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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning sickness and DH going to the rugby.

158 replies

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:25

Every year DH and his mates go to the pub to watch the final of the six nations. He's leaving in ten mins and won't be home till midnight. And, despite me asking him to, he refused to ask the others to consider changing the venue to nearby so he could come home to do bedtime. He'll be a two hour train journey away. In his defence he has said he won't drink.

I'm 7 week pregnant and suffering from very severe sickness, on meds that aren't touching it.

We have a very active two year old.
MIL is useless so would be more hinderence than help and my parents are hosting a party.

AIBU to think that this year he shouldn't go?

OP posts:
Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:45

As I also work full time.

OP posts:
Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:47

Yes he has gone mrssmith I was never going to stop him! Just more of an am I feeling justified in feeling cross.

OP posts:
Libitina · 19/03/2016 11:47

So if you can still manage to work, then I'm sure you can still manage to look after your child for a few hours. Like I said, take the 'easy' option and try to relax with her.

PotteringAlong · 19/03/2016 11:47

Sorry, but you're not justified at all.

ilovesooty · 19/03/2016 11:49

I don't think his friends would have appreciated being asked to change the venue at this stage.

Northernlurker · 19/03/2016 11:50

Eh? So you can survive at work but not at home with a very small child for one day?
Look I've had extremely bad pregnancy sickness too and it's awful. If you are dangerously dehydrated then you should be in hospital and in that situation I'm sure he wouldn't go but that isn't the case unless you've missed a lot out of the posts. I think you need to get on with the situation and either coach your mil through helping you or ring a friend.

ShowMeTheWonder · 19/03/2016 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AppleyName · 19/03/2016 11:53

You're only justified in feeling cross if the tables were turned and you wouldn't be able to go out and leave him looking after your toddler if he was feeling rough and vomiting.

If he would be okay to spend a day looking after your two year old on his own in between puking his guts up, then YABU.

mrssmith79 · 19/03/2016 11:53

In that case, don't cut off your nose to spite your face! Feeling cross and ruminating will affect no-one but you and will make for an unnecessarily shitty afternoon and evening.

BeautifulLiar · 19/03/2016 11:54

You will be ok, mango. I'd be upset too though. I had really bad morning sickness last summer with my fourth baby and DH had to work away for nearly all of my first trimester. It was hell on earth. I brought the kids' bedtime forward to 6:30pm, got them to brush their own teeth and skipped a lot of baths!!

I do have a lovely two week old now though :)

Maryz · 19/03/2016 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moopsboopsmum · 19/03/2016 11:55

Flowers for you OP. We live abroad and my DH has flown to his home country (long haul) to watch super Saturday with his dad, on TV. Leaving me here with the DC. Yes, really. Angry Try to get the toddler down early, nice drive in the car might do it and go straight to bed. He can do everything for you and DC tomorrow.

NotTHEBupcake · 19/03/2016 11:58

Could you get MIL to come round and even just watch tv/DVD with DD for the afternoon while you lie down? That might be manageable for her, and would give you a break. Then have an early night if you can (agree about skipping bath).

Teacakequeen · 19/03/2016 11:59

YNBU. Would it be ok for you to leave him with food poisoning, looking after a 2 year old whilst you went on a jolly? The rugby is on every year, it wouldn't kill him to miss it once. What happened to caring about your partner?

Binkybix · 19/03/2016 12:01

Going against the grain I don't think you're being unreasonable. I could barely lift my head without puking.

I'm sure if I had to I could have managed with the toddler, but you don't HAVE to here (well, you do now he's gone but that's not the poI think). Missing it for one year is not a big deal.

emilybrontescorset · 19/03/2016 12:04

I think if he generally is a hands on dad then yabu.

I know morning sickness is crap but there is nothing anyone can do to take it away.

Don't rely on mil either.
I had very little help from my in laws and now I'm divorced I like the fact I don't see them.

littleleftie · 19/03/2016 12:04

OP do you not have any friends who could come round and give you a break? Even if they have DC of their own, they could at least be sitting in your house and you could lie down for an hour or two.

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2016 12:06

If you had food poisoning would it be ok for him to leave you with a toddler while he goes drinking?

Drinking what?

Chocolatteaddict1 · 19/03/2016 12:09

Look op on MN when your pregnant your supposed to be hard as nails and not to expect no one to give a fuck about you. Women used to give birth in fields y'know then carry on potatoe picking!

I'm seven weeks pregnant, feeling rough but not as bad as you. Yep I think you can be a bit pissed off - why not.

Can you just have a sofa and tv day?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/03/2016 12:10

YANBU OP but you will now have the competitive 'My DH was in the armed forces, I had seven kids to look after, a farm and a restaurant- I just got on with it..'
Severe morning sickness requiring medication which seems to do bugger all is vile- utterly debilitating and soul destroying. And the people saying 'you'd have to cope when he's at work' and 'you go to work' are missing the point...this is something ADDITIONAL to the OP's day to day life and she maybe feels like she would like to just lie down. In actual fact im sure she would rather be feeling better and just getting on with it!

curlywurly4 · 19/03/2016 12:11

YANBU if your partner is sick you help them out don't you? I'd be pretty miffed if DH went for a fun day out, while I puked all day and struggled with toddler.

MinnieF1 · 19/03/2016 12:13

If your hypermesis is anywhere near as bad as mine was, then YANBU. I physically could not move without being sick, was severely dehydrated and could not get out of bed. I was sick about 60 times a day. 40 on a good day if I didn't move out of bed. Then when the meds started to work only 5-10 times.

However, if you're able to function for the most part, then YABU. So I'd depends really.

wiccamum · 19/03/2016 12:13

I do feel for you op, agree with some of the pps. Take comfort in the brownie points but don't stew on it. Make today as easy on yourself as possible, skip the bath etc...the world won't stop spinning.

You MIL sounds like my mum, she is a shocker! Every time she has looked after my dd there has been a problem These range form my dd spraying me with blue vomit as I got in from work (don't ask) to banging her head on the corner of a glass table! I can't trust my Dm to look after her, so we waited until dd was old enough to give my dm detailed instructions and help HER cross the road 😳

ClashCityRocker · 19/03/2016 12:15

You are being a wee bit unreasonable but I'm sure I would feel the same in your shoes.

Last time I had The Worse Flu In The History Of The World a bad cold I felt very sorry for myself when that selfish bastard, rather than stroking my hair and fetching my hot lemons by the bucketful, choose to go and watch the football Grin

Can you do anything nice for yourself today? Probably not the easiest with a two year old in tow and you so poorly,, but anything you can maybe indulge yourself with - a favourite takeaway or renting a favourite film with nice snacks?

Or ring a friend to come round for a chat and bit of a moan.

MinnieF1 · 19/03/2016 12:16

Forgot to add sorry, those who've not experienced hypermesis will tell you to suck it up. But it really is horrid so I feel for you.