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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect to XH to be prosecuted over the £80,000 he owes in child support?

347 replies

CreviceImp · 22/03/2016 09:09

Bit of background. My XH has refused to pay child support for years. The CSA have been ineffective to say the least. There have been a couple of occasions whereby he has had some attachment to earnings made and payments have happened but not for years. I have given up my career as a teacher because I have a severely disabled child (and two others to care for) and have been her carer for years.He currently is self employed as a haulage driver.

The last conversation I had with the CSA (or whatever moniker they are currently using) I was told they couldn't find a firm address for him. I found one and passed it on but they said they needed absolute confirmation and they couldn't get it. I received a letter last week stating they had written to him to let him know he no longer had to pay child support but his arrears still stood. Seems they have an address after all.....

Having got my MP involved to no avail and written/contacted them numerous times AIBU to expect that he now be imprisoned for the years of what amounts to child neglect? He has refused to share the care let alone the financial burden.

AIBU to ask what this government is going to do to deal with this ongoing inequality towards women and children? I see no social justice.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2016 15:37

CS should be exempt from bankruptcy.

Canada normally only imprisons when they are fairly sure that the person can pay and won't. The classic was a doctor who had moved to Dubai earning a fortune, owed a fortune. He was arrested at the airport when he came back for a visit.

Someone should do a study between countries and look at the deterrents, social stigma, system and sex-ratio and work out what works and what doesn't.

Akire · 22/03/2016 15:45

Not sure why CSA not trying because can't be sure about address. I've been having court letters and bailf threats for non child support payments for some scumbag that's never lived here! (Only resident from new build) keep telling them he's not here. Must add though they don't actual turn up so if he was here they hardly breaking a sweat to try claim back any money.

Love idea about linking to credit score. Sometimes people may need time pay arreas but it's still owed.

Micah · 22/03/2016 15:48

So the dr gets put in prison, costing the taxpayer a fair amount. Gets out, can't work as cant pass a dbs check. Still doesnt pay cm.

Rp doesnt get backdated money, and there are no future earnings.

Unless I'm missing something?

Akire · 22/03/2016 15:50

You rely on fact that most people in facing prison, lose reputation, liscence, criminal record would actually decided to pay whatever fair amount has been decided by the courts- until their child is 18.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2016 15:55

So the dr gets put in prison, costing the taxpayer a fair amount. Gets out, can't work as cant pass a dbs check. Still doesnt pay cm.

Oooooorrrr they don't like the idea of going to prison so they agree a repayment schedule, actually pay and the children get what they deserve. At the same time preventing them from producing any more children they won't pay for.

Punishment, deterrent and prevention. The three justifications for imprisonment.

splendide · 22/03/2016 15:56

Personally I wouldn't support putting debtors in prison but I don't see why they couldn't be sued in the civil court.

NewLife4Me · 22/03/2016 15:58

OP, I don't think there's a decent person on the planet that wouldn't sign your petition.

TeaOnEverest · 22/03/2016 15:59

I'm with you, and will sign a petition. Tax Credits hound me for every overdue penny, yet my ex has got away with not financially supporting the child he created, for years

At this stage, I wouldn't take his money if he offered it to me in a giant Lindt egg, but that isn't the point.

It should be socially unacceptable for an absent parent to fail to support their child. Then maybe they won't get naive women continuing to shag them and listen to their "my ex is a bitch" woes

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2016 15:59

See I think that's the issue. They aren't debtors. We need to stop seeing them like that. They are parents who don't feed and clothe their children. They are neglecting and abusing children. If I didn't buy my child food, I would rightly be pilloried as a child abuser. But for some reason we fail to see NRP in this light. We need to reframe the entire debate.

TeaOnEverest · 22/03/2016 16:04

Also, absolutely what Mrs Terry Pratchett says

If I did not spend any money on my child, she would starve. She would have inadequate clothing, no stimulation, toys, trips out, music lessons. I would quite rightly be jailed for neglect as she would be an abused child

Yet my ex,not only fails in his responsibilities to his child, but has created even more children. I give it three years before he fucks off on their mum. He'll still be young enough to start family number 3

It would cost the taxpayer less to come down hard on him right at the start

splendide · 22/03/2016 16:06

Interesting point MrsTP.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 22/03/2016 16:16

Judge Judy is often saying that if a father doesn't pay the child support he owes then he will lose his driving licence. So that must be the law in (at least some parts of) the US. I think that should be the case in the UK as well.

Also, it seems to me being self-employed is taken advantage of by men to avoid paying child support.

Andrewofgg · 22/03/2016 16:22

The whole mechanism for making people pay their debts is broken - not just CS.

But locking them up achieves nothing except to stop them earning at once and probably making them unemployable for the future. Which does nothing for the creditors, does it?

cannotlogin · 22/03/2016 16:42

child maintenance debts are exempt from bankruptcy otherwise there'd be millions more NRP out there laughing their heads of

Been separated/divorced for over 8 years. I only got maintenance for 2 years - when the CSA got an Order of Sale and then a Possession Order on his house. He came within days of losing it. CSA said I was 'lucky' as at any given time they have 'a number' of houses being sold. In other words, people willing to lose their properties rather than support their children.

The simple fact is that the CSA/CMS is a toothless tiger. It relies on people not wanting to break the Law (or at least who are fearful of breaking the Law). Anyone who's ever been in debt will know that it can take an awful long time to get anything out of you and if you don't have it, so much the harder. My ex is clever enough to keep his head down and not buy anything flashy - consequently, as a result of self employment - he has had a £nil assessment for the last 2 years.

I no longer care. In fact, the letter saying £nil is a prize possession - as long as he had an assessment he could say he supported his children (even if he wasn't paying it). He can't now. When they are old enough to get it, that one piece of paper says it all.

cannotlogin · 22/03/2016 16:48

If I didn't buy my child food, I would rightly be pilloried as a child abuser. But for some reason we fail to see NRP in this light

because there are too many people out there who are invested in relationships with these people? because you don't know want to know that your son/cousin/friend/work colleague/partner that you get on with and admire doesn't do even the basics for their children....so it's easier to follow the skewed logic that somehow, that's the ex's fault on the basis of I kept her whilst she was a SAHM/I paid the mortgage/I left her the house, furniture and children/she's a bitch/she had an affair so why should he be expected to support his children/she earns good money/she's not benefits and doesn't support her children so why should he....I could go on.

You are 100% right. The non-payment of child maintenance needs to be viewed in the same way as drunk-driving. I shout about it constantly to anyone who will listen - we should all be doing the same.

VertigoNun · 22/03/2016 17:05

A dual criminal/civil court case for these neglectful parents is required.

splendide · 22/03/2016 17:37

But you wouldn't be prosecuted if you didn't buy your child food as long as someone else was buying it. It might (depending on circumstances) make you a colossal arsehole.

antimatter · 22/03/2016 17:37

Why isn't CSA exercising any of those then?

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/legal-action-child-maintenance-service-can-take

lertgush · 22/03/2016 18:42

Judge Judy is often saying that if a father doesn't pay the child support he owes then he will lose his driving licence. So that must be the law in (at least some parts of) the US. I think that should be the case in the UK as well.

Yes it is the case, at least in my state. One of my best friends has struggled to get her ex to pay child support. So far he's lost his driving license and spent four days in prison. He's now out of prison and looking for a job for the first time in years because he doesn't want to go back to prison.

peggyundercrackers · 22/03/2016 19:25

The piece around maintenance does need changed but not in isolation - it needs to include looking at nrp and their relationship with their children, it needs to look at access, at nasty rp's/nrps and to look at what's best for the child. People should be made to take care of their children - just because you pay for them doesn't mean you take care of them.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 22/03/2016 19:37

It needs to be looked at as a whole picture. There are many NRP's not paying child support but equally there are many resident parents not financially providing for their children either who could work or do more than the token 16 hours (careers where the child cannot access any childcare or doesn't go to school obv exempt) You can't punish one parent and say the other is fine to not pay either.

If harsher measures were in place for both then perhaps more children would be supported as parents would know they have no choice.

Equallu courts could favour 50/50 so no child support is due and each just pays the costs on the days they have them. Equal costs, opportunity to work for both and the child has the chance to build an equal relationship with both.

Andrewofgg · 22/03/2016 20:06

Taking away his driving license is really going to make him more employable, isn't it?

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2016 20:09

Taking away his driving license is really going to make him more employable, isn't it? Maybe he should have thought of that before racking up 80K of arrears. He looks like he has no intention of paying. Why should anyone care if he's employable? And possibly when his shitty behaviour impacts him, as well as his ex and children, he might give enough of a shit to start a payment plan.

AppleSetsSail · 22/03/2016 20:21

I agree with MrsPratchett - when someone has so spectacularly fallen short of the mark, who cares if they're employable - it's beyond repair. Just a year or two of consistently imprisoning men who don't pay for their children would probably sort this out.

AppleSetsSail · 22/03/2016 20:24

But you wouldn't be prosecuted if you didn't buy your child food as long as someone else was buying it. It might (depending on circumstances) make you a colossal arsehole.

If mothers didn't buy their children food, no one else would. This abuse is consistently perpetrated by fathers, secure in the knowledge that the mothers will pick up their slack.