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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 25/03/2016 19:56

Take every last thing you paid for.

TeaOnEverest · 25/03/2016 19:58

Clean the fucker out. It's your stuff. Go go go!

GlitteryFluff · 25/03/2016 20:01

I'd only take what's mine, and not ruin other things even though I'd really really really really want to.
I'd be worried about him calling police and then getting done for causing damage (ie bleach/chainsawing) then imagine being fined and having to pay for it etc he'd be laughing.
Just remove what is yours and move on with your life.

Spandexpants007 · 25/03/2016 20:01

I would take everything you bought. Then email/text the relatives to apologise for the timing but that you wanted to let them know that you have taken the items you bought to furnish your empty flat.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/03/2016 20:02

Take all the CDs and DVDs but leave the boxes.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/03/2016 20:03

Rub the shower grouting with cream cheese...

Mould-fest

MummaV · 25/03/2016 20:10

Had to help my DM do something similar a few weeks ago whilst her now expartner was away "on a course". I would have loved to see his face when he returned to an Ikea chair, his houseplants and a mattress.
She furnished the house single handedly so we removed it all.
Strangely she just got a text when he returned 'I see you came to get your stuff then....'

Do it OP! Take everything you own!

Hassled · 25/03/2016 20:11

Bloody hell I don't want to EVER mess with you lot - this is terrifying :o

Waltermittythesequel · 25/03/2016 20:13

there was a kitchen there when she moved in yes it may have been crap but you cannot leagaly take the replacement

There were two cupboards when she moved in. She can leave the equivalent, but a full, freestanding kitchen is not the replacement of two cupboards.

You can and should take everything you paid for.

CoraPirbright · 25/03/2016 20:20

Mattresses are covered in slightly stretchy material so what you want to do is make a small slit somewhere unobtrusive like near a seam. Then stretch to insert a lobster. It will stink the place out when decomposing and drive him nuts trying to work that one out.

heh heh heh.....

Grapefruit8 · 25/03/2016 20:22

Take every single thing that isn't screwed down. Take all the toilet roll. Take the bedsheets. Take all the towels- maybe leave a single hand towel as a gesture. Take the food out of the fridge. Empty the place! I did this once and it was the most liberating thing I have ever done. Grin

nicenewdusters · 25/03/2016 20:29

Shame you didn't pay for any new windows............... just saying.

PhoenixReisling · 25/03/2016 20:32

Personally, I wouldn't care if he and his friends/family thought I was the psycho ex.

I would have a little fun which wouldn't involve vandalism, but fun in a way that would drive him ever so crazy.

p0ppers · 25/03/2016 20:37

This thread is Brilliant! The subtle ideas being the best, deletion of game data, taking chargers, removing fuses etc. For weeks on end each day will pose a fresh PITA.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/03/2016 20:40

OP I hope you're in the process of getting your stuff. What a dick he is, I wouldn't feel any guilt for him, he didn't afford any such feelings for you. Thanks

You lot are good! makes mental note to never piss any of you lot off

MooPointCowsOpinion · 25/03/2016 20:52

Wouldn't mess with you lot!

I'd take everything I paid for, bolted down or not. I'd also take the teabags, sugar and coffee, and any food he might enjoy.

Teaandcakeat8 · 25/03/2016 20:57

When I broke up with my ex dp just before Christmas I thought it was amicable and we were going to be friends, therefore I let him have all of his Christmas presents and didn't take anything from the flat we had furnished together.

A few weeks later I found out he was cheating on me and has moved the new gf in!

In hindsight I wished I'd taken anything I could.

Take as much as you can and especially if you need it for your new flat! Inc food, utensils etc the cost of those adds up.

To all those worrying if she has proof she owns it, I'd be incredibly surprised if the ex could be bothered to get the police involved.
I'm sure he'd be too embarrassed.

Choceclair123 · 25/03/2016 21:10

How is it stealing? You're just moving out. Take the lot, it's yours, you paid for it. Pretty sure you won't want the scumbag's new trollop sitting on your lovely couch!

LittleRedSparke · 25/03/2016 21:16

i love the delete the game status data idea!

FeralBeryl · 25/03/2016 21:23

Oh take it all! Can any of us help you? Nice new fresh start for you now Flowers

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin · 25/03/2016 21:25

Fill the toilet cistern with concentrated washing up liquid. Ibiza foam party every time he flushes for days Grin and no lasting damage.

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2016 22:01

Did anyone else laugh out loud at "put an unobtrusive split in the mattress and insert a lobster"?

hefzi · 25/03/2016 22:03

Bloody hell, I wish MN had existed when I got divorced Grin - I have no intention of ever living with anyone again, but I am storing up these ideas in case of friends in need: ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin - Ibiza foam? Genius Grin!

springscoming · 25/03/2016 22:04

Yes. Me.
I didn't go into details when DH asked though. I'm filing these for future reference Grin

Fyaral · 25/03/2016 22:15

These ideas are great Grin