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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to XH to be prosecuted over the £80,000 he owes in child support?

347 replies

CreviceImp · 22/03/2016 09:09

Bit of background. My XH has refused to pay child support for years. The CSA have been ineffective to say the least. There have been a couple of occasions whereby he has had some attachment to earnings made and payments have happened but not for years. I have given up my career as a teacher because I have a severely disabled child (and two others to care for) and have been her carer for years.He currently is self employed as a haulage driver.

The last conversation I had with the CSA (or whatever moniker they are currently using) I was told they couldn't find a firm address for him. I found one and passed it on but they said they needed absolute confirmation and they couldn't get it. I received a letter last week stating they had written to him to let him know he no longer had to pay child support but his arrears still stood. Seems they have an address after all.....

Having got my MP involved to no avail and written/contacted them numerous times AIBU to expect that he now be imprisoned for the years of what amounts to child neglect? He has refused to share the care let alone the financial burden.

AIBU to ask what this government is going to do to deal with this ongoing inequality towards women and children? I see no social justice.

OP posts:
Stormtreader · 08/04/2016 16:44

I think a poster on a previous thread said that in America/Canada (cant remember which), child support is calculated from and taken at the same time as income tax, so non-payment isnt an option and any attempt to "disguise self-employed income" is actually tax evasion and will be prosecuted.

Why on earth dont we have that system here?

Bogeyface · 08/04/2016 16:56

Why on earth dont we have that system here?

Because the government is still a predominantly male institution and they wont rock a boat that sees so many of them get away with paying little to nothing.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 17:10

My thoughts on it too Bogeyface

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 08/04/2016 17:31

I've noticed that very few people have signed this yet, just over 200. I shared it on social media and virtually nobody has commented on it.

Do you think this is because people don't care about this issue because they think it doesn't affect them? Or do they genuinely think that fathers shouldn't support their children? Or another reason. Maybe it's too early days to be wondering this.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 17:57

It is puzzling. You would think it would galvanise more people into action.
People really need to get behind it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 18:00

I think that it is probably a case of people not being interested if it doesn't directly affect them, sadly. 😕

The days of being spirited and political seem to have been left in the 1990's.....

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 08/04/2016 18:18

There are lots of single parents out there. I would guess nearly all of them would sign this. And plenty more people with empathy and intelligence who aren't single parents. How can we get the petition to more people? How do we get more people to share it on social media?

NameChanger22 · 08/04/2016 18:25

And I suspect all the 'women are gold diggers' narrative doing the rounds right now isn't helping. Do lots of people genuinely think that a mother who chases maintenance payments for her children is doing it because she cares too much about money?

In my experience it's about justice, necessity and love for your children.

fusspot66 · 08/04/2016 18:36

I just signed it. I had to look through the thread to find it. It hasn't made it to Facebook yet but if I see it I'll share it.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 18:43

Can anyone help get the message out on Facebook?
I am not so techie savvy and could used some help if anyone could lend their expertise.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 08/04/2016 18:45

I signed and shared.

I wonder if the child neglect aspect is putting some people off signing it though?

So many people clearly think that not providing for your child as long as the other parent is isn't neglect. They think of a neglected child and see a starved child, one who has ill fitting clothes etc. I completely agree that it is neglect but sadly I don't think that many people will.

My dad never paid a penny to my mum and she never tried to get him to because she didn't want the hassle. No one would think of us as neglected, although clearly my dad neglected our needs. I wish my mum did take it to court or something, I still hate the thought that he just got away with everything.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 18:52

gingerbreadcampaigns.wordpress.com

This makes interesting reading. Might dispel some ill-thought through notions posted on the thread.

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 08/04/2016 18:57

Yes the gold digger misogynistic attitude is probably one reason. The biggest reason is it isn't an issue for them so they don't care. You get some empathetic people who sign, most people simply don't give a shit.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 19:01

www.gingerbread.org.uk/news/310/Gingerbread-responds-to-new-child-maintenance-arrears-figures

This gives an insight into the scale of the problem and makes shocking reading.

If you care about social justice please support the petition and share.

OP posts:
fusspot66 · 08/04/2016 19:04

I copied the link and posted it on my Facebook status
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895

VertigoNun · 08/04/2016 19:10

OP tweet that the petition link and your chosen # at people like JK ROWLING and feminists.

Did you post a thread in feminist chat discussing ex partner financial abuse? You could link the petition if people are interested.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 19:28

Thanks for the tips VertigoNun. I have already done that at your earlier suggestion. Hopefully it has worked. 🙂

I did posted on the Feminist board but it was deleted and moved to petitions again when I started to try and get a conversation going.

Thank-you fusspot really appreciate your support and linking it on Facebook is incredibly helpful Flowers

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 08/04/2016 20:29

It worked you have an mp interested Grin

VertigoNun · 08/04/2016 20:37

mobile.twitter.com/JamesWallerD

VertigoNun · 08/04/2016 20:39

It looks like they are organising you to go on Women's hour and a Guardian piece.

NameChanger22 · 08/04/2016 21:30

That's great Vertigo.

LauraMipsum · 08/04/2016 21:37

I know Matt, he might be a Tory Grin but he's a really nice chap with an actual conscience. Hope he's able to help.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 08/04/2016 22:33

I think most of the resistance people have towards signing petitions like these is that it's such a huge issue that the majority of people know and like, possibly love, someone who doesn't financially support their children. Because of this they accept the justifications and defend them. It's sad really. Such huge swathes of society who are able to ignore an obvious and pronounced problem because they're fond of the people causing it.

cheminotte · 08/04/2016 22:39

I've signed OP. Not a single parent myself but think this is really important.