Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

Going on a stag do when I'm 36 weeks...

85 replies

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 09:05

My OH has been invited on a stag do in Benidorm. It will probably be Fri-Sun. At the time I will be 36 weeks pregnant. I am extremely scared about the birth already (a whole other thread) and now have extra worries that I will be alone for it. I have no one else that could be there with me, so no plan B. I don't have any reason to think the baby will come at 36 weeks and would feel terrible if he missed it and the weekend passed without arrival. But the thought of being alone is really worrying me. AIBU to not want him to go at this stage of pregnancy? Thanks in advance xx

OP posts:

Report

BettyBi0 · 20/03/2016 11:13

How many weeks will you be for the wedding? Is it something you are likely to miss due to being 40 weeks or having a very new baby?

fizzingmum · 20/03/2016 11:27

I'll be 38 weeks for the wedding. It's 2 hours away. I have said I will go if I feel up to it but he can go alone if I don't. Not like they will miss me, they don't even know my name. . I'm okay with that as it's easy enough to get home. Spain not so easy or quick.

OP posts:

Dovinia · 20/03/2016 11:36

An expensive holiday abroad with someone who isn't even a good friend when your wife is 8 months pregnant? Sounds incredibly selfish to me.

AntiHop · 20/03/2016 11:40

I wouldn't want my dp to go and he wouldn't want to either. We've were invited to a wedding around the same time in my pregnancy. It was in another part of the country and I decided it was not worth the hassle for me to go. He went but left early so he could get home the same day.

When I was about 24 weeks I had a scare and had to rush to hospital in the middle of the night. He was a abroad for work and it was so stressful not having him with me.

DisappointedOne · 20/03/2016 12:06

DH worked away during the week 4ish hours from home. He did the Great North Run (around 6 hours from home) and camped in a field with no mobile signal the weekend (5 days) before DD's due date. (We had a feeling she'd be late, and she was!)

I enjoyed that weekend alone to be honest!

Bishybishybarnabee · 20/03/2016 12:10

I would be worried, but DS came along at 36 weeks so I'm probably biased. Would depend a bit on things like how easily he could come back, how close you are to the airport, but I would be nervous.

TooAswellAlso · 20/03/2016 12:11

It's the abroad thing for me. With the alcohol.

In the UK, he's a drive or train away. In Spain it's a flight, there's delays, it's a different ball game.

Up to about 34 weeks id be ok with it. 36 weeks no. The wedding at 38 weeks two hours away, fine. Stag do a two hours flight away at 36 weeks, no.

Nanny0gg · 20/03/2016 12:14

A bridegroom you've never heard of? Not a close friend? Are the two of you even invited to the wedding?

And you have two older children?

I don't understand why he's even asking.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/03/2016 12:17

the last month can be pretty hard going anyway.

sone are still bounding around working and walking miles witg the dogs etc

others are anemic amd on bed rest amd too exhausted to even cook dinner.

not to mention things like blood pressure etc can change overnight and hospital admissions aren't unusual.

I wouldn't fancy being alone and having to sort childcare wheb the hospital want me in overnight fir observations etc.

it is very selfish tbh.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 20/03/2016 12:24

He shouldn't be going in my opinion

GabiSolis · 20/03/2016 12:31

I think YABU but I do understand where you're coming from. I think you should let him go but under the proviso that if you're showing any signs that anything might happen that he doesn't go when it comes to the weekend.

It's handy that you have DCs old enough to help you out a bit. I would plan to spend the weekend on the sofa with them bringing me cups of tea!

Tilliebean · 20/03/2016 12:58

Definitely not ok in my book. Especially if it isn't someone that close. I could see if it was family or a close friend, maybe I'd consider it. The reality is DP wouldn't have wanted to go anyways. You only get one chance to see your child born, you can go out for a piss up another time. The fact that you are anxious (regardless of whether you consider it justified) makes it even more important he is there to support you.

Alexa444 · 20/03/2016 13:21

I came in here expecting to tell you, you were being massively U but you're really not. If it wasn't abroad it wouldn't be an issue imo but it isn't like he can easily get back. How important is it to him to be at the birth? Because if he really was worried about missing it, he would have already said no.

BillBrysonsBeard · 20/03/2016 13:42

YANBU. My DP was asked to accompany his dad abroad to have an op and stay there for a week when I was 36 weeks. We were both shocked he'd been asked! It turns out I had another month to go but he would have hated to not be there and I needed him. It didn't occur to my ILs that it'd be an issue because women in their day tended to deliver alone or with a female family member/friend. Husbands and partners are much more involved now.
Even though I didn't deliver then, I was huge and uncomfortable at that point and needed help to get off the bed etc.

Piratepete1 · 20/03/2016 13:58

No way would my DH even consider going, in fact, he wouldn't even bother mentioning it to me, he'd just say no and that's without me telling him I felt uneasy about it. Your DH is being a selfish arse.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/03/2016 14:02

Yanbu.
My first child was born at 36 weeks, after 3 hours labour. No warning at all. I didn't even realise it was labour to start with because I just wasn't expecting it. It does happen, and if you really have no one else at all who could be with you, then its not fair of him to go abroad so late in your pregamcy.

Aceray · 20/03/2016 14:19

YADNBU. My husband and I agreed he would have his last 'proper' night out when I was 36+2. Contractions started that night. Labour was under 3 hours and he only just made it to the hospital in time.

LogicalThinking · 20/03/2016 14:49

There is absolutely not a hope in hell that I would have been ok about that and there is no way my DH would have been happy to be that far away from me.
Mine arrived early too - before 36 weeks!

2ManySweets · 20/03/2016 14:53

tooaswellalso nails it. The first page of this thread has a lot of folk going "it'll be ok" and "you are being a bit U".

No, no you're fucking not. Child #1 or #10 I'd flip my stack if my DH went abroad on holiday leaving me on my tod at home heavily pregnant.

Fuck that. YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2016 15:09

You don't even know the stag. So it's just a jolly away when you are heavily pregnant with two other children to look after, anxious and upset. I'd be pissed off he wanted to go. And we often go away without each other. I just don't understand why he would want to at this stage.

Newquay · 20/03/2016 15:27

Hi. It really doesn't matter what we all think: what matters is how you feel. If the idea of being alone at 36 weeks worries you then of course tell him - and as a supportive partner he should not go on the stag. The point isn't whether baby arrives early / it's the stress of being alone that you both need to avoid for you. Speak to your midwife and I'm sure she will support you: then you just say 'midwife says you should not go on stag'. You should have your bag packed by 36 weeks so personally I think it's totally sensible to make sure he stays home. But like I said - it doesn't matter what we think. If you're not comfortable then he shouldn't go away.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/03/2016 15:48

It wouldn't bother me (I have a history of not getting beyond 36 weeks) BUT that is because it would not bother me in the slightest if he was not around for the delivery.

You have said it would bother you, that means it's a valid issue.

How would he feel about missing it?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Damselindestress · 20/03/2016 18:27

I think this is a situation where actually it doesn't really matter if YABU. Yes, given that your previous labours weren't premature and there is no reason to believe this one will be, your fears might be a bit irrational. But irrational fears still feel real when you are going through them. You are heavily pregnant and scared. Your DP should put being there for you before celebrating with an acquaintance so distant he doesn't even know you exist!

Writerwannabe83 · 20/03/2016 18:46

It's a hard one...

It's only Fri-Sun, so it isn't like he's leaving you got a week and seeing as it's the weekend it means relatives and friends will be available to pop over and keep you company of help out if you feel a bit rough. Your other children are older so it's not like you'll be running around after pre-schoolers and they are of an age where they can help out around the house so you can take it easy.

If it was me I would let my DH go.

However, no matter how small the risk is he has to accept that there's a chance he may miss the birth if you go into premature labour. Even if you did work out when he could get flights back etc then don't forget that airlines do not let drunk people fly and I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of alcohol involved on the stag-do. I guess your DH would have to agree that he would remain sober during the trip so there's no way he could be refused on to the plane if you were to call in the early hours of the morning to say you were in labour, but that doesn't sound like a fun weekend for him.

My friend went into premature labour at 36 weeks and baby arrived within 4 hours.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/03/2016 18:53

tricky, if in uk i would say go def but stay semi sober so can get back if need be

abroad slightly diff

but if he does go then get a friend over, and ask if your two can go for a sleep over at friends/nannies so you dont need to worry about them

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.