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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to still be offended by this teacher?

192 replies

danieladarling · 23/03/2016 20:37

Our children are half Brazilian and half Jamaican. My youngest DS2 is VERY fair but has light brown afro hair (not a big afro), a dusky tone to his skin and greeny blue eyes. He had a parent's evening last Thursday and my DH got there first. I was dropping off our older son at rugby and was a little bit late. When my DH arrived, he sat down at a chair with a sign that had our son's name on it. You know the typical parent's evening setup. After about a minute of sitting, one of the teachers came up and said to him "Hi, I think you're in the wrong chair. This is for 's parents. Maybe you should sit at your child's table instead." My DH then replied, "No, I am s dad". She laughed and said, "No, seriously you should probably move. When his parents come, they'll want to sit there". Again he explained that he was DS2's dad. Confused She then walked away from him and came back with the headteacher! They both asked him to move away from the table and exit the school! [shocked] So he did. We arrived at the school (Me and DS2) and he was standing by the gates looking a bit upset. I asked him what he was doing there and we went inside. We then sat down at the table and began to listen to teachers talk about DS2. I wanted to give those women a piece of my mind but DS2 and my DH begged me not to. [embarrassed]I can tell that my DH is still upset about it. I'm thinking of lodging a complaint but I need my trusty mumsnetters to tell me whether I'm being a drama queen!
I'm the Brazilian parent, he's the Jamaican, if that wasn't clear.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/03/2016 21:27

I know why they asked him to leave. What I don't get is why he did!

What sort of school is this?

Coconutty · 23/03/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:29

I can assure you Oak it happened. Random, weird, strange and scary in modern UK!
His brother is 13 average height for his age but quite bulky. Looks his age though.
Bertrand He left because he was embarrassed. We were all reeling from the shock and utter stupidity.

OP posts:
danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:30

To be honest Bert, my husband isn't one to pick a fight. I think he was completely and utterly bewildered and a little bit broke from being accused of not being his son's father.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 23/03/2016 21:32

Bloody hell!! That is OUTRAGEOUS Angry Angry Angry

Too right you should complain. Stick them on a bonfire, I would. It was entirely unacceptable on every possible count.

I'd create such a stink about this. My kids are a different race to me - and look nothing like me at all in any shape or form - and i've had some shocked faces at parents evening - but teachers did their level best to cover up their shock. And that was a while ago. Something like this is ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE now.

Sorry to shout - but really!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 23/03/2016 21:33

That is shocking. You need to write down everything that happened as you have done here and email it to the governors and cc in the head too. And demand a meeting with them all tomorrow to ask them what they're going to do about it. Jesus, I'd be bloody nuclear.

BreakfastLunchPasta · 23/03/2016 21:36

He's been treated appallingly.

As to why he left when asked, I expect he was feeling awful and didn't want them to make things worse for him. He couldn't win in that situation, if he'd raised his voice or argued he'd have been labelled an 'aggressive black male'.

The two teachers ought to be ashamed. You must take it further.

danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:38

Right, guys, please continue to help me out here! You're a lovely bunch you mumsnetters and I can rely on you for help and opinions. We're heading out now to my DD's recital. At a terrible time but she wants us there and I won't let her down. Do you think I should tell DH that I'm writing the letter and thinking about moving DS2 from the school? I will be back!

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 23/03/2016 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Donthate · 23/03/2016 21:39

Complain in writing

danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:39

Yes, Breakfast
I didn't want to put it down in writing but he would have been completely stereotyped if he'd said anything! Angry

OP posts:
BreakfastLunchPasta · 23/03/2016 21:39

Oh, YANBU.

I keep having to restrain myself from swearing tbh, and it's even my dh.

Coconutty · 23/03/2016 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreakfastLunchPasta · 23/03/2016 21:41

NOT even my dh!! Stupid typo Blush

danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:41

No we are Coco but her teachers have had a mad idea of doing a recital at this time and turning it into a pyjama party after the recital. Hmm

OP posts:
danieladarling · 23/03/2016 21:42

Haha ~Breakfast unfortunantley he's not up for sale but I'll drop you a line if he is! Grin

OP posts:
magpie247 · 23/03/2016 21:44

Omg! That's shockingly rude! Even if he wasn't his biological father, why would he be asked to leave?! That's appealing. Complain or nothing changes!!!

RubbleBubble00 · 23/03/2016 21:44

That's just weird - why on earth when he said he was your dc dad they didn't listen to him

magpie247 · 23/03/2016 21:44

*appaling

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2016 21:44

What sort of school is this?

Birthgeek · 23/03/2016 21:45

I'd write to the board of governers, detailing what happened and asking for a full explanation.

Floggingmolly · 23/03/2016 21:46

He could have been your sons stepfather. It's a little hard to credit that they thought he was some weirdo who'd gate crashed parents evening for some nefarious purpose and ordered him to leave the building Hmm
Even more so that he actually went...
When you say he got there before you; why did he go on ahead and try to talk to the teacher on his own anyway, instead of waiting for you??

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 23/03/2016 21:47

To everyone saying: What if he kids are identifiable/the teacher might see this....I hope she bloomin' well does. Angry Hope other parents recognise how their head teacher acted an 'all.
Beyond belief honestly. I would be accusing you of trolling OP if you didn't seem so nice. It's just...I have done parents' evenings. You say hello, introduce yourself, head welcomes people outside hall and then mills around a bit. I just cannot imagine this scenario.
What I would have done is found the head and said, hand outstretched, hello I'm Z's mum, let me introduce you to his dad...and awaited a response/apology. If none forthcoming I would then have said Apparently a teacher asked you to ask my husband to leave earlier, could you explain what happened?
I would have also brought it up with the form tutor/class teacher.

Pipbin · 23/03/2016 21:49

I can't believe the headteacher actually came over rather than telling the teacher to wind her neck in.

SalemSaberhagen · 23/03/2016 21:50

A recital and a pyjama party on a school night?

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