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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to XH to be prosecuted over the £80,000 he owes in child support?

347 replies

CreviceImp · 22/03/2016 09:09

Bit of background. My XH has refused to pay child support for years. The CSA have been ineffective to say the least. There have been a couple of occasions whereby he has had some attachment to earnings made and payments have happened but not for years. I have given up my career as a teacher because I have a severely disabled child (and two others to care for) and have been her carer for years.He currently is self employed as a haulage driver.

The last conversation I had with the CSA (or whatever moniker they are currently using) I was told they couldn't find a firm address for him. I found one and passed it on but they said they needed absolute confirmation and they couldn't get it. I received a letter last week stating they had written to him to let him know he no longer had to pay child support but his arrears still stood. Seems they have an address after all.....

Having got my MP involved to no avail and written/contacted them numerous times AIBU to expect that he now be imprisoned for the years of what amounts to child neglect? He has refused to share the care let alone the financial burden.

AIBU to ask what this government is going to do to deal with this ongoing inequality towards women and children? I see no social justice.

OP posts:
ElderlyKoreanLady · 30/03/2016 15:19

I do agree with Toad's post in the main actually. However, it only concerns residency cases that go to court and the impression I get is that most don't. Mine certainly hasn't. DD's father simply doesn't seem inclined to take it that way despite not seeing her at all. I've asked him to (there are issues that I need to have discussed in mediation/court in order to assure he's not deceiving me and has genuinely changed). The interests of each parent need to be child-focussed in order for 50:50 residency to work the way that it ideally should.

The problem in my case is our interests aren't aligned. If he had her 50% of the time, he'd lose far more income than he currently pays me in maintenance (either childcare or a reduction in working hours, plus all the costs of actually raising her). A lovely quirk of how poor the calculation for minimum child support really is...a 'parent' whose interests are predominantly financial is better off paying the minimum amount of maintenance. Added to that, going through court would mean my safeguarding concerns would be on official records. He'll avoid that at all costs.

On the flip side, if he had her 50% of the time, I could earn far more than he gives in maintenance. To boot, I genuinely believe she'd be better off with two enthusiastic parents than just one. He's far from enthusiastic though. His last contact suggested he see her for a few hours every other weekend and that was under the assumption I'd just hand her over on his word that she's now safe with him. I won't push the issue because her safety and emotional wellbeing are more important to me than the financial implications. One of us would have to push the issue for it to get to a courtroom. That won't happen.

I'm part of a Facebook group that discusses access and maintenance issues quite a lot. It's got quite a different demographic to MN and some opinions expressed on the threads make me despair. Very few cases discussed have been to court and an awful lot of the resident mothers are of the opinion that fathers should be able to take or leave contact as they please and say they're too proud to make the NRP pay maintenance. There are others who think that if access is denied for any reason, including safeguarding, the NRP should never have to pay a penny. And plenty of NRPs who simply can't afford to increase access through the courts.

My point is, where both parents have the child's best interests at heart, the only instances where these issues see the inside of a courtroom are when they disagree on what is in the child's best interests. Otherwise, the cases that get to court are in the main those where the interests of the parents differ and the parent who's best served by the law can afford to get through the legal process.

StrangeLookingParasite · 30/03/2016 23:04

and how can NRP support their child if they are being denied access?

boggle You really can't see how?

BeALert · 31/03/2016 15:35

I just don't think it is that serious to warrant a criminal penalty. Some women get into relationships (and get pregnant) to men who they are know are a waste of space deep down but are then shocked when they up and leave, so in these cases I don't think they should have the right to have them criminalised.

And many many many women are married to men who then leave them and refuse to pay anything towards their children.

If your husband left you, and no longer supported your children, would you still think it's just 'not that serious'?

Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 11:18

Hello everyone,

In light of the refusal to publish the last petition I have made another one. I thought the last one was bloody obvious in what it was asking but apparently not......

Anyway here's hoping this one will clarify the position to the bod who decides if it is passed Hmm

Please lend your support if you feel strongly about it and agree it is a social injustice as things currently stand.

[[I’ve made a petition – will you sign it?

Click this link to sign the petition:
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895/sponsors/r7SMKHriuAeTVvQ0al

My petition:

Charge non-resident parents who evade child support payments with child neglect.

Current legislation does not recognise non-payment of child support as neglect. After a year of non-compliance separate criminal charges should be brought against such non-resident parents for child neglect. Resident parents should also be able to prosecute non-compliant NRP for financial abuse.

Figures from 2011 indicate that 95.2% of parents who approached the Child Support Agency in order to access their legal entitlement for child maintenance were female. The failure to collect rates are astonishing. It is therefore a gender inequality issue. This social injustice needs to be urgently addressed.The far reaching repercussions have to be legally recognised for both the parent with care and the child/ren when one parent fails to support their child/ren. It is neglect and abuse.]]

OP posts:
Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 11:20

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895/sponsors/r7SMKHriuAeTVvQ0al

Link here

OP posts:
Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 11:25

In other news I have booked an appointment to see my MP on 13th May.
I am going to ask him if he can lend his support to the campaign and give some more up to date figures on gender proportion, money owed and how many NRPs have actually been to prison for failure to support their child/ren. I also want a breakdown in terms of the timing-how long does it take to before this action is taken?

If anyone has any other questions they want answers to please let me know and I will run them by him too.

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 12:13

I think the self employed, employed by family and bank account sharing cop ours need addressing too. So enablers are socially and criminally responsible for their child abuse too.

VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 12:14

*cop outs

Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 12:20

Totally agree.

This is why I think making it a child neglect offence will help. A separate prosecution outside of the duff child support agency might galvanise the dodgers into action who won't want a criminal record for that.

It will also mean that once a debt has been legally established the police can get involved tracking down the person.

It is time that this is recognised for the crime it is and dealt with accordingly.

OP posts:
Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 12:31

With reference to the other points about child access- my view is that ideally it should be split 50/50. That is not always possible in cases of abusive individuals obviously and other extenuating circumstances but should be the normal expectation.

[Information withdrawn by MNHQ to protect poster's privacy]

I don't think that not seeing your children should be an option either but it is a separate issue to the one I raised on this thread intially.

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 12:53

Op some advice when speaking to your MP or press in future is not to get drawn off topic. Remember what your focus is and stick to that topic. Those wanting you to fail will use the tactic of changing the topic to weaken your argument.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 13:18

Good advice. Thank-you Flowers

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 07/04/2016 14:34

Start a new thread when your petition goes live

Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 15:29

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895

It's been approved!!!

Please give your support.

OP posts:
TheRegularShow · 07/04/2016 15:52

Signed

TheRegularShow · 07/04/2016 16:51

Come on people get signing and sharing!

Original poster
CreviceImp · 07/04/2016 17:57

mobile.twitter.com/account

On Twitter now trying to get to grips with it. Any advice most welcome.

I am Kerry Ann Howard @kerryannhoward2

OP posts:
Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 08:40

Bumping today. Please add your support to the petition.

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 08/04/2016 08:56

Done

TheRegularShow · 08/04/2016 09:11

Knew it wouldn't be long before negativity hit this petition, I posted a thread on lone parents with a link to this position and commented on one post and got accused of spamming the boards!

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 09:22

Regular how ridiculous. How on earth is raising awareness and campaigning against this injustice spamming? Sounds like someone with an agenda of their own who isn't happy we are calling out this behaviour.... Thank-you for all your efforts despite the inevitable grief x Flowers

Thank-you everyone else. Please continue to support and share.

OP posts:
TheRegularShow · 08/04/2016 09:32

I know posting 2 posts on a lone parents board is not spamming mumsnet!
I thought the same they must have an agenda to say that.

Original poster
CreviceImp · 08/04/2016 09:39

That is a really odd response. It is an issue that effects so many posters on this site, either directly or indirectly. So many posters have offered their views and /or support and feel really strongly about the matter.

Mumsnet used to be political and supportive - what on earth happened?

OP posts:
TheRegularShow · 08/04/2016 09:49

I feel the same, what annoys me though if it was a fun petition like 'get Ant and Dec back' or something which wasn't important it would have thousands of signatures but something which affects children's lives isn't seen as worth signing for.
It's disheartening to see women actually defending men not paying for their children and it is a gender issue.

BetsyM00 · 08/04/2016 09:57

Signed
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/126895