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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really cross with FIL for inviting people on our holiday?

122 replies

SimileMilly · 26/03/2016 12:12

We booked Centerparcs for later this year around 2 months after we are due or second child and have since invited FIL and his partner to come with us. They live about 2hrs away and we don't see them as often as MIL and my parents. It only cost £30 to upgrade our lodge to include them - they've not mentioned contributing to the overall cost but we invited them so I don't really expect it. FIL is not my favourite person but I like his partner and I'm sure I can tolerate him for the sake of a weekend.

FIL has just texted me to say they're really looking forward to coming and have invited his partner's two children too. Before I launch into a full on hormonal strop, that's not really on is it? They're 21 and 17 so not exactly children incapable of being left alone for a weekend. They have never come to any family events we've invited them to before. It will cost us an additional £460 to upgrade again to a 4 bedroom lodge and if nothing else DP has met them once and I've never met them! DP thinks I'm being unreasonable to say no. I don't think I am, but I understand my hormones might be impacting on my decision!

OP posts:
Choceclair123 · 26/03/2016 16:37

I would just say, "ok no problem. I think the best option for you would be to book another cabin, there'll be more room for you all and you're not going to have baby keeping you awake all night. Here's the link to CP's. You can book online but if you have any problems you can always ring CP's direct".

girlywhirly · 26/03/2016 16:40

I agree that adding extra people on to the booking isn't allowed without enough beds in the accommodation for them. Also, if FIL isn't familiar with Centre Parcs, he should know that activities/sports etc. get booked up very quickly and would need to be booked well in advance of the weekend to stand a chance of getting on what they want. And they are expensive, as are the restaurants. He and his partner will have to pay for separate lodge and he'd better book it pronto, unless the DC don't want to come after all and you can revert to the original plan.

You will not be cooking for everyone, and they should bring their own food, even if they are in their own lodge. You will not commit to doing everything together, or eating at the restaurants together every evening, because you will only want to do what you can manage depending on how you feel and the needs of your DC. You would like to know that you can have evenings without loud TV or music, and the partners DC rolling up whenever and leaving their stuff all over the place. OK, maybe they may not be that bad, but it's annoying if they are, even for a weekend.

It does need DH to make all this crystal clear to FIL though.

ScarletOverkill · 26/03/2016 16:44

I agree with Choceclair The 4 of them can get their own lodge and you can meet up when you choose rather than having them under your feet.

LifeCrossRoad · 26/03/2016 16:44

I think FIL still thinks you are paying for the uograde! Hope DH cwm sort it out later on the phone

LifeCrossRoad · 26/03/2016 16:45

Also agree that the 4 of them should have their own extra place.

BoatyMcBoat · 26/03/2016 17:00

What an incredible cheek he has!

Just say no to anything and everything that will cost you more, or inconvenience you further (like you getting pushed into the lodge while they take the cabin that you booked).

toastyarmadillo · 26/03/2016 17:03

Following

bigbarns · 26/03/2016 17:03

I don't think you should continue this by text. As you've said your DH is going to call them later on that's the point at which he can pin him down once and for all and get thus resolved without any more ambiguous replies or FIL trying to manipulate you. I'd be hoping they would opt for the separate accommodation.....ideally situated at the opposite side of the village to yours....

Sallyingforth · 26/03/2016 17:15

With a 2month old you will be feeding at night and probably wanting to rest during the day. You don't want all those people crashing about whenever they feel like it.
And you certainly won't be able to cook from them all.
This sounds like the holiday from hell - and an expensive one at that.

grumpysquash3 · 26/03/2016 17:20

Is it possible that when you initially invited him and partner, that he assumed that he would be booking his own accommodation? He might have booked a 2 bed villa, then thought he'd invite the DC to take the 'spare' room at no additional cost.

I would check if he thinks he is sharing yours or is having his own.....

Leeds2 · 26/03/2016 17:27

I would try and make it so that you are in one villa with OH and the DC, and FIL books and pays for his own villa for himself, his partner and the teens. I hope your OH can sort it out over the phone!

TheBouquets · 26/03/2016 17:35

Hope you can get this sorted out. I am angry that your kindness to invite FIL and his DP has been so abused as to add 100% more adults without even consulting you. I would be furious and I am not pregnant.
Tiny new baby and two adults aged 17 and 21 is never a good mix for more than about 1 hour. There is your other child too and that is not likely to be a good mix with 17 and 21. We don't know if the 17 and 21 are same sex or boy and girl to see if it is possible for them to share a room.
There are about 4 generations involved in this mix and OP does not even know the young adults at all and her DP only met them once.
I would not consider such a trip and especially not a matter of a few weeks after having a baby!
Good luck

Goingtobeawesome · 26/03/2016 17:46

Cheeky fucker!

BestZebbie · 26/03/2016 17:52

I agree with grumpysquash - does he already think you have booked them their own area rather than putting them in with you? (Or to be nice, does he expect to book his own due to the baby)

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/03/2016 18:02

Totally cheeky and tbh sure two that age won't want to be with a new born baby esp at night

Tell dp to inform his father that cabin isn't big enough for 6 adults and if his step children want to come then they need to book their own cabin and pay for it

Weird they want to come. Amazed they don't think whoop mum and step dad away and paaaaaaaaaarty Grin

Original poster
SimileMilly · 26/03/2016 18:08

Sorry I haven't deliberately missed out info!

They are both girls and from what I've heard have form to cause a drama at any opportunity available. DD is 4 so about as far removed from them age wise as possible. FIL definitely knows he is sharing our lodge. It's not so much the money aspect (although we really can't afford any more upfront as CP always end up costing £££s extra when we get there by the time you add on meals out and activities for DD) but more the fact I don't want - what is to me - two complete strangers in our lodge so soon after having a baby. We already know the holiday is unlikely to be that relaxing but I am fairly sure I won't be able to handle any teenage dramas on top of DD and FIL's tantrums.

DP has been prepped to tell him they are welcome to book another lodge for them if it is v important his partner's children come, but it will totally defeat the point of our holiday and we will not be committed to spending every second with them. and that he won't ever be invited on holiday with us again

OP posts:
gBean · 26/03/2016 18:10

Thanks for the info Shock

Original poster
SimileMilly · 26/03/2016 18:13

blondes This would have been my thoughts at that age too!

OP posts:
SmaDizietSma · 26/03/2016 18:17

You or your DH need to say something asap. Inviting people to come on a break paid for/ heavily subsided by someone else is very rude.

You have booked a break to give your fil the opportunity to get together with your family and meet your new baby. Your fil want a cheap break away.

I think they should have had their own villa from the off. You may see them less but it will be on your own terms and a lot cheaper for accommodation and food.

Mouthfulofquiz · 26/03/2016 18:19

I think the separate lodge is the best idea!!

BuddyC4t · 26/03/2016 18:32

Seperate lodges would be better regardless of who was going. We had a holiday with in laws and it was the worst holiday I've ever had. They insisted on staying in the same holiday cottage and doing everything with us every day. I've never liked them as much since that holiday

angielou123 · 26/03/2016 18:38

How cheeky! Simply tell them you can't afford, or not willing to pay for, a further upgrade but they are quite welcome to pay themselves.

Inertia · 26/03/2016 18:50

Your text was ambiguous and it sounds like you've agreed to pay the difference.

I would call and tell FIL that as he is taking extra people along, you will leave them to organise their own accommodation between the four of them and you'll rebook to the original smaller accommodation.

Marynary · 26/03/2016 18:52

I suspect that he or perhaps his partner doesn't really want to come. Perhaps this is his way of getting out of it.

Arfarfanarf · 26/03/2016 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.