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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Morning sickness and DH going to the rugby.

158 replies

mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 11:25

Every year DH and his mates go to the pub to watch the final of the six nations. He's leaving in ten mins and won't be home till midnight. And, despite me asking him to, he refused to ask the others to consider changing the venue to nearby so he could come home to do bedtime. He'll be a two hour train journey away. In his defence he has said he won't drink.

I'm 7 week pregnant and suffering from very severe sickness, on meds that aren't touching it.

We have a very active two year old.
MIL is useless so would be more hinderence than help and my parents are hosting a party.

AIBU to think that this year he shouldn't go?

OP posts:
BolshierAryaStark · 19/03/2016 13:42

Your DH's best mates wife is a saint. Lucky you having people like her around.

FuzzyOwl · 19/03/2016 13:46

Sorry so many people on here are being unpleasant to you mango. Pregnancy affects us in different ways, so what some women can manage others find far more difficult, and children and lazy days have never gone together in my experience. I am glad you have someone coming round to help you as that is what friends are for, and I really hope your sickness eases soon for you.

Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 13:53

Thanks fuzzy I should have known better than to expect sympathy in AIBU!

Also I'm sorry others have had to struggle through similar.

OP posts:
Onsera3 · 19/03/2016 13:58

I understand what you mean about MIL being more of a hindrance. Mine is well meaning but, despite seeing my DC multiple times during week, she gets very excited with them. Is loud and scares them as babies with this. Enjoys seeing DS excited.

Had her round one evening to help when I was pregnant and ill. She had DS jumping on the bed etc

I don't bother.

Binkybix · 19/03/2016 14:30

Where's the line between morning sickness and HG out of interest?

And agree with OP - no way would my 2 year old have been easy with a whole lazy day.

Whatdoidohelp · 19/03/2016 14:37

You have my full sympathy. It's not relevant how often your dh goes out. Hyperemesis is a serious debilitating illness. Saying to just have a lazy day is not an option when you are that ill.

I think you need to deal with your MIL as well. I had hyperemesis well into my 5th month and the longer it went on the worse and worse I felt and less I was able to do.

Dolly80 · 19/03/2016 14:45

Sounds like you and your DH have good friends. Hope you get to have some rest whilst your little one is at the park.

notinagreatplace · 19/03/2016 14:50

I don't really understand the point of him going but not drinking - what am I missing?

FuriousFate · 19/03/2016 14:56

Lots of nasty people on this thread. The OP is unwell. Her DP has chosen to go out anyway, leaving her with an active 2yo to entertain all day. It's a sports match. What takes priority? For most people, it would be your ill wife. It would certainly be your ill wife if she was pregnant with your child! Things like this show people's true colours. I would not be impressed, OP.

Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 14:58

His point was that then he won't have a hideous hangover and write off the whole day tomorrow as well.

OP posts:
Specialsnowflake1 · 19/03/2016 15:01

I really think YABU it's once a year and he is going out with his mates. My SIL is like this at the moment DB is not allowed to go anywhere because she is pregnant.

MakingJudySmile · 19/03/2016 15:01

Never had HG, and I'm a big rugby fan (I have it on now) but I think YANBU.

It's inconsiderate of him; not going would not mean he'd miss the rugby. You're ill making your ill partner struggle and not have the ability to rest just so you can have a bit of fun with your friends is inconsiderate and not necessary. It's not the same as working away he just wants to go somewhere and have fun, regardless of how inconvenient it is for the op.

It seems his friend gets that.

VelvetCushion · 19/03/2016 15:08

Come home to do bedtime Hmm
If bedtime is that hard and stressful then something is not right.
Sorry but yabvvvu

53rdAndBird · 19/03/2016 15:12

If bedtime is that hard and stressful then something is not right.

Well, yes: the OP's ill. That's sort of the point of the post...

Cel982 · 19/03/2016 15:18

YANBU at all, OP, I'm really surprised you're getting such a hard time here. Although from the suggestions to have a picnic/get a takeaway/go for a nice drive Hmm I'm guessing many people here have no concept of what severe nausea and vomiting is really like. It's truly truly awful, and trying to look after an active two-year-old when even the thought of moving makes you throw up... its just a nightmare.

He's a parent too, and if you're too unwell to look after your child then he needs to step up, whether that means missing a social event or not. I wouldn't dream of heading out on a jolly while leaving my sick husband to look after our toddler. It's just unkind.

VelvetCushion · 19/03/2016 15:19

Ive never understood this 'need help at bedtime stuff'.
Ive never known anyone who needs help with it. Doing what exactly??

maydancer · 19/03/2016 15:19

Yambu I had hg in all 6 pgcies and it is horrific. If you haven't had it you can't begin to imagine. Your dh is selfish? Could your DC go on a sleepover to your mil's

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 19/03/2016 15:20

I really feel for you op. I had sickness with DD until I went into labour and spent a lot of time off sick as a result (started mat leave very early). The joys of puking and weeing while a curious 3 year old watches!

But DH being absent is one day. Presumably you have to be alone with your DC sometimes. I'd get MIL as a distraction even if she's not much use. CBeebies and DVDs to distract him for a while. MIL to play and cook something simple while you nap. The time may pass more quickly than you think.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 19/03/2016 15:22

I forgot to say re bedtime, on occasion DS just conked out on the sofa and DH carried him up later.

Shutthatdoor · 19/03/2016 15:24

Never had HG, and I'm a big rugby fan (I have it on now) but I think YANBU.

I had HG was hospitalised twice and a huge rugby fan and think YABU

Original poster
mangocoveredlamb · 19/03/2016 15:25

Here's the problem with bedtime, lifting her makes me heave, that's why I'm particularly worried about bedtime because it includes lifting into the cot, and the inevitable pj struggle!

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 19/03/2016 15:27

Wow not sure why everyone thinks rugby is so important ! My dh would be very upset if I left him ill looking after a child to go out somewhere non essential !

Op I hope you feel better and thank goodness for friends !

Ameliablue · 19/03/2016 15:28

I had hyperemesis with both of mine so understand how debilitating it can be, but this is a once a year thing so I wouldn't expect him to miss it.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/03/2016 15:36

Morning sickness is crap, but the world doesn't grind to a halt.

Your Dh sound like a decent person, you were right to 'let' him go.

I wouldn't have wanted my DH to miss out on something he really wanted to do, just because I felt crap.

Forget whatever routine is stressing you out and just get your two year old into pyjamas, teeth cleaned and snuggle down with a story and a doze for you. It shouldn't be too difficult and sounds like the kind of thing that might do you good too.

'Doing bedtime' turns it into a drama that it perhaps doesn't need to be.

VelvetCushion · 19/03/2016 15:37

Lifting into cot makes you heave and the pj struggle Hmm
That is no reason for DH to have,to be home,for bedtime. Its ridiculous.
Well you feel sick anyway so heaving only lasts few moments. Pj struggle im sure you can cope with. Being sick does not affect your arms.
Im afraid im loosing even more sympathy now you have given the reasons.
Im sorry to sound hard on you OP but you sound very precious.
Come on, toughen up and show him you can cope and do anything without him. X