Going on a stag do when I'm 36 weeks...

[fizzingmum]

My OH has been invited on a stag do in Benidorm. It will probably be Fri-Sun. At the time I will be 36 weeks pregnant. I am extremely scared about the birth already (a whole other thread) and now have extra worries that I will be alone for it. I have no one else that could be there with me, so no plan B. I don't have any reason to think the baby will come at 36 weeks and would feel terrible if he missed it and the weekend passed without arrival. But the thought of being alone is really worrying me. AIBU to not want him to go at this stage of pregnancy? Thanks in advance xx

Have you already told him that you don't want him to go?

He could get splayed back from Benidorm pretty quickly. It's not Vegas.

You and your baby should come first. I'm pretty sure my DH wouldn't give this choice a moments thought. How bizarre that so many people would think this is ok, I don't get it at all.

36 weeks seems OK, if it was 38 weeks I would be worried

We've been talking it over and agreed to gather a viewpoint from mumsnet. I genuinely don't know if IABU and it's about my fears or if he is being selfish for even considering it. I only Know I would never get past it if he missed the birth and left me alone with no plan B.

Yanbu to feel anxious about it but I would let him go. I'm sure he could get a flight back at the first sign of labour if necessary and make it in time. Maybe an emergency contingency plan might help? Look at flight options, work out how long it would take for him to get home.
My DD came unexpectedly at 35+5 but from the waters breaking to birth was 17 hours. If you've had 2 already and they weren't early I really wouldn't worry too much.

My DH went to a wedding abroad when I was 37 weeks. I was happy enough with that but it was his brother's wedding and my first baby (so probably enough turn to get back). We'd worked out he could be back in 12 hours max any given point.

I'd be a bit unimpressed at DH going to a stag of someone who wasn't a close friend.

Not for me - if local/uk yes -even then 3 days seems too long- Benidorm no too far...especially as its not a really close friend

My DH was still in Afghanistan until I was 38 weeks with DC1.

He has flown for 10-12 hrs (pilot) when I was overdue with both DC1&2.

I was fine with it.

BUT I am pretty resilient if it is going to make you very anxious then YANBU.

You are a month away from giving birth. Unlikely he'll miss it! He should go.

We've been talking it over and agreed to gather a viewpoint from mumsnet.

Why?

Is he going to make his decision based on what we say? Isn't it enough that you tell him how you feel and he decides based on that?

It sounds like you need 'back up' which is not a good sign in your relationship. Why doesn't he start his own thread if he really wants to know what we think?

This looks like a virtual pat on the head, 'yes dear' moment to me

I think he should go. I understand that you feel anxious about his absence but I don't think it's sufficient reason to put the kybosh on the trip. Sorry. x

Because it's abroad, I would be a no. I had 1st baby at 36 weeks (totally unexpected) and 2nd at 40 weeks.
If you had other support, that would put a different slant on things but coupled with your anxiety and that the stag isn't someone who is an important part of your lives then is it worth taking the rusk?
I'm normally of the mind of giving people one last chance to have a good time before the baby arrives but at this late stage going abroad would be pushing it.

I'm 33 weeks and I've told my DH I don't want him going away again unless I've got someone with me. He was away this week and it was hard looking after ds on my own and I felt a bit panicky at night. 36 wks and so far away and for a stag do - no chance.

I was about to post that this is fine. My DH went to Malaga when I was 36weeks. But... It was his best friend and he was not able to make the wedding as that was also abroad and when I was 39weeks! So I was happy for him to go. But having seen your post about not knowing the stag I'd be much less happy. Its also an expensive thing to do a few weeks before a baby!!

Is there a compromise where he could fly out with them on the Friday and come home Saturday instead? Then he'd only be away 24 hours and the chances of him missing anything vital would be pretty slim.

My partner travelled lots for work during my 3rd trimester so I understand your worry. It's kind of different on a stag do though because of all the booze which often makes them drop off the radar for the duration.

Unless there is a specific medical problem with your pregnancy then there is every chance 36 weeks will be business as usual. Maybe you could book into a local spa hotel yourself for a night to have a little retreat? I'm fantasising about doing that myself to just float about in a pool, read my hypnobirthing book, have a nice massage and have a quiet moment for myself before the baby's arrival

After comming so close to missing my own sons birth I wouldn't risk it. Get together with the same group to wet the babies head if they are close friends.... a good while after the birth though:)

My dd came at 36 weeks. No reason why.

I am quite a resilient independent person, my dp went away with work for 10 days 5 days after we got our dts home from hospital, I was on my own with no help and survived. I have coped with a number of stressful things on my own.
However I do hope that if I said to my dp, actually, I would quite like you around. just in case I go in to labour early, and I am so anxious about it anyway. I would hope that he would listen and take that on board, for me - not just because Mumsnet said so.
I have a history of premature birth anyway, so may cloud my judgement a bit.

My DH would not have chosen to go in that situation.

Thanks everyone. It's not that we needed MN to decide for us, I genuinely wanted to know what others thought as we are both so 50/50. My non hormonal anxious self would make the decision a lot easier. It's a good place to get others views and experiences xx

I hope you get things sorted op, I wouldn't really want my dp to go either.

I think DH should not go, mainly due to the fact you have 2 DC already and if you do go into labour (or just have problems that weekend) he will be needed to assist with the other two. If it were your first I probably would lean more on the side of its OK to go

Sorry, posted too soon I wanted to add also that in the circs my DH would not have thought of going. A brother/best friend's stag maybe but this sounds more like a casual friend

dd2 was born at 36 +6

I knew she was going to be early so it would have been a no from me.

technically yiu still could have another 6 weeks left nut equally baby could he any time. amd no way with either of mine would dp have been able to get back from.spain in time.

I think it's unfair to stop him.going due to you feeling anxious. but on the grounds of going into labour at any time it is not unreasonable to hope he stays.

also a three day stag do? like fuck will he be in a decent state upon arrival home. so it's not just three days yiu are without him.but at least 5.

maybe 6.

so I'd say no