To expect my family to aknowledge my divorce.

[Cutecat78]

Split up with ex H 10 years ago.

Divorced 6 years ago been with OH for 6 yrs engaged for 4.

Upon my divorce I reverted back to my maiden name (kept my married name at work as easier) so my bank account, email everything is now Miss Cutecat.

My family are all aware of this and while it has taken them some time to accept this they can see I have moved on and am happy.

Mother and sister insist on addressing things to Ms Maiden Name or Mrs Married name and every time they are going to email me ask "which email" - Erm the one I have been using for six fucking years.

To top this off my sister repayed me some money into a bank account (Mrs bank acc) I no longer used as in debt management (is over no but I lost the money) and my mum has just asked me "which bank account" to put some money into and has every time for the last 6 years (closed Married Name one was one of two options).

Other than take a full page ad out in the papers AIBU to think it's not that hard to
get used to me not using the one other name I have had in my 40 years of life?!

I dread to think the havoc this will cause when I remarry.....

What is wrong with them using Ms Maidenname?

Tbh, if you're using both like you say, its going to be harder for people to remember.

I don't work with my family - they have nothing at all to do with my working life and it is purely there I am married name.

I hate Ms - I am Miss.

That sounds really annoying. I did what you did and nobody had any problem with it at all.

Then they are doing it on purpose, or are a bit thick. They're your family, you should know which!

They are def not thick - I may be paranoid but with my sister I almost feel it's rubbing a little bit of salt in the wound..,.,

Well... Technically you aren't miss as you are divorced, ms maiden name is correct, and more normal to now use for adult woman, married, single or divorced.

But yes, acting like it's tricky to remember after a decade is odd. Engaged for 4 years, are you planning on marrying again soon? Whatever you do then - if you keep maiden name or change it - they are going to find it incredibly stressful!

If you are divorced you are not Ms.

You are whatever you choose to be called.

You can be Miss if you've been married. There are no rules.

Technically you aren't miss as you are divorced, ms maiden name is correct, and more normal to now use for adult woman, married, single or divorced

No technically about it, you are whatever you choose to use. You can be Miss, Ms or Mrs irrespective of your marital status.

Perhaps every time they ask you, politely ask them with a smile on your face "Which one do you think?"

My commiserations, my family is the same. My mother is still actively pretending that my boyfriend doesn't exist and has finally agreed, after much begging and a threat, to remove the photos of my wedding with the exh from her walls, after almost a decade after we split.

I still think the ex was, for her, the son she never had. Otherwise I can't understand why she insists in pretending things are not over even after all this time.

Ah yes my parents still have my wedding photo up on the wall next to one of my and OH and kids (kids from marriage)

I don't know how old your parents are but my MIL was mortified when my SIL got divorced. She was ashamed to tell people mainly because she was friends with a lot of older women too (WI for example)

Do you think this is the reason your own Mother finds it hard to acknowledge your divorce?

I would present your parents with a replacement photo of you, OH and the children and ask them to replace the one they have.

The wedding one I mean.

I have - a big canvas which is next to the wedding photo

I'm with you; I loathe Ms, it's a ridiculous affectation in my opinion. Have you actually told your family how you feel about this? What happens when you do?

Yeah - they dismiss a lot of what I say as me being "over sensitive".

Maybe I'll start addressing things to my married sister as "Ms"

Perhaps an email to all concerned:

Dear All,

I've noticed there seems to be some confusion around my personal details so I thought it may be helpful to give you some guidance:

My name is Miss Cutecat
My email is [email protected]
My bank details are xxxxx. Yyyyyyyyy

Just to be clear all other accounts are now closed.

Cheers

Cutecat

If they carry on after that go NC and LTB

Agree with matilda. And after that, a blunt reminder that they're upsetting you by reminding you of a sad time in your life and you find it hurtful.

Matilda love it

You do not become a Ms after divorce. That's so inaccurate. Your salutation is whatever you want it to be. Personally, I don't understand why any woman wouldn't use Ms all the time but that's a whole other thread 😃

Your family are being rude to ignore your choices OP.

I know what you are saying re Ms but I always felt it was for women who had given up on getting married or who were incredibly depressed they were divorced - or staunch feminists. I am none of these and I know this sounds terrible so I apologise

Ex H new wife wrote a letter to my old boss basically trying to get me the sack and my mother invited them for a weekend at their country house ....

I've been a Ms since I was about 20, regardless of whether I've been married or single. I've never been depressed about single, and although I'm a feminist, I'm not sure I'd be described as a staunch one. Just a regular one, you know, one who thinks that my marital status is irrelevant in the majority of situations.

Weird assumption.

But yes, you should be addressed how you wish to be addressed. I would be pleased if people addressed be as Ms rather than Mrs, but it doesn't happen very often.