To wonder if people look down on single women?

[honeynotcherry]

I don't mean Mumsnet - don't mean lots of 'well I don't!' but in general is is the case?

I think I've been abandoned as a lost cause but in the circles i know not getting married or staying single is definitely seen for women as being something to be pitied.

Is this a correct view, do you think?

This is really interesting. I think whatever you do people are opinionated ! I was single for ages and had all the pity. Now im married the same people tell me ive 'taken the easy way out' yep people have actually said that to me and other newly married women. Just cant win

I'm surprised by some of the comments on this thread. I have quite a few single friends and colleagues. I'm massively envious of most of their lifestyles. Last minute holidays, hangovers uninterrupted on the sofa, late nights, unplanned nights out, art classes at weekends etc etc. I'm sure it isn't all fun and some of them might like a partner and/or children. I don't understand why anyone would look down on a single person though???

There we go again ...

I don't think it's so much individuals. Although I've had some really insensitive things said to me - it took the biscuit when I was told at a dinner party that "people like you" cause the housing shortage by owning a 4 bedroom house all on my own, and then Greenpeace tried to blame global warming on single people in big houses - as if having a child in the West doesn't put far more strain on the Earth's resources. But I digress...

It's the way society is set up. The higher & disproportionate costs for single people. I get a 25% reduction on my Council Tax. So I pay £120 a month for a fortnightly garbage collection mostly. That's OK, we all need to contribute to schools etc for raising the next generation - except that then all the political parties, all the policy makers, all those involved in setting up public policies - all assume that the appropriate unit of society is the "hard working family."

Look at when the previous government took away the 10% tax rate for those on the lowest of taxable incomes. Every other group disadvantaged by that received some compensation: Child Tax credit, working tax credit. Except for single low-paid workers without children. They were thought not to need any compensation for a sudden drop in their incomes.

Well, single people aren't "hard working families" are they? If you're single and on NMW, you're obviously just a failure. That's what it can feel like when looking at public policy and the attitudes of those who make policy.

A few of the girls I hang around with keep trying to set one single girl in the group up with on blind dates. It's nice of them to do this, but I don't think they've ever asked her if she wants it. Some people just prefer to be single.

Single people on NMW are doing it all wrong.

They should live in plush apartments, travel (this is an absolute must if you're single, apparently) and have one hell of a social life.

Then, and only then, will the smug marrieds deign to envy us!

except that then all the political parties, all the policy makers, all those involved in setting up public policies - all assume that the appropriate unit of society is the "hard working family."

That's the one that sticks in my throat. I work hard but I'm not married with children and that kind of rhetoric does make me feel as if I have no social worth. It doesn't help that there's a long tradition of women being seen as un-productive if they're not reproductive. And yes, I pay the council a lot of money for very little, although I am fully aware that I benefit indirectly in many ways. I'm also aware that things will change as I age, although actually it looks like I may not be able to retire and might just have to drop down dead whilst in harness.

Sunshower, yes. I've pointed out to my local MP that I am the hard working fami,y unit.

Chilled, how is it nice if them if they've never asked her if she wants to? They're Downright nosy and interfering and insulting, not "nice".

I'd suggest that the 'hardworking family unit' is favored by those in power partly because people locked into this kind of arrangement are easier to manipulate, the single person beholden to no one has more freedom to change and adapt with circumstances

Most of my single friends do live in quite nice places in good locations, travel and have a good social life. That is why I often envy them. Why else would anyone 'deign' to envy another person?

lorelei it's nice because I know the sort of people they are, they are genuinely trying to do what they think is a good thing but I'm not sure they realize she seems happy being single.

if the partnered concede that the single might actually have a better time of it then they may question their own choices

easier to validate their own choices by assuming that single people are to be pitied

Chilled, you're basically saying that they aren't cnsderate enough and to stop and see she is happy? I stand by what I said, they are not nice if they don't even stop to think what she wants but simply make assumptions. Depends how you see nice, maybe.

Suzanne, interesting points. Actually I'm beginning to be less puzzled by people calling single by choice "brave". They're seeing it from their perspective and I guess we can't really know what it's like to walk in another person's shoes. I'm not brave because it's natural to me.

I get told that "you're so strong" when dealing with stuff. It's like my friends are saying that if I had a man around I could react to things in a way that isn't "strong." I react to things in the way I do because I am who I am. I wouldn't react differently if I had a man around. Although it's handy sometimes if I can't be arsed to put the rubbish out.

Temp, those are the people who hand all the tough stuff to their partner!
Some horrible stereotyping of men buried in there as well I think.