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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
meridithssister · 25/03/2016 22:16

Mum bus owner here reporting for duty if you need a hand.
I love the washing up liquid in the cistern idea...saving that one

londonrach · 25/03/2016 22:19

Thinking this might become a classic and im staying on the good side of you all!

Fishface77 · 25/03/2016 22:24

Op?? I'm hoping you've been emptying the flat??

OTheHugeManatee · 25/03/2016 22:24

Shamelessly place marking in the hope the OP has cleaned him out and poured yogurt into his sock drawer.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/03/2016 22:26

Flip the RCN switches. That'll confuse him!

readyforno2 · 25/03/2016 22:31

Just read the thread to the end.. Please op, update us once your sitting on your comfy sofa!

iminshock · 25/03/2016 22:34

Whether he lied and is now seeing someone else is completely irrelevant.
Take what is yours.

Do not as some twisted people have suggested cause any criminal damage.
Don't do any nasty non criminal stuff. It's bad for your soul.

Get a grip, some of you.

PloppyClocks · 25/03/2016 22:36

I don't know how much the moral high ground has done for me... Just saying!

Very much enjoying this thread and looking forward to the update!

SpearmintLino · 25/03/2016 22:39

Loving this thread. Hope you've reclaimed your property, OP. Halo

coffeeisnectar · 25/03/2016 22:39

Don't take any of his things.

But moving things is nice.

Like a passport. Give it a nice safe home elsewhere in the flat so it's not stolen.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 25/03/2016 22:46

Give somexslugs a vacation behind the baseboards of the kitchen if you leave it..
But do also consider adjusting the doors so they hang wonkily

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 25/03/2016 22:46

Some slugs..

squeakyeggs · 25/03/2016 22:49

If you haven't already taken the dishwasher empty out the bit the salt goes in and refill with washing powder.

The resulting foam can be carved into shape!

Waltermittythesequel · 25/03/2016 22:52

Sew some prawns into the lining of the curtains.

Ledkr · 25/03/2016 23:01

Take it all and leave a bog blown up photo of yourself flipping the bird taped to the lounge wall Grin

SeriousSteve · 25/03/2016 23:33

Changing wifi password wouldn't do much, easily reset. Taking the router itself is more better!

Valentine2 · 25/03/2016 23:54

Oh my God! Some of these are crimes actually !

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2016 01:14

A mate of mine trashed her XP's flat when she found out he'd moved another woman in. She was arrested, marched off in handcuffs and charged with criminal damage.

By all means take what is yours, but the rest of the psycho-hose-beast bunny-boiling stuff is not a great idea. Why give him the impression that you actually care enough to wreak revenge?

BitOutOfPractice · 26/03/2016 02:41

Oh op I hope you're sitting at home on your comfy sofa now

Lunar1 · 26/03/2016 03:23

Take everything that's yours ASAP.

Shutthatdoor · 26/03/2016 03:31

Some of these are crimes actually

Yep

Postitblue · 26/03/2016 05:27

Change your mobile number too so he can't harass/contact you X YY to taking useful things like plates and crockery to tide you over till you get back on your feet. good luck!

Dontcallus · 26/03/2016 06:21

Your ex sounds like mine. Exactly the same. I took everything whilst he was at work, everything that was mine, pots, pans, washing basket, etc. He had turned all our photos over (clearly as the new woman has been over) so I took all them too (he was actually really pissed at that?!). I got icy rage and when I realised a few months later he still had my Dyson I called him and demanded it be dropped off. He was shocked I had a new flat and asked to drop it over, ermmmm no, you don't get to know my new address. Made him drop it to my parents, he was very embarrassed. Bastard.

Hope you're ok Op. I know once the adrenalin wore off the hurt came in a huge tsunami

Dontcallus · 26/03/2016 06:23

Oh and despite the urge I didn't do anything underhand. I took the moral highground. All I did was remove every last bit of my property.

suchafuss · 26/03/2016 07:10

I did this! Took all the bedding, the crockery, iron, pictures. Didn't have a large car or help otherwise I would have taken a shelving system and bed. Oh and the last thing I did was tear out the next to last page in the book he was reading (I knew everything came together in the last few pages of the book!). Do it without a second thought.