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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really cross with FIL for inviting people on our holiday?

122 replies

SimileMilly · 26/03/2016 12:12

We booked Centerparcs for later this year around 2 months after we are due or second child and have since invited FIL and his partner to come with us. They live about 2hrs away and we don't see them as often as MIL and my parents. It only cost £30 to upgrade our lodge to include them - they've not mentioned contributing to the overall cost but we invited them so I don't really expect it. FIL is not my favourite person but I like his partner and I'm sure I can tolerate him for the sake of a weekend.

FIL has just texted me to say they're really looking forward to coming and have invited his partner's two children too. Before I launch into a full on hormonal strop, that's not really on is it? They're 21 and 17 so not exactly children incapable of being left alone for a weekend. They have never come to any family events we've invited them to before. It will cost us an additional £460 to upgrade again to a 4 bedroom lodge and if nothing else DP has met them once and I've never met them! DP thinks I'm being unreasonable to say no. I don't think I am, but I understand my hormones might be impacting on my decision!

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 26/03/2016 12:14

That is incredibly UR. I would ask him what arrangements he has made for their accomodation as the Lodge booked us not big enough to accomodate them.

Siolence · 26/03/2016 12:14

I think you need to find out if he knows there is no space for them. He might be assuming there is.

mummymeister · 26/03/2016 12:14

just say no. its a complete sentence. if they want to bring the other 2 then suggest that they book their own lodge sleeping 4. sounds like a couple of teenagers blagging a free holiday to me. don't do it.

ScoutsMam · 26/03/2016 12:15

Just text back and say sorry no room in our cabin, if you want to book them a cabin it'll be £x for Xdays but with baby on the way you're not feeling up to organising it so they'll have to do it themselves.

They are so unreasonable but if your DH isn't on your side you're humped.

3littlefrogs · 26/03/2016 12:15

I would just say that is fine as long as they book their own, separate accommodation.

OliviaBenson · 26/03/2016 12:15

Yanbu. Just respond and say that there isn't any room in the chalet you have booked. It's a bit off of them to just assume. Could they book a separate chalet for them all as a compromise?

Yambabe · 26/03/2016 12:15

If FIL is paying for them YABU. They are family, and no reason not to include them and get to know them.

If he's expecting you to stump up the extra then YANBU. If he wants them to come he pays for them.

GabiSolis · 26/03/2016 12:16

Definitely unreasonable of them. The reasonable thing to do would've been to ask first and accept any answer they were given. This would change the whole dynamic of the break and I wouldn't like it. Especially as no money has been offered.

VimFuego101 · 26/03/2016 12:16

YANBU at all. Just do what ScoutsMam suggested and leave them to sort it out.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/03/2016 12:18

Two of my ds's are around this age, hell would freeze over before they'd want to go on this holiday! Grin.

FiL needs asking about him paying up to include them, these extra two shouldn't be paid for by you.

I'd be miffed fucking furious and I'm not pregnant or a hormonal new Mum.

Marynary · 26/03/2016 12:18

There is no way you should be expected to pay extra to accommodate his stepchildren. Just say that there will no be enough room in the lodge. If he wants to upgrade to a bigger lodge he needs to pay for it.

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 26/03/2016 12:18

YANBU. As he has invited them, he should organise their accommodation. They are his guests, not yours. No idea about your finances, but we certainly couldn't have found an extra £460 to accommodate 2 virtual strangers just after our DD was born.

LIZS · 26/03/2016 12:19

Agree, tell them to book separate accommodation as you can't change plans again (at that age would they even want to come?!) If you check availability beforehand and reassure yourself there is none suitable available so much the better.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 26/03/2016 12:19

Have you text him?

Original poster
SimileMilly · 26/03/2016 12:22

We definitely can't afford it either. I've sent a reply stating it would be X amount to upgrade again or £100 less than that of they were to book a studio lodge for themselves. I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to confrontation (probably why he texted me and not DP!)

OP posts:
QOD · 26/03/2016 12:23

Tell him there's no room. Cheeky cock

Sparkletastic · 26/03/2016 12:32

That's breathtakingly entitled of FIL. What was the plan for food / drink expenses when you are there? Was he expecting a free ride all the way. Your DH is being a wuss.

NotNowPike · 26/03/2016 12:34

Good for you OP . He's a cheeky fecker

MrsKCastle · 26/03/2016 12:40

It's not just the cost, although that is incredibly cheeky in itself. It's also the fact that you'll have a new born and these are two young adults that you've never met. You won't want to be sharing a lodge with them, it's not as though the centerparcs lodges have loads of space if you want some privacy or to go for a nap.

It wouldn't be so bad if they book their own lodge, but even so it changes the dynamics of the holiday and FIL should have asked first.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 26/03/2016 12:55

Wow, that man has some serious balls.

Hope you get a decently apologetic reply and they either rethink or rebook.

ClarenceTheLion · 26/03/2016 12:58

I'd be inclined to withdraw the invitation altogether tbh.

Wolpertinger · 26/03/2016 13:03

No self-respecting 17 and 21 yr old want to go to Centre Parcs on holiday. Suspect he hasn't even asked them - or if he has they are currently wondering how they can get out of it?

Also make him communicate with DP, his actual child not you. He a) knows you are a wimp and b) is expecting you to do all the wifework.

Witchend · 26/03/2016 13:07

Has he been to centre parks though? He may be assuming they can bed down on the floor so not costing more. You need to spell it out that that can't be done.

Very cheeky even if it could be done anyway.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/03/2016 13:10

I think its fine as long as they absorb the extra costs. It's not if they don't.

My 19 and 16 year old DSes would still love a Centre Parcs holiday - so people shouldnt assume that they wouldn't want to go. (My 17 year old wouldnt though)

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/03/2016 13:11

Just be upfront, you can't spend £500 on upgrading when you have a baby on the way.