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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
DiscoDancer · 28/03/2016 01:34

Hope OP is ok...

swiggityswoogity · 28/03/2016 04:40

You had a common law marriage. It belongs to both of you.

brassywind · 28/03/2016 05:23

Swiggity, common law marriage doesn't exist. It's a fallacy and has no foundation in law. OP and the git lived together, that is all. She is entitled to remove her belongings.

Hissy · 28/03/2016 08:14

And everything she paid for...

Annecyinyourpantsy · 28/03/2016 08:52

How did it go op?

Skittlesss · 28/03/2016 09:01

Gosh I hope she's just busy taking her stuff.
Come back, op!!!

cowssheephens · 28/03/2016 09:40

Hope you got your stuff OP?

Lunar1 · 28/03/2016 10:04

I hope the op is sitting in comfort having moved all her things into her new house!

SlinkyVagabond · 28/03/2016 10:17

Those stamp things work on clothes don't they? And it doesn't wash out. Discreetly monogrammed boxers? Tastefully decorated sheets?
It would be awful if anyone left any leaflets from the GUM clinic lying about.
And all those saying don't do anything vicious, sometimes the contemplation is more cathartic than the deed.

RaspberryOverload · 28/03/2016 10:37

I'm just hoping the OP is being busy enough getting her stuff and setting up elsewhere.

And some of these revenge ideas sound inspired Grin

TiverMeShimbers · 28/03/2016 10:37

If I know the OP (and I do Grin) she's still in bed with a light-to-medium sized hangover after a night out with an amazingly supportive friend (no...not me).

I'm sure she's entirely unaware of the number of people gagging to know the outcome so I shall text her and ask her to post an update with the utmost urgency...

Unicow · 28/03/2016 10:37

Take what you bought, leaving two kitchen units is perfect as that's what was there. You need it and you paid for it. He can use the money he owes you to replace it.

Hope you get it all out with no issues.

RaspberryOverload · 28/03/2016 10:40

I'd suggest you only take the stuff you can prove you bought though. Even if you know you bought something if you can't actually prove you bought it, don't take it. He could just say he bought it and you might be in trouble for stealing.

He would need to prove it as well, if she does. Take what you paid for, OP.

Osirus · 28/03/2016 10:54

"You had a common law marriage. It belongs to both of you"

No such thing in England.

crabbiearses · 28/03/2016 11:08

common law is a bollocks term, all a load of rubbish.

Earworm · 28/03/2016 12:20

THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE! Total fucker of a day because the man with the van suddenly couldn't drive due to a sore neck (sounded like a hangover tbh) so my amazing brother and sister helped me move everything and my friend stayed at the new flat and unpacked it all!!! Overwhelming stuff - unfortunately I have no funny revenge stories to tell. Head held high - left the keys on the table as per attached photo.

SO......he text me to ask what I'd taken. I need to let him know what I've taken before he turns up with family expecting to stay for this funeral. Any ideas you funny lot?

Cheers

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion
OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 28/03/2016 12:23

"Just the stuff I paid for"

YouTheCat · 28/03/2016 12:24

Just tell him, 'Everything that I'd paid for'.

If you did go down the taking the loo roll and light bulbs route, maybe tell him that.

DoreenLethal · 28/03/2016 12:26

he text me to ask what I'd taken

'All my stuff. Fuckity bye asshole'.

PS you do not NEED to do anything you don't want to do. You do not need to text him this at all.

Earworm · 28/03/2016 12:26

I meant to add....I took the sofas (I left him with one manky old armchair/wank throne positioned right in front of the TV) the bed frame (mattress left on floor) the kitchen units even though I don't need them. All the toilet roll, light bulbs, washing powder, cleaning products, the bin, the toilet brush, all the food I bought that was still there. Unfortunately I can't shit on demand.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 28/03/2016 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Earworm · 28/03/2016 12:27

DoreenLethal - fuckity bye was actually what I was thinking!!!

OP posts:
Ememem84 · 28/03/2016 12:29

Send him pictures of your new place.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 28/03/2016 12:31

Well done and no you don't have to text him anything. In fact I would block his number.

BitchyComment · 28/03/2016 12:32

Well done for getting your stuff. That's lovely that your DB and DSis and your friend could help. It must have made it easier.

I'd keep any message as polite and factual as possible. He may be a wanker but he's just been to a funeral and he is history now. You've got your stuff and that's what matters.

Out of interest if you had to choose one 'fantasy' act of revenge from this thread which one would you choose?

Thanks
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