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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going on a stag do when I'm 36 weeks...

85 replies

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 09:05

My OH has been invited on a stag do in Benidorm. It will probably be Fri-Sun. At the time I will be 36 weeks pregnant. I am extremely scared about the birth already (a whole other thread) and now have extra worries that I will be alone for it. I have no one else that could be there with me, so no plan B. I don't have any reason to think the baby will come at 36 weeks and would feel terrible if he missed it and the weekend passed without arrival. But the thought of being alone is really worrying me. AIBU to not want him to go at this stage of pregnancy? Thanks in advance xx

OP posts:

Squeegle · 20/03/2016 09:08

Personally I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. At this time you need support, whether you go into labour or not. Gallivanting off in Spain seems totally self indulgent to me. What does he think?

ArgyMargy · 20/03/2016 09:08

Ha! I thought you were going too!! I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

PathOfLeastResitance · 20/03/2016 09:10

Not unreasonable at all. I wouldn't have wanted my DH going away at that point for any reason let alone a stag do. Don't worry about him missing out on the stag - it would be worse if he missed the birth of his child or left you hormonal and panicking on your own.

mrsjskelton · 20/03/2016 09:10

You'll be fine, it is pushing it a bit but it could have been 38 weeks!

FellOutOfBedTwice · 20/03/2016 09:12

My DH went on a work thing to Cardiff for one night when I was 36 weeks (we are in London) and he was very worried I would go into labour. He was literally in a hotel conference centre (and staying in the hotel) next to Cardiff train station and we live next to a tube station in London so bad the worst come to the worst he could have been door to door back at home in (he worked out) 2hrs 43mins. I would have been very unhappy at that stage with him being anywhere less accessible.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 20/03/2016 09:12

Hmmm, I can understand your worry but I think I'd be fine with him going. 1st labours are typically late, and typically long. Chances are very high you won't go into labour. And if you do there us a good chance he could make it back in time. It's a risk but a very very tiny one.

curren · 20/03/2016 09:13

Personally 3 days at 36 weeks wouldn't have bothered me. The chances that the baby would come early on one of this days is very low.

dinodiva · 20/03/2016 09:14

Do you have family/friends who could come and visit whilst he's away? My DH went away for a wedding abroad at around the same point in my pregnancy and I had a lovely, relaxing weekend with my mum whilst he was off enjoying himself. I'd allow him a last hoorah before the baby arrives.

Original poster

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 09:16

It's my 3rd child. I have 2 of 9 & 12 and would have to sort them out also if anything happened. I had a traumatic labour and felt out of control with DD1 so feel I need the support. X

OP posts:

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/03/2016 09:16

This wouldn't bother me. I encouraged DH to go to Brazil for 10 days for the World Cup when I was 35 weeks. He got back when I was 36 weeks. It was a dream of his to go and he had tickets. I'd never have stood in his way.

MajesticWhine · 20/03/2016 09:16

The way you feel is not unreasonable. Feelings are allowed to be. But to expect him not to go would be a bit unreasonable in my view.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 20/03/2016 09:17

It wouldn't bother me, I'm fiercely independant & can't be done with being fussed over.

But I'm not you.

If your pregnancy is progressing nicely, as you seem to imply it is, I think 36 weeks is an ok time for him to go away for a couple of days.

It's up to you to decide how you feel about him not being there to support you, but it's up to him to decide if he wants to take the small risk of not being there when you give birth.

You need to talk to a professional about your anxiety re the birth. My anxious SIL found hypnobirthing very good.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/03/2016 09:17

How early were you're other two?

NewNameNotTheSame · 20/03/2016 09:19

I personally think you'll be fine, but I can completely understand you being worried and at that stage of pregnancy, I would have been too.

But from a not pregnant outsiders view, your lives are about to change, one last hoo-ha for him and some relaxing alone time for you sounds good to me. But I'll probably be a minority.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 20/03/2016 09:19

At 36 weeks it wouldn't bother me, many men have to travel for work right upto the due date.

engineersthumb · 20/03/2016 09:24

I was invited to a stag do in Brighton when my wife was a full five weeks short of due date. After talking it overWe agreed I would go but only gofor the Friday afternoon and evenibg returning on the Saturday morning. I got to Brihton and had lunch (with coffee only) to get a phone call saying that she may need an injection and that they may keep her over night. I said I would come back but my wife said not to worry. I popped back to my BandB to say that I may have to leave only to get a txt saying the baby is on its way get here now! I excite the hotel, ran the length of Brighton prom to the NCP and tore of up the motorway. An hour or so after I arrived at the hospital my son was delivered! This time around I'm staying local:)

Original poster

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 09:24

Both on time. I have no reason to think this time will be early. I have no rational reason for my overwhelming fear of labour either as DD2 was fine. Maybe it's because of the age gap. I'm scared of lots more as I get older!! Hypnobirthing could be a good path as I am so anxious and scared. I known would never forgive him of I had to do it alone.

OP posts:

GreenGlassLove · 20/03/2016 09:32

I'd say let him go, but ask him to try and keep the drinking to a low level. If you've been on time thus far your chances of going into labour are slim but knowing he's capable of understanding a text and responding to it might allay some of your anxiety.

WeDoNotTalktoPennilynLott · 20/03/2016 09:33

I wouldn't feel happy about him going tbh. In my experience it matters not about first babies coming late or whether previous ones were early etc... my 1st came at 37 wks and 2nd at 42+

waxweasel · 20/03/2016 09:38

YANBU. My DH wouldn't even have considered going (I'm 37 weeks atm with DC2, and DD1 didn't arrive until 40 weeks). Maybe a stag do in this country would be fine as worst case scenario he could jump on a train/in a taxi/hire a car and dash back. But absolutely no way would I be happy about DH being a flight away with no easy way of getting back. In fact, I believe he was meant to go abroad for an overnight stay around now for work and told them he couldn't.

DesertOrDessert · 20/03/2016 09:40

I understand you not being keen on him going, but equally, the chance for him to go is unlikely to come up again for a while.
On balance I think I'd let him go, but I forbade DH to go to the US with work at 38 weeks, so perhaps I shouldn't comment!

Finola1step · 20/03/2016 09:41

I wouldn't be too bothered about my dh going away but it is the fact that he couldn't get back quickly if things kick off. So a stag do in the UK with accessible transport, fine. A stag do a plane ride away at 36 weeks...not the best idea.

But it does also depend on the relationship between your dh and the stag. If it is some bloke from work etc, then no go. If it is his brother, best mate of 25 years, the fella who saved his life 10 years ago...

Newmumma85 · 20/03/2016 09:43

My husband went on a week long lad's holiday when I was 34 weeks (I never considered it would be an issue with almost 6 weeks to go). Baby was born at 35 weeks (emergency section) and he missed the birth.

You just never know what will happen. If he had to be away for work that would obviously be different.

Original poster

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 09:45

I've never met or even heard of the stag since we have been together. And clearly the stag doesn't know of me as the invite for the evening reception came in the name of OH plus guest.

OP posts:

mmgirish · 20/03/2016 09:46

No, I wouldn't have liked that either when I was pregnant. I had both of mine at 37 weeks. If it was local then fine, but Spain? Too far.

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