AIBU to think that the families of people with Mental Illness need more help than we get, because getting support is near on impossible [title amended by MNHQ at OP's request]

[VioletVaccine]

I was going to NC but thought if I did, because of the contents I'd be labelled goady or a troll, I don't know.

I just want to know, Why is it, if you have a mental illness diagnosis, you can get away with anything you want to, at the cost of people being hurt, mentally and physically?

A member of my family is very ill, but nobody will do anything. Nobody at all will help, and it's making everyone involved in he life ill themselves.
Her parents are 79 and 80 years old. Yet still have to listen and travel and maintain her home and personal care because she won't clean, won't cook, won't move out of her house to buy food, and just screams at them daily, the most disgusting things. Her mother cries to me on the phone that she thinks one day she's going to just fall asleep and not wake up, and sometimes she hopes that she does, because she knows what she's waking up to.

I've moved house and moved town to escape the upset, of her walking into my home, screaming at my children and at me, accusing DH of false imprisonment, and of murder, sending Police to my home because she believes we are all political prisoners, so we left and moved into another County. I tried and tried to get her help, but she refuses medication. Says it makes her tired and fat. This has been said after every single medication switch, from tablets to a depot injection.
But now, the MHS have deemed fit to discharge her, and said its against her human rights to be medicated against her will.

Now, we are having to look at moving house again, because she found people online to find out our address and landline phone number for her (even though we're ex directory, and not on the main electoral register), and now uses that information to hound us.

I have told her, over and over and over, and over again, to leave me alone. I've honestly begged in tears for her to stop. I can't listen to the outlandish and to be honest, disgusting delusions and hallucinations anymore.
I've had enough. I've heard them for 20 years, but distanced myself from her 10 years ago because she refused help every time, was Sectioned three times in different districts but appealed each one, and was released, and then the very same day started to upset and disturb my children.

She absolutely refuses to see that she is ill. She says her medical records and psychiatric reports have been falsified, the doctors used her for experiments into genital mutilation and implanting pregnancies in her which they then removed (this is all in the UK by the way, no cultural or religious reason for her to think she's been victim of FGM).

She attacked in the street late last year, gouges in my arms and bruises on my neck and back, but when I phoned the police they said they couldn't arrest her as she is mentally ill, and they would have to refer it on to her local mental health services.

I have contacted the local MHS in her area, the Crisis Team, and the Police there even, because she has threatened to travel and get into my home here "to make sure I know straight from her face".
She has harrassed DD1 who is a child, messaging about how the Royal Family personally sanctioned her rape and her mutilation, and that her DDad (my DH) keeps me locked up which is why I don't talk to her any more.

I can't take this anymore. I've kept all texts and phone records, and there are literally dozens and dozens of messages from both me, DH and her own Parents, to leave us alone. I'm done trying to help when she won't help herself.

Today, the Police have come AGAIN to check on my welfare, despite me explaining to them the last fucking time, that she is mentally ill with a formal diagnosis.
I'm taking mood stabilisers, beta blockers and Diazepam from my GP at the moment because I can't breathe properly, can't sleep, and just go between sadness and rage that nobody will do anything to help.

The MHS tell me to contact the Crisis Team, if it's that urgent.
The Crisis Team told me to contact the police if I feel threatened or if she is a danger to herself,or anyone else.
And the POLICE just told me their hands are tied, because there's different provisions for handling the mentally ill, than general public.

I live a quiet and happy life normally, just me, DCs and DH, but this is making things hell. I can't sleep, DH is really upset he's publicly being labelled a wife beater and keeping me under house arrest, and our DCs are feeling the knock on effect because I jump when the door knocks, the phone rings, and dread knowing what's next, and nobody will help.

Can someone please tell me what the hell I can do, because I can't see a way forward and out of this.
Get a mental health diagnosis, and you can so what you want.

How do I get her treatment, or someone to at least do something, before I crack up? What the hell do I do?

ABitSensible

I don't know.
Once, just for once in 20 years, AIBU to be tired of being helpful and loving and understanding, giving care and empathy and constant support, having sleepless nights, traveling to hospitals and real input into community treatment programs...and for this, being woken night after bight with disgusting messages, Police visits, social services, and everything I've listed above.

Am I really BU, to think I've done all I can?

*night

I'm sure, ABitSensible, you would agree that empathy and understanding are enormously beneficial to people suffering from mental illness. Can you not see that that also applies to the families of those people? The OP needs that now.

Gabilan that sounds like it may he the next step I'll have to take. Nothing else has helped so far, so I will look it up. Thanks.

I'm not challenging any of that.
I'm challenging the title and first line.

ABitSensible, have you actually read the OPs posts? And this is your take-away?

If so, your lecturing anyone else on empathy is ironic in the extreme. The OP is talking about a mother who has emotionally abused the OP's child and stalked, assaulted, harassed and threatened the OP. At which point in your opinion does her own suffering start to have any importance?

Of course mentally ill people suffer horribly and of course the lack of provision should be a national scandal. But to deny the suffering of this poster in the face of serious domestic violence on a massive scale at the hands of her own previously loving, gentle and beloved mother is appalling of you. You owe her an apology.

For which the op has already apologised abitsensible. What do you propose she does? It isn't as if she can remove or edit her own posts. Mnhq are notoriously slow on weekends.

ABit sometimes when I feel really ill, the thing that gives me the energy to fight is knowing that my illness also hurts others.

Could you read Violet's posts, put aside your upset, and see the illness from the other side?

I'm challenging the title and first line.

And you have clearly not read beyond it, where the OP has OVER AND OVER agreed and said she would like to change it.

Again: how dare you post with such brutal insensitivity on such a pain-filled series of posts, when you don't even have the compassion to read them. For shame.

WHICH THE OP POSTED IN A MOMENT OF DISTRESS AND HAS TRIED TO GET CHANGED. HONESTLY.

That was to ABitSensible who is being far from sensible.

There are no winners in these situations and the op has feelings too, which I well understand.

OP I feel for you. I think delusional people are particularly difficult to deal with because their behaviour makes no sense & is often so damaging. I've had someone delusional threaten to report me to the police (no idea why - never found out). All I'd done was suggest she talk to her doctor about the way she was feeling. Of course because they're delusional they don't fully understand they're ill.

Luckily this person is not a family member so I can walk away. I feel sorry for her, life is passing by but I cannot help her. She turns on eveyone who has tried, however gently.

Your situation sounds a nightmare because you are so tied to her. All you can do is try & protect yourself. Could the mind helpline or CAB advise. Can you afford a session with a lawyer? A restraining order sounds sensible but I have no idea how they work.

Good luck & much sympathy.

Fuck me!!!! Are people reading this thread at all?

She has apologised over and over and asked to amend the title.

No yanbu OP - no one is a saint. And do you know what? Sometimes it's actually ok to say you've had enough and that you can't cope.

I really wish people would please stop derailing this thread and making it about them.
This is about the OP and her very unwell parent. Cut her some slack.

I have every sympathy for those struggling. This is not personally directed at them.

OP I am so sorry for your suffering and for how shit the people who are supposed to be helping have been. There can be no question that on occasion mental illness can affect the people who love the sufferer more than the person with the condition, especially if the person with the mental illness is genuinely oblivious to their condition and generally in their own world view just getting on with their lives. Abit I will give you the example of a friend who was, as the OP has been, stalked by a previous partner who absolutely terrified her and he continued on happily day to day until eventually it all came to a head.

OP I have no practical advice but I did read upthread some excellent advice from a MH professional. I have learned from a very recent completely different experience of getting an ASD diagnosis for my son that you can build up a picture using documentary evidence and video footage to back up what you are seeing on an ongoing basis. I really really hope your voice and needs get heard soon.

Much sympathy for you OP. My ex suffers from MH issues and although I feel very sorry for him, I feel more sympathy for our daughter who has to suffer from his erratic behaviour but has no choice in it whereas he has the choice to listen to his doctors (and thankfully he seems to have done so after the last time he was committed).

I didn't realise it was your mum. How difficult for you, grieving the loss of the mother you had, accepting this very ill person in her place and seemingly not getting any support from services.

I do think families suffer in a very different, albeit very real way. I worked (as a social worker) in a psychosis team for a while and found that the people who were ill with delusional and psychotic disorders tended to have families who suffered extremely high amounts. I think you need, and certainly deserve, help in your own right.

Please do ignore the ragey people who haven't looked beyond the title and just couldn't wait to jump in and tell you how wrong you are. You sound at the end of your tether. Incidentally, comparing a person with depression and a psychotic person with no insight into their illness is comparing apples with oranges.

I don't understand why mental health services aren't more involved including looking at medication.
It sounds like you have had a totally horrendous experience and time.
But don't ever ever think she is doing this because "she can". If someone had a missing leg we wouldn't expect them to walk. When someone is mentally ill in the way you describe we can't expect them to behave rationally. My DC got MH issues. I know now we will need to be looking after him forever. He will never cope. But I would hope to do that with contained help from mental health services and experts.

Agree with Zaryiah depression & delusional/psychotic behaviour is world's apart. And there's often no easy answer to psychotic behaviour. Anti-psychotics are unpleasant drugs with a lot of side effects & do not necessarily work. Because of the side effects it can be difficult to persuade people to stay on them - especially if they don't believe they're ill.

It's incredibly difficult for families.

I have had a few arguments with dh over his father. I try to convince him that Fil isn't doing it deliberately. Dh has had to put with his selfish narcissistic behaviour all his life though and finds it really hard to separate the illness from the personality.

My Mum also had psychosis and paranoia. My family was ripped apart by the affects of her mental illness to the point where no one could cope with contact with her. I never blamed my Mum and always knew that she was as much a victim as her family were, but the devastation that her words and actions caused brought us to our emotional knees. I was relieved when she died, both for her and for myself. We also never managed to get help. It was an awful, desperate situation for everyone and my heart goes out to you OP. I haven't got any answers or advice, but I wanted to add my voice to those offering support and some understanding of how difficult it is to deal with a loved one with paranoid delusions. You are not being unreasonable, and I say this as someone who has mental health issues myself. I hope you find a way to protect yourself and your children from this.

Violet I really feel for you. Please don't apologize any more for your post title, you have enough stress in your life. If people don't like it they shouldn't have opened it. I also know what it's like to live with someone with mh issues (not as extreme as your situation) but still hard to live with. I hope you and your family manage to get through this ok.

I was going to write an angry response to your title. I have bipolar disorder it's sometimes really hard on me but hugely on my family and friends. When I'm In psychosis it's frightening for everyone.

Having read the thread I feel very sad for you all nd angry at the truely shit mental health service.

When I've been sectioned the treatments I've received are beyond useless. The meds are horrendous, the other things that can are a huge difference to good mental health no matter how severe your illness are not properly worked on: life style changes, food, exercise, counselling, sleep Managment, medication, alcohol and drug use, mindfulness, meditation, relationship counselling etc

Your relative AND your family have been failed terribly. Have you tried getting your MP involved and hopefully stop the the services passing the buck?

Christ, what a bloody nightmare. All I have is empathy for you and no real advice. My dad is an alcoholic / drug addict and his illness has impacted our whole family to the point of making me feel seriously ill. I've loved him, pitied him, hated him and wanted to completely cut him off - separating the person from the illness is very hard. I can't imagine what you've been going through and the anxiety her actions must cause. I really just wish you the very best.

It's really fucking unfair MNHQ are taking so long to change the thread title

I'm getting really upset that there seems to be an immediate response if it is obvious within a post that it breaks their guidelines or is intentionally offensive

But anything requiring a closer look and some context and it seems like nobody's joining the dots or looking further. The screening process isn't working

It's another case of MN not having someone on at the weekend. Seriously they earn so much ££ of this site they need to pay people to man it at the w/e. It can be done from home ffs