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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Morning sickness and DH going to the rugby.

158 replies

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:25

Every year DH and his mates go to the pub to watch the final of the six nations. He's leaving in ten mins and won't be home till midnight. And, despite me asking him to, he refused to ask the others to consider changing the venue to nearby so he could come home to do bedtime. He'll be a two hour train journey away. In his defence he has said he won't drink.

I'm 7 week pregnant and suffering from very severe sickness, on meds that aren't touching it.

We have a very active two year old.
MIL is useless so would be more hinderence than help and my parents are hosting a party.

AIBU to think that this year he shouldn't go?

OP posts:

EweAreHere · 19/03/2016 12:17

Based on the rarity of his events, by your description, I would probably let him go since it's just morning sickness and you don't feel great. It's not severe; it's not the flu; you're not completely incapacitated.

This is what children's DVDs are made for. Put one in, bring in some toys, and lie on the couch in the room with her. She can survive a day playing in front of a movie with toys.

I hope the morning sickness doesn't last too much longer.

diddl · 19/03/2016 12:17

I think he could at least have asked if anyone would consider a change of venue so that he could get home earlier.

Original poster

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 12:18

Well I've just had a call from DH, his best friend told him he was a dick for leaving me, and has arranged for his wife and kids to come round and take DD to the playground later and then do bedtime. So that's a result.
rhanks for all the input, I agree staring would have achieved nothing,.

OP posts:

Original poster

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 12:18

Stewing not staring

OP posts:

EweAreHere · 19/03/2016 12:18

PS And if she falls asleep on the floor after the designated bedtime hour, she will survive it. x

scarlets · 19/03/2016 12:18

Make today as easy as poss, even if that means sandwiches/takeaway, and an excess of tv for your LO. And relax tomorrow - let your husband look after you.

curlywurly4 · 19/03/2016 12:23

That's good news. I agree he has been a bit of a dick leaving you.

I've got hyperemesis and its nothing not severe about it. It bloody awful to have uncontrolled nausea and vomiting. Lying completely still is the only thing that has got me through some days. Pleased you've got some support coming. Hope you find some medicines that work.

FuzzyOwl · 19/03/2016 12:26

Under normal circumstances if I was reading this I would think you were being unreasonable but I have morning sickness that is not as bad as you and feel horrific, and I have a nine month old that my DH is currently looking after because I feel so rubbish. If the situation was reversed, I would not go and leave my DH how I am at the moment.

Under the circumstances I think YANBU to think your DH shouldn't go but I think that is a decision he should have reached himself - after all, the toddler and baby are his as well and whilst ms might not be an illness as such, it can be really debilitating and being a parent surely means realising that there are times when your priorities change and you can't do what you want to do.

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2016 12:28

Look op on MN when your pregnant your supposed to be hard as nails and not to expect no one to give a fuck about you. Women used to give birth in fields y'know then carry on potatoe picking!

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say, just because some people have different opinions on the matter.

queenoftheworld93 · 19/03/2016 12:29

YANBU. Currently 8 weeks with ms nowhere near as bad as yours, but would still hate to be in sole charge of a toddler all day/night right now. Glad you have childcare and hope you feel better soon.

FuzzyOwl · 19/03/2016 12:31

When I posted it only showed the op and not the other comments! Glad to see you have got some help for today and I hope your DH realises he should have been more considerate now.

mrsplum2015 · 19/03/2016 12:33

I feel your pain. I'm achey with a bad head, temperature sore throat and minimal upset tummy. I have my 3DC and DH has disappeared for 3 nights on a "jolly" - we now have no family within driving distance. He very rarely does it but I have said this will be the last time until they are all another 2/3 years older as I am having the worst weekend ever...

I do think standards slip as you have more children! I remember one day having terrible D&V and looking after DD1 all day (she was about 13 months, DH was at work). I literally couldn't think how to manage her and wasn't able to make her lunch (?) - so I asked my DSis to take the afternoon off work to come and help me. Today I have literally just relied on TV / coped when I can. I will take them through McDonalds Drive Through for dinner - absolutely horrendous but at least DH comes back feeling rested and refreshed and a one off junk meal / screen day won't kill them! Now when DH is absent I just worry about if I was seriously indisposed for whatever reason (as in broken leg) - how I would manage the logistics of getting to hospital and various friends to take the children until I got home.

So, I'm sure YANBU to feel a bit grumpy but the reality of children is that sometimes you have to just manage - especially if you are going to make sure each parent gets some time out (or if one has a demanding job and the other doesn't have on tap childcare).

stitchglitched · 19/03/2016 12:35

YANBU, I had severe hyperemesis with my last pregnancy and it was bad enough that DP had to leave me to go to work, I wouldn't have been happy at him choosing to leave me so he could go to the pub for 12 hours. I was either in hospital on a drip or in bed trying not to move. If I had to do the school run I used to throw up in bushes on the way!

Glad you now have some help, hope the meds start working for you soon.

Binkybix · 19/03/2016 12:37

since it's just morning sickness and you don't feel great. It's not severe; it's not the flu; you're not completely incapacitated

Hmm.. Bad morning sickness felt worse than flu for me by some margin.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/03/2016 12:40

YANBU. I like the sound of your DHs mate

Silvercatowner · 19/03/2016 12:44

just morning sickness - clearly no idea what HG actually is.

EweAreHere · 19/03/2016 13:04

There's morning sickness and there's HG.

I know what HG actually is. And if she has HG and can't function, of course he shouldn't have gone off to the pub 2 hours away. But she said she has meds and just feels rubbish, etc, not that she couldn't do it, but that she felt she shouldn't have to. She also said she wouldn't tell him he couldn't go. And she was happy for him to leave most of the day to go to a local pub, so not severe enough to mean he shouldn't leave her alone with a toddler.

My husband wouldn't have left me to go the pub under the circumstances described, and I think her husband is a right jerk for leaving her for a jolly. But I was going based on her own description of the scenario.

I am glad her DH's friend told him he was a dick and is having his wife go round to take the little one out. Maybe DH will learn something from his friend. One can hope.

Floralnomad · 19/03/2016 13:11

I think you are being a massive drama llama ( and I had HG ) , if I were you I'd be massively embarrassed at another mother having to come and entertain my child and do bedtime .

stinkysnowbear · 19/03/2016 13:11

I asked DP and he said that in his position, as it is yearly and the friends are clearly not local if he has to travel 2 hours, that he would have arranged for babysitter to come over and mind the 2 year old while you rest.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/03/2016 13:16

Did you intend to sound like such an absolute arse floral?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/03/2016 13:17

And if in fact you did have HG you should be ashamed of the way you have just tried to kick someone else for feeling crap. Bravo you.

FuzzyOwl · 19/03/2016 13:20

Luckily not everyone is as unkind as you Floral and I have happily helped out people with their children when they have been unwell; whether it has been morning sickness, flu or a cold. I wouldn't be at all embarrassed by someone helping out and would just be grateful that they were kind enough to do so and reciprocate if ever it was needed.

GeorgeTheThird · 19/03/2016 13:23

It's great that you've got some support, take it easy. Sickness is grim.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 19/03/2016 13:25

I'd not be happy if DH nominated me to go and entertain a child and do bedtime when the mum was able to work but not have a lazy day at home.

Original poster

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 13:41

A) I never said I was able to work, I said I work full time to explain why DD is in full time childcare.
B) has anyone tried to have a lazy day with a two year old, lucky you if you can, but my two year old doesn't watch TV for more than 20 min and liked to climb on the window sill. She also gets upset if I lie on the sofa and ignore her. Which I have been doing, but it's not very relaxing. She also tries to pull me away from the loo when in being sick.
C) I'm not at all embarrassed that a close friend is coming to help me, as I have done and will do for her.

OP posts:

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