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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
scarednoob · 26/03/2016 07:15

If you've been paying towards the mortgage and bought things like a kitchen, it might be worth seeing a solicitor to work out whether you've acquired any interest in the flat itself. He's a twat :(

JamNan · 26/03/2016 07:37

If you leave prawns behind he'll know it was you.
On the other hand a hidden dead mouse will stink for weeks.

icanteven · 26/03/2016 07:38

How did it go, OP? Did you hire a van?

LuluJakey1 · 26/03/2016 07:52

My cousin's ex did this to him. He went to work one morning and came home to just a kitchen chair. She had put all of his things like books, clothes, toiletries, toothbrush etc in neat piles on the floor and had taken the bedframe but left the mattress. She took everything else, including his passport which he did not discover until he was about to go to France months later.

Then she sued him for more than half the value of the house- they were not married but in the years they had been together she had sold her house and invested the money in his. He fought her claim. The court found in her favour. My cousin could not afford to buy her out so she bought him out and moved back in. He moved into a rented flat down the road- they can literally see each other.

They are on reasonable terms Hmm

red333 · 26/03/2016 07:54

How did it go OP? Any fishy treats left for him?

CreepingDogFart · 26/03/2016 08:52

Have you done it yet or still in the process? Four wheel drive owner reporting for duty if you need the fridge freezer etc moving or the tiles.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 26/03/2016 09:03

Rather than taking remotes I'd superglue the battery compartments shut.

Bananatroopers · 26/03/2016 09:16

Wouldn't some of these actions pander to the stereotype of hell hath no fury?

Just take your stuff and move on.

Waltermittythesequel · 26/03/2016 09:17

I doubt people are being serious.

Ememem84 · 26/03/2016 10:02

I rubbed deep heat into all my exes underwear. Then washed and dried.

Deep heat doesn't come out after the first wash.

Op I'd take everything that was yours. Then stuff to equate to the £1500 he owes you.

Nothing more.

ArmfulOfRoses · 26/03/2016 10:22

This thread is amazing Grin

Earworm · 26/03/2016 10:27

I text him and asked him if I could go round and get my stuff from the flat.I think he knows I'm going to clear it out as he asked me not to remove anything we hadn't discussed. Frankly, if he was bothered about discussing it, he wouldn't be away getting his dick wet this weekend, so it's fair game.

He's a total prick - he's the one that has cheated and he has had the nerve to drag a lot of my personal belongings out into the communal close and leave them there for me to collect!!! He did this before in the past when I fell asleep at a party and didn't text him until the next morning. He thought I'd been with another man. Wish I had been now!

There were only 2 units in the kitchen when I moved in, so I'm going to leave 2 that will replace what I threw out. Then I'll sell the rest. I'll take the sofas and the bedframe. The mattress is his. All the food that I paid for is coming and the lampshades, curtains, hoover and iron (although I was tempted to piss in that and leave it). I'll knock the cost of him replacing them off the £1500 as I replaced all his old shit.

As much as I'd love to change the wifi password and fuck him right over, I'm not that sort of person. I have great ideas for revenge - I ordered a stamp that says 'micropenis' and was going to stamp his passport under the 'official observations' section as he's going on a weekend trip soon, but I worry that it'll make me look bad (and possibly get me arrested).

Man with van booked for 1pm tomorrow!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 26/03/2016 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellErrr · 26/03/2016 10:37

Has he already gone? You shouldn't have given him warning!!

Earworm · 26/03/2016 10:37

Thanks for all the offers of help!

Loving all the revenge ideas. Some of you lot are not to be messed with! As much as I would love to make his life as difficult as possible but want to walk away with my head held high.

OP posts:
Earworm · 26/03/2016 10:39

@WellErrr - he's gone. There's no way he'll show his face if he knows my family and two nutjobs with a van will be coming to empty the flat. And he's too cheap to change the locks.

OP posts:
CruCru · 26/03/2016 10:42

Oh good work OP. Seriously - I'd take those two kitchen units.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 26/03/2016 10:43

Ooh I'd be tempted to "put his passport away" somewhere he'd never look

PhoenixReisling · 26/03/2016 10:48

Good work OP!

Pleased to hear that you are ignoring what he said about only taking the stuff you had both discussed.

nicenewdusters · 26/03/2016 10:54

Good luck today Earworm. Despite all our comments - which I've loved - I think head high is the way to go.

I don't like the idea of you wasting your micropenis stamp though. I'm thinking those tiles you bought might be in need of a bit of a makeover ? It'll wash off, unlike your ex's dirty behaviour which will cling to him (and the OW) for far longer than prawns in the curtain lining. Enjoy your new home.

BoatyMcBoat · 26/03/2016 10:59

I do like the idea of planting cress in the carpet. You could spell out 'cocklodger' in seeds and he would have a lovely garnish for sandwiches a few days later. Really, you'd be doing him a favour.

RandomMess · 26/03/2016 11:02

I'd compromise and leave him one kitchen unit! After all you replaced old and dilapidated with brand spanking new.

Don't forget to take ALL the loo roll as well. Literally anything and everything you bought take it on principle. There is probably a lot more in ££££ in stuff than either of you realise.

ArmfulOfRoses · 26/03/2016 11:05

Good luck op, I do hope that you are ok.

nicenewdusters · 26/03/2016 11:05

Boaty - am loving the idea of a cocklodger garnish !! Trouble is the poor boy won't have any plates to eat from, or a knife to butter the bread..... or any bread... or butter.... smashing cress though.

Ememem84 · 26/03/2016 11:10

Don't forget to leave the fridge and/or freezer doors open just a smidge when you go....

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