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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning sickness and DH going to the rugby.

158 replies

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:25

Every year DH and his mates go to the pub to watch the final of the six nations. He's leaving in ten mins and won't be home till midnight. And, despite me asking him to, he refused to ask the others to consider changing the venue to nearby so he could come home to do bedtime. He'll be a two hour train journey away. In his defence he has said he won't drink.

I'm 7 week pregnant and suffering from very severe sickness, on meds that aren't touching it.

We have a very active two year old.
MIL is useless so would be more hinderence than help and my parents are hosting a party.

AIBU to think that this year he shouldn't go?

OP posts:
ginplease83 · 19/03/2016 16:51

I am going to buck the trend and say YANBU. What are you going to do with toddler whilst you're being sick? Mine would have been climbing the stairs/injuring herself unless I had hold of her whilst my head was in the loo. I know this as I had to do it a few times but when I had no other choice.

I'm in the same position as you two weeks ago and spent ages wretching over the loo. There's no way DH would go on a jolly to the pub whilst I was being sick looking after my DD. Just like I wouldn't leave him looking after her if he was the same. DH watched rugby whilst playing with DD.

seastargirl · 19/03/2016 17:05

Yanbu unreasonable to feel miffed. I had horrendous morning sickness with a 9 month old to look after.

I'd recommend a bucket to be sick in so that you don't have to spend time in the bathroom with baby and you being sick, it feels a bit safer.

Glad you've someone to help with bedtime. At 2 could you use some little steps or b boxes to help her climb into the cot rather than lifting her? If she's wearing something comfy just change nappy and put her to bed on that, won't hurt her to not wear PJ's for one night.

Hopefully the trip out with your friend wore her out a bit. Hope that the morning sickness fog lifts soon.

PuppyMonkey · 19/03/2016 17:20

If bedtime is that hard and stressful then something is not right.

You've never had kids I take it. Grin

Yanbu OP. Rugby ffs.

purplepopple · 19/03/2016 17:25

Yanbu, I can't believe all these ppl would happily wave their dhs off while feeling rubbish and trying to care for a toddler. He should be putting you before mates & rugby. It doesn't matter if it's tradition and he's looking forward to it, life changes when you have children and sometimes you miss out on things when your family needs you.

Libitina · 19/03/2016 17:25

Is there a reason she can't just sleep in your bed for tonight and either leave her in her current clothes or sleep in just a nappy/knickers?

VelvetCushion · 19/03/2016 17:26

Puppy
Single mum since 4 months pregnant. Makes you tough and get on with it.

FuzzyOwl · 19/03/2016 17:27

So Velvet was your SIL's womb "literally hanging out of her" or "virtually hanging out" because they are very different situations.

I think people are missing the point that both parents should be equal to their children and partners should look out for each other. Yes in a situation where there is no other option, people can push themselves to do certain things (which is not necessarily healthy). However, if one of you is ill and struggling, then I do not think it is at all unreasonable for your partner to help you or look after you. Likewise, if you are struggling to look after your child because you are both responsible for that child.

TresDesolee · 19/03/2016 17:32

Poor you op. I had borderline HG/very bad pg sickness (vomming 20 times a day) and it's by far the worst physical experience I've ever had. I'd rather give birth 100 times than experience the sickness again.

Apart from anything else it's very isolating and depressing. (People jumping up and down on the OP's head would do well to think about this)

I had to look after my eldest when pg with my youngest - SAHM - and I remember lying on the sofa just crying with misery. It's awful.

All that said, it sounds as though your DH is a good 'un. It's not fun looking after a partner with severe pg sickness and they need a break too. in your shoes I'd have let my partner go I think.

And I had to laugh at people suggesting takeaway as a means of cheering yourself up - sorry, I know the suggestion is well meant but believe me, people with HG do not cheer themselves up with greasy food!

ginplease83 · 19/03/2016 17:33

Velvet - being on tour is an obligation and watching rugby is a privilege. I'm sorry that you had to 'get on with it' but there's no need to try and grind others down.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/03/2016 17:34

velvet

I'm tough seriously hard as nails type tough it still does not mean I can't have a bit of compasion

SpecialStains · 19/03/2016 17:35

mango ignore all the people saying they manned up with morning sickness - you're on medication for it, I've been there and it's horrible. I think your original suggestion of dh going to a pub closer to home was very reasonable. I've had days with HG where caring for my cat has been too much. You're a superstar for being able to deal with an actual child and hg. Honestly, there have been some days that my dh has fed me breakfast, laid out lunch for me, done a 12hr day at work and then come home to feed me dinner. I'm not lazy (normally quite the opposite), I just couldn't go in the kitchen without vomiting and all movement made the nausea worse. Some of the anti-emetics make you very sleepy and groggy and difficult to function as well. I wouldn't have been safe to care for a child.

Sounds like your only option is to muddle through tonight, and it sounds easier not to involve MIL. Watch films, lie (very still) on the sofa, make bedtime as easy as possible and make sure dh gets up to deal with DC bright and early tomorrow morning!

Flowers and lots of them. Constant sickness/nausea is miserable and exhausting.

BikeRunSki · 19/03/2016 17:41

YANBU. I had Hyperemisis in both pg. Worse in second. Nearest relative 200 miles away. DH volunteered not to go on his best friend's stag do and stay in with DS. If he hadn't I would have told asked him.

Morning sickness and solo childcare is horrible.

SpecialStains · 19/03/2016 17:45

Also,at my worst with HG (in hospital, on a drip for dehydration and IV anti-emetics - honestly the only thing that has come close to making me feel normal this pregnancy) I did occasionally update online. I've been lonely and isolated and miserable being signed off work for months, and online support was invaluable.

velvet sorry you've had a tough time being a single parent since 4 months pregnant. However, the OP is not being precious, and just because you had a hard time why should everyone else? HG is awful and women end up in hospital. Charlotte Bronte died at 4 months pregnant with HG. While modern medicine makes it very unlikely you'll die, it's still a bit more than a bit of morning sickness. Try some empathy.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/03/2016 18:06

Fwiw, back before HG was understood by HCP and they were unwilling to at least try and treat it,I did a shit load of short term section 20's for lone parents coping with HG and toddlers.

No fault no blame at all on the mums and no issues with children's returns when they were well again.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 19/03/2016 18:10

Glad you got some help OP. I couldn't move without heaving/vomiting during my first pregnancy - I lay static in bed for about 10 weeks (taking all the meds they could throw at me) only moving to run to the toilet. Even DH sitting on the bed or turning over during the night would make me throw up.

I returned to work at about 24 weeks pregnant but lost count of the number of times I had to jump off the subway to find a 'private' spot to throw up. I'd tour the bathrooms at work so I wasn't throwing up in the same one 15 times a day.

Fond memories. HG is nothing like morning sickness.

Ameliablue · 19/03/2016 18:16

Just to add when I had hg, I couldn't manage things like cooking, washing up, cleaning, walking the dog etc. So oh was under quite a lot of pressure too while I was ill and I was ill for months so a day and night off for him would not have been unreasonable.

rookiemere · 19/03/2016 18:33

Hope you're ok OP.

I got a similar response when I posted a thread a few years ago. I was on the floor with severe period pain due to endometriosis and was wondering if it was reasonable to ask DH to come back early from his walking weekend as DS was a lively 3 year old at the time. I think people saw period pain and thought I was some massive drama queen, just as people are seeing morning sickness without really knowing or understanding how bad it can be.

I too got all the rubbish about having a duvet day with Cbeebies and lovely mummy snuggles from people who clearly hadn't met my DS and more worryingly appeared not to have actually met a live 3 year old ever because I've never met one that would be like that when a parent was ill.

I really don't get all this not disturbing your DH when you're not feeling well. You're the one spending all your waking hours feeling like cr*p and still managing to go to work and look after a toddler, god forbid the big man should change his plans in any way at all to accommodate you.

I'm so glad in real life people are a lot more reasonable and you got some much needed support.

Marynary · 19/03/2016 18:59

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. I doubt many people would expect the DH to look after his two year while vomiting his guts out just so the wife could have a night out with his friends. Giving up a night out to look after his child because his wife is very ill while pregnant with his baby isn't too much to ask.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/03/2016 19:05

worryingly appeared not to have actually met a live 3 year old

I hope that is a typo and you didn't mean to be quite so condescending?

HumphreyCobblers · 19/03/2016 19:46

I don't think the OP is being at all unreasonable. Lying still = not being sick for a bit. So, the OP deserves some help.

It must be such fun, being sick whilst a two year old pulls at you. Hmm On REPEAT for a whole day.

Bedtime is an issue because the OP will have to move, which will make her sick. It is not hard to understand ffs.

Tidythatmess · 19/03/2016 20:25

Hope you've coped ok mango. Although I'm not actually vomiting myself, I have constant nausea and exhaustion and the thought of my husband leaving me alone with the kids all day and night makes me want to cry! He has had to do everything this weekend.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/03/2016 21:35

I totally get why someone with severe morning sickness might like some help from the other parent of their child

The OP has said she gets lots of help from her DH. He sounds like a good 'un and he'll be home by midnight at the latest. I don't think the OP has been precious, and think she's right to not insist her DH stay at home.

Others have been in the same boat and advised from that point of view.

worryingly appeared not to have actually met a live 3 year old Hmm

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/03/2016 21:48

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Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 21:52

Thanks to those of you who provided support and a smile.

My friend was very sympathetic and amazing support, so I am award how lucky I am!

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 19/03/2016 21:58

She wants help for the duration of her sickness though, not just a bit as and when it suits.

I remember the last time I was vomitting my 3 year old was trying to climb onto my back at the same time. Duvet day my arse.

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