...to feel a little miffed that DH is out for the day with a female friend

[skinofthericepudding]

My DH told me a few days ago that he'd be out cycling today. and would need the car. I asked a couple of days ago what time he would be back, and he said late afternoon. I happened to ask who he was cycling with (he belongs to a couple of cycling groups) and he said that it was a female friend. He has met her few times for lunch etc and they have been to a local town for the day together for lunch and sight seeing. They used to work together and I have to admit that they probably have more shared interests than we do! I have never met her, but can't help feeling a little put out that he's spending Sunday with her. AIBU?

AnotherOW - if you think that, you clearly haven't met the reams of deeply unattractive men who appear to have had multiple relationships with equally unattractive women... You don't have to be good looking to be a twat.

RiverTam,

I am not going to argue about the definition of successful / well-off / charismatic.
Yes, I am sure that there are some kind, loving, successful (in their field) shop assistants or care workers or whatever.

The fact is, the richer / more influential the man is, the more likely he is to have a chance to, and to pursue, the affair.

And, in my personal view, that doesn't make them "twats".
The men I know in the City are (usually) clever, charismatic and generally very likeable. I will marry one of them one day!
I am certainly not going to compromise on having a well-off, intelligent, good-looking and interesting husband.
I'd rather have a husband OW want, thank you very much.

But no way he would be allowed to spend Sundays doing countryside walks with OW!

Well, I have politely disagreed with some folk on this thread but I do take exception to the current direction it is going in.

My DH is fit as fuck, earns a good wedge and is not an illicit shagger. The same applies to me. It's because we have morals.

Your future marriage sounds miserable, OW. Do be sure not to... get older/lose your figure/get ill/forget to kiss your uber successful husband's arse/wear a pretty ribbon ribbon in your hair/let him within 6 feet of an attractive female/ever have any peace of mind for the duration....won't you ?

Good luck with that.

Seriously rich and well off means easier to have an affair? Because all us little women can't resist a rich man?

My dh is drop dead gorgeous very financially comfortable and utterly devoted to me I wouldn't have to worry about bike rides or lazy lunches with other women because the moment the bike was broken he'd have rather come home. I am happy to be married to a man who'd rather be with me than anyone else, . His last wife however he cheated on constantly due to a mix of no sex, ea and threats he would never see his kids again if he left. If you think he might drift OP look at your marriage and fix any problems she is irrelevant.

AnyFucker,

Morals are not anything to do with this, it's all situational. That's my belief but you have yours.
I rest my case.

Goes off to read numerous OW and exH posts on here.

Yep, only happens to those without morals. Apparently.
All men have morals until home life becomes too much, wife stops shaving her armpits, and he finally has enough spare money to take OW out to nice hotels / restaurants.Then the morals promptly go out of window.

Because such men are prized, and OW would pursue with vigor and determination

You appear to be tarring all females with the "OW" brush. Most women have morals and don't go round shagging unavailable men.

Lighteningirll,

No, because having an affair is expensive.
So it's easier to do for rich men as they don't have to count pennies and their gallivanting wouldn't tranlsate into mortgage arrears (whereas in case of less-well-off it very well might).

Honestly, noone wants to know the truth as the truth is not pretty. Fine by me.

SoupDragon,

It only requires one OW for a wife to end up on the Divorce/OW/exH thread on this site.
Majority of women wouldn't pursue, I agree, but some will.
For every prized man, there would be OW in waiting.

Another I'm finding your posts fascinating. You say you will marry one of the big city boys one day. Will you be intending on a mistress to wife scenario? Or will you be turning a blind eye to the philandering husband and the numerous women who will be pursuing him vigorously?

Ok so girls we just need to go for poor men then we will be safe have a and don't watch Jeremy Kyle it will shake the foundations of your world

Well, that and keep shaving those armpits, Lightening...

I think to make any real progression with this discussion, we need the OP to provide:

A map with her husband's planned movements on that day.

An overlay map of his actual movements

Detailed descriptions of both their attire

The pub menu and what they ordered

sonjadog we do!

"All men have morals until ... wife stops shaving her armpits"

Have you considered that your workplace is a cesspit far from usual AnotherOW?

"Goes off to read numerous OW and exH posts on here."
Of course there's numerous threads. People post here for help and advice, they don't need either when all is well. Self-selecting sample.

I will marry one of them one day! She said, starry eyed.

Love's young dream, truly.

TheJiminy,

I don't know what the future may bring / can't speculate.
Are you asking me if I'd personally pursue a married man? Possibly. Depends on the situation.
That's what I have been trying to say all along.
These things depend so much on opportunities and situations.
Not many people wake up in the morning and intend to have an affair that day (men usually would much prefer a one night thing anyway, but they do get entangled) but one situation leads to another... a cycle ride turns into a day of sightseeing, shared hobby translates into lunches and country walks...

That doesn't make anyone a bad person. It's just life; and biology.
I don't understand why so many here deny or are unwilling to understand the way human sexuality manifests itself.

I'll be going into the marriage with my eyes wide open. I understand the nature of human sexual desire. That doesn't make men "bad" / "twats" or whatever else.

So, I'll be doing whatever Lighteningirll is doing to keep her (unfaithful in his previous marriage, as per her post) husband happy and content.
The focus here is on making partners happy and content, not on blindly trusting that "DH loves me with unshaven pits because he has morals".
On the top of this, I would make sure that I am proactive in preventing the opportunities becoming the affairs. Common sense really.
I wouldn't be happy in OP's situation, and would take proactive steps to resolve the it. Leaving unchecked, this is an affair waiting to happen.

Hahaha just asked dh if saving my armpits keeps us happily married he said I don't care you could be covered in shit and I would still fancy you.

I don't understand why so many here deny or are unwilling to understand the way human sexuality manifests itself.

Where did you get your anthropology degree, OW? The university of American Samoa?

Now that I agree with OW

WhereYouLeftIt,

Source Office of National Statistics
Latest statistics (published December 2012) estimate that 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce. It is also estimated that: 34% of marriages are expected to end in divorce by the 20th wedding anniversary.

My first marriage ended in divorce. Adultery had nothing to do with it. Your statistics are meaningless are you sure you work in the city?.

All the men you know (and you yourself) are clearly, for all their charm and success, as shallow as puddles, and about as attractive. Maybe you're all having affairs with each other because no-one else would touch any of you with bargepole.

Really, there is no need to be unpleasant RoboticSealpup.
I am sure your degree is far superior.

Honestly, I don't understand why what I say is considered to be so controversial, and almost seen as an attack on others??

Is it my fault that men (and women by the way) cheat? Is it my fault that men are tempted?

RiverTam, you have no right to call me shallow, simply because I decided to tell my side of the story, and to share what I know / what I've seen and heard from those who aren't being faithful.
Why are you being so defensive and feel offended by my view? We may agree to disagree, perhaps?

Good luck to the OP and I hope she manages to resolve this to her satisfaction.