To expect my family to aknowledge my divorce.

[Cutecat78]

Split up with ex H 10 years ago.

Divorced 6 years ago been with OH for 6 yrs engaged for 4.

Upon my divorce I reverted back to my maiden name (kept my married name at work as easier) so my bank account, email everything is now Miss Cutecat.

My family are all aware of this and while it has taken them some time to accept this they can see I have moved on and am happy.

Mother and sister insist on addressing things to Ms Maiden Name or Mrs Married name and every time they are going to email me ask "which email" - Erm the one I have been using for six fucking years.

To top this off my sister repayed me some money into a bank account (Mrs bank acc) I no longer used as in debt management (is over no but I lost the money) and my mum has just asked me "which bank account" to put some money into and has every time for the last 6 years (closed Married Name one was one of two options).

Other than take a full page ad out in the papers AIBU to think it's not that hard to
get used to me not using the one other name I have had in my 40 years of life?!

I prefer to avoid all these social constructs and address people as first name surname. I do not answer to Ms.

jane do you answer to Miss or Mrs?

How are you addressed formally and verbally Jane ?

Jane informally, Jane Girl formally. Rarely need to use Miss or Mrs.

How do you get round the online forms that require a title? Genuinely curious - I agree that titles are irrelevant - first name, surname would be fine with me.

"I know what you are saying re Ms but I always felt it was for women who had given up on getting married or who were incredibly depressed they were divorced - or staunch feminists. I am none of these and I know this sounds terrible so I apologise grin"

Yes it does sound terrible. Because it is terrible.

If I were a member of your family, I would persist in calling you Ms forever.

Tend not to fill in online forms.

At work we fill in a full stop for all titles for internal online forms and the system lets us.

I don't understand why you would chose to be Miss. It makes me think if a teen or early 20s young woman.
Why do you want to be defined as a single woman at all? Do you want Miss in your title so you identify as unmarried to the people you meet?
The feminist thing about Ms is probably true. I use Ms like a man uses Mr. I don't want my marital status to be identifiable in my name. It shouldn't matter what my marital status is, to send me a phone bill or open a bank account.
I've been Ms since I was 18. I married and find Ms quite liberating to use. I don't say it, just write it if I need to enter a title. It's no big deal in my life at all.

bertrand me too 😀. Sorry cutecat but it really is one of the most ridiculous assertions I've seen on MN, and I've seen a LOT.

I think that Miss after 30 is just ridiculous, it reminds me of my old aunt and all her sponster friends who insisted to be called miss until their death because some way they thought that not being married and using Mrs equated to some sleazy past

Personally, I found Mrs patronising as well as dropping my surnane to take the one of my exhusband, fortunately, he agreed with me. It was such a nice feeling to stop using it after we split. Happily a Ms these days, my marital status is nobody's business.

If your mother is inviting your Exh and his new woman for the weekend to her house, you have bigger problems. She needs to decide if you are important to her as a daughter or if she would rather be connected to your ex and his new woman.
Sorry but that crosses the line. I would no longer be in contact as I see that as a betrayal that would cut me too deep to forgive.

Meh. Worry about something important

they both assume the convention for divorced women is Ms. I would just accept it and move on. After this period of time, they are unlikely to change.

Regarding the bank accounts, maybe they just have a mental,block so,would,rather check,then get it wrong.

Miss means, "my father still owns me" and Mrs means "I'm the property of my husband". Me means my marital status has fuck all to do with you. Much like Mr for men.

Ms not me

It is important iminshock. It's very important that the salutations we give to women don't just denote their ownership, don't you think?

Miss says to me I got through that. I reclaimed myself.

It's personal - but it's right the prior who love you respect who you choose to be.

Miss means, "my father still owns me" and Mrs means "I'm the property of my husband". Me means my marital status has fuck all to do with you. Much like Mr for men.

What utter utter rubbish. They means nothing of the sort. Good God.

So what do they mean?

If you still use your married name at work then I can see why they'd use that bank account (because they know it exists and is used).

You seem to have other issues with them, but I think you are focusing on the wrong issues with the title and bank accounts.

Well they're nothing to do with ownership for a start. Not everything is a feminist issue, you do get that surely?

You use whichever salutation you want. I personally dislike Ms, so I correct people verbally or when in writing. Quite happily be called Miss or Mrs. Neither are a deal for me.

Sorry cutecat but it really is one of the most ridiculous assertions I've seen on MN, and I've seen a LOT.

Thanks

Married bank account does not still exist.

Ex H new wife wrote a letter to my old boss basically trying to get me the sack

come on, more details (if not outing) pls!!

Miss means, "my father still owns me" and Mrs means "I'm the property of my husband"

does it bollocks in this day and age!
I think that:
Miss means i'm not married,
Mrs means I am,
Ms means i'm not going to say either way as its none of your damn business
(although.... people call them themselves what they like)

Re the bank account, its hard to remember which one is which if its not yours, they probably dont attach it to a name - they just have the sort code and account number