To think my children would be better raised by me

[kidscomefirstendof]

AIBU to think my children will be better off being raised by me, without a load of boyfriends, stepdads, and so on?

I feel it will be more stable for them to have one adult than someone who they don't even know living in their space?

Oh, ok, stop the discussion, all single parents Arpege knows are considerate with how they introduce new partners so clearly this applies to everybody

It is not generalising to say 'some parents are selfish and put their needs and wants before that of their children.'

That's not what you said though is it?

OP why are you getting pissed off with me when you're saying exactly the same thing, from the other side?

Because I'm not. I'm not pissed off with you, I just think you're ridiculous.

Don't they just call

This thread could have been an interesting premise for a discussion.

It is, however, let down by a half baked and half witted OP.

Which is a shame.

I was perfectly civil Arpege and I can assure you I am far from half witted, but the discussion cannot take place because you know no parents who fit the description above so they do not exist and all is sunny and perfect.

In the meantime I'll carry on as I am.

I'm off to bed.

Nighty night.

I'm very glad to have my stepdad in my life. He walked both me and my sister down the aisle and has more patience with our ASD brother than anyone, apart from mum. He is a good, kind man and a born father. Thanks to him and mum getting together, we all got to see what a normal, loving, non-abusive relationship looks like, which is more than we ever got from our biological father.

We also all vetted him carefully once mum knew she liked him. Mum used to deliberately get ready for dates a little late, so we could have a good look at him. She got progressively later and later so we began with brief pleasantries, and ended with a half hour grilling from me . Had we said we disliked him, that would have been an end to it. But we like him very much indeed. I consider him my father in all but biology.

Now obviously if you don't want to meet anyone that's your call op, but to say all children dislike their step-parents is just silly.

Don't let the door hit you etc.

I don't think that spud I am pleased for you.

I think some adults can be insistent children like/get on with their step parents but when you talk to the child this isn't always the case.

I think (and it depends on circumstances obviously) there can often be an aspect of vying for the parents attention, and it can be very difficult to negotiate.

I think the sheer effort some people put into finding a partner is detrimental to the children.

Call, my honest, and truthful reaction is, it looks like relationships are your priority over your children, if hat wrong I am sorry.

It's ok to date and dump, but not OK in your book to be single? Not getting it.

If you want to stay single because you think it's best for yourself, that's your prerogative. But it's unfair to paint everyone with your brush or look down on those who have decided they don't want to spend the rest of their lives alone. I know any number of single parents who have dated and met and married lovely people who have been wonderful step-parents to their children. I've also seen friends through dating relationships that have ended without 'traumatizing' their children. It's all in how you handle it. If you aren't able to handle it, then you've make the right decision for you.

Why is deciding you don't want to be in a relationship making yourself a martyr?

I am guessing we can't understand one another; I don't understand why you have this need to date and have a succession of men. Yes, your children don't meet them, I get that, but it sounds like that's what you value most. Like I say if I've read that wrong, sorry.

"Call, my honest, and truthful reaction is, it looks like relationships are your priority over your children, if hat wrong I am sorry."

It's not either/or.

There is no need to think in terms of priority like this.

It's never a competition, of at least it shouldn't be.

It often is though given there's not infinite time, money or space.

I suppose I just think it's a bit sad they aren't enough for you call, but I accept that's my issue.