To be completely fucked off with MIL?

[Shambalaa]

Ok so it's step mother-in-law, I get on well with MIL.

SMIL calls DP her son. She found out a month ago we are expecting. DP phoned to tell his dad but SMIL was too ill to come to the phone.

She hasn't called to congratulate us. DP finally called her today. She's fine, wasn't even very ill apparently. I heard the whole conversation as she has a loud voice.

She asked how he was, had a long chat about his health etc. Then asked how his DD is, chatted about her, then asked how his EX is and chatted about how her and DP are getting on.

She finally asks "so when's the baby due?" No congratulations, no how's Shambalaa? I was really upset by this point. DP told her then starts talking about me, she changed the subject and asked whether she should send some clothes for his DD.

Before saying goodbye she says to send her love to me...

DP has asked me what's wrong...

Er it sounds like you're overreacting

Yes, just a bit

She probably disapproves. No skin off your nose...

I've just had a massive row with DP
over it.

I don't understand why she left it a month and even then he had to call her.

Or why all the chit chat and asking after his ex was more important than saying congratulations. The fact she didn't even ask how I was.

I just really feel like she doesn't like me at all and yet DP defends her to the hilt.

Most of the family don't get on with or speak to her as she is very judgemental and can be unkind, but DP will not hear a bad word said.

Do you phone/text/visit her much yourself?

You're not the centre of her universe. Early pregnancy is not as big a deal to those around as it is to you. I think you are over reacting I'm afraid. Sorry.

Yes, she'll probably get more into it as the pregnancy progresses.

Sorry but YABU.

Probably hormones

Why are you bothered about SMIL - seriously if she is someone you and DH speak to once a month or so on the phone she is nothing to you really.

Let it go and focus on you, your baby and DH

YANBU, l think l would feel the same way as you did and l am really surprised and perhaps disappointed in your DP for not seeing why you are upset. More the fact that you were the last to be mentioned in the conversation. I would think in some way she is not happy/disapproves of you or the pregnancy. Was she close to the ex?

It does sound a bit like she doesn't like you much (is there history?) and she's certainly not particularly interested in you. But does that really matter? She's "just" your stepMIL, presumably you don't need to see her often (if it's a month between phone calls), no-one can be liked by everyone. Just leave it.

Thanks, appreciate the opinions.

I'm 4.5 months pregnant, large bump and hormonal!

Don't see much of her as she lives at the other end of the country.

She really liked his ex. When we went to their house for the first time there was a big photo of his ex on the mantel piece, fair enough with DD was sitting on her knee but I did feel a bit awkward.

We got together really soon after they separated, he left her, she regularly attacked him but SMIL forgets this

Luckily MIL is lovely

How often do you ring your SMIL for a chat?

I've only met her a few times. At first I tried sending her friendly emails but she didn't often reply so I stopped.

Not everyone is going to be as interested in your pregnancy as you are.

Many people are not interested in other peoples pregnancy.

Does she have children of her own? Did she want them? If not perhaps pregnancy stirs painful feelings in her.

She has three children and I think she wanted them.

She's besotted with DP's DD and still sees his ex.

I think it's more the fact she doesn't approve of me or our relationship.

Luckily the rest of his family do and are great. They don't speak to SMIL as she's been unkind to them in the past.

Omigosh! I scan read OP and was going to be another saying bless, it's your hormones/early pregnaant etc love, and only as I scan read thread and saw your second post did something make me go 'eh?' and so go back UP to OP - where finally clocked this gem buried in the middle of it:

'Then asked how his DD is, chatted about her, then asked how his EX is and chatted about how her and DP are getting on'

And the answer is Nooooooooooooooooo! You are SO NBU - am , how could she do that? All else aside (& that's a lot!), how fucking rude is that?

Is it that DP overtly supports her/won't hear a word against her, or that DP is more passive and doesn't want to rock the boat? I could just about possibly forgive him if it was the latter tho I'd tell him to grow a pair but if the former (and in this context), he is BVVVU!

PS I'm wondering if the first posters missed that bit as I did? Would explain the comments like the ones I was going to make

Here, have some and make your DP RTFT

How long have you been together? She may have been hoping, he would reconcile with his ex, since you met soon after they broke up? She'll get over it. Congratulations on your pregnancy

Why did you get in a row with your DH over SMiL? He has no control over her behaviour, why get angry with him over it? If he was defending her, was it really defending her or defending himself because he didn't get on her case about asking about the ex and not asking about you?

I'd let it go. You can't control other people. As long as she isn't openly rude to you and treats you politely, as long as she doesn't badmouth or undermine you to DH and the rest of the family, just let it go. She's not worth one iota of your time. You have much better, and happier, things to think about.

Congratulations, btw

Am I being dense wish whys it a problem to ask how two ex's who have a shared child are getting on, I would have thought that's quite important stuff

I was angry because he refused to see why I was upset.

He said she was only asking after his ex as she knew they hadn't been getting along and was trying to subtly pry....

He said she sent her love what more do I want?

Him, and a lot of us too

I wouldn't worry about it. My MIL is a bit of an ignorant bint too. I've been with my DH for 6 years now and if you asked her any general knowledge question about me I don't think she'd get any right!

They arrived at our wedding ceremony late, got steaming at the reception then left without saying goodbye to anyone and left the bouquet we had got her for during the speeches.

We bought a new house a mile away from hers 6 months ago, and she has never been to see it. Despite invitations and dropping DSD off outside about once a week!

I don't really get it? His ex was a nightmare and without sounding Big headed I get on with most people. I made an effort for the first three years but I just don't bother now and don't let it get to me.