in August. I asked her where Mummy was and, just like this little boy, she just said 'gone.' There was no way I was going to take her by the hand and go anywhere with her for fear of what I'd be accused of so I just sent my oldest daughter to tell a staff member she was there and sat down next to her and talked to her/watched her for further movement. 2 minutes later her mum appeared, grabbed the child, gave me a filthy look and stormed off. Seemed rude but she might have thought I was about to take her child. And I could have been, I suppose, I can't really blame the mum.

Queenbean · 26/03/2016 20:35

And yes, there could be a hundred reasons why the mother reacted like she did but the most likely is that she didn't give a shit.

On the basis of what?! How can you jump to that assumption?

ghostspirit · 26/03/2016 20:37

i have never lost my kids. but im calm in situations like that. not because i dont care but because i dont want to scare my other children. im in a state that puts them in a state, im then trying to find my lost child whilst trying to sort out the others.

how do you know that she was not looking for the child.

PirateSmile · 26/03/2016 20:40

Just a hunch Queenbean, well that and the fact her child waswandering around on a car park had to brought to her attention by two complete strangers.

ghostspirit · 26/03/2016 20:44

i also drummed it into my kids at a young age you never ever walk out of the door if you lost you always stay in side never ever leave the shop. i guess that only works if in a building though.

its not good that the child was in the car park. but if a child is lost they could be wondering anywhere. weather its a couple of isles away, the carpark or what ever.

Superwitchy · 26/03/2016 20:45

I completely agree with you Northern, thank goodness the child came to no harm. Reactions would have been very different in those circumstances.

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2016 20:50

My reaction wouldn't have been different if the child came to harm.

I would still think a thread like this on a public forum, slagging the parents off was a shit and cowardly thing to do.

KERALA1 · 26/03/2016 20:51

I lost dd2 in a library. I was frantic. Two elderly women found her and took the opportunity to lay into me, much tutting and head shaking. Cows. Countless times I have helped parents look for lost kids in the park didn't occur to me to pass judgement.

SausagesAndLaughter · 26/03/2016 20:53

Mo would like to offer you one of his medals....look, he's got two here. Which one do you want?

To hope these parents are Mumsnetters so I can actually say what I think to them
ThirtyNineWeeks · 26/03/2016 20:59

Yes, I wonder why you didn't have the balls to remonstrate with this 'appalling' mother and instead chose to come here patting your own back. It just makes you look a tosser.

Ceeceecee · 26/03/2016 20:59

I'm known in my extended family for being totally neurotic about child safety. But once I was abroad and bumped into a guy we'd met, in the supermarket checkout queue. My two year old was with me and wanted to go to daddy who was packing the shopping so I let her, and the acquaintance said something so I turned and chatted, thinking DH had seen her. When I looked back there was no sign of my dd and DH had not seen her at all. I ran straight to the doors and outside There she was walking BACK across the car park with a very kind lady who'd found her. So it must have been at least 2-3 minutes since she'd left me.

I still feel sick when I think about it and she's 10.

So I'm not sure about judging this. Think it happens to a lot of us. Kids are really tricky and occasionally we can all get distracted.,

maydancer · 26/03/2016 21:02

maybe they were just acting nonchalant to cover their embarrassment.
maybe the boy wasn't in their car, maybe he had been taken into another shop by a grandparent, older sibling and made a bid for freedom to look for his mum.
Maybe he had been left in the car with a gp who had a heart attack ( this happened to a child( coincidentally also 4) in our village.Her mum died suddenly crashed the car and she went wandering along the road looking for help Sad

Claraoswald36 · 26/03/2016 21:02

Yanbu. I would probably have had words with the parent. It's shit supervision and I understand your need to vent x