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AIBU?

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Original poster

to allow my ds the day off next Thursday

109 replies

dingit · 17/03/2016 09:52

It's end of term reward trip to Thorpe park. Ds received letter saying he qualified to go. We had to send in reply slip, then names were pulled out of hat, they didn't have enough tickets for all.
So ds is not on the trip, and was naturally upset. Unfortunately all his friends were laughing at him which made it worse. The kids not going go to school as usual. He also has to go to school this Saturday for a science ca.

He says he's not going in next Thursday. I'm inclined to agree with him, but on the other hand am I giving out the wrong message?

I've already emailed school, asking why they do it like that. Surely it isn't difficult to just send offers for the amount of places they have, then start dishing out reserve places.

OP posts:
possum18 · 17/03/2016 09:55

What a mean system they have, getting children's hopes up and then only allowing a portion of those who have 'qualified' to actually go!

What age are we talking here? I'd let DS have the day off and treat him to a special day to reward him for meeting whatever the criteria was for the trip Grin

BoyGirlBoy3 · 17/03/2016 09:59

My children have been into school when others are on trips, it can be surprisingly good, the teacher may do something special, one time my daughter got to help out with younger children for an afternoon, she loved that.

Original poster
dingit · 17/03/2016 10:31

He 14. Thorpe park is everything when you're that age. I'd drive him there myself, but I hate m25, then i would need to do trip twice, or buy a ticket and 'enjoy' it myself.

OP posts:
Mistigri · 17/03/2016 10:37

My DD is also 14 and I would keep her off in this situation. I'd also register my displeasure, in writing. What a shitty way to treat young people.

Fortunately this would NEVER happen in DD's school.

Sirzy · 17/03/2016 10:39

That's an awful system! I would let him stay off

saresywaresy2 · 17/03/2016 10:40

That's so unfair. My 11 year old has just had similar. There's a big geography trip to germany for year 7s. But they don't have enough places for all the kids and 20 had to miss out...including my poor little lovely. Why do they do it if they can't take them all? It's so unfair...
That said i'd still make him go to school...

Helenluvsrob · 17/03/2016 10:44

Difficult isn't it, most trips are over subscribed and our school does " first to get the forms in" or 1st to pay.....which can be equally unfair if parents haven't got the money to hand or they rely on the fixed school bus and can't queue at 8am

Mistigri · 17/03/2016 10:49

What's wrong with ensuring there are places available for all students, especially where the trip is directly relevant to coursework? I am horrified at the idea that a geography trip should not be open to all students in the classes concerned. This simply wouldn't happen in my children's schools.

SilverGiraffe7 · 17/03/2016 10:52

I would be inclined to point out that as he had 'qualified' for a day trip and to not be in school for the day, he would be having it. And if they couldn't accommodate him on their trip, you would be taking him somewhere else instead so he didn't miss out on the reward he had been told by school he deserved. Poor lad.

SavoyCabbage · 17/03/2016 10:55

What a ridiculous 'reward'! I'd keep him off for a week and take him to Hawaii. Or at least Alton towers.

ouryve · 17/03/2016 10:56

It's not the kindest of systems for allocating rewards (why on earth weren't there enough places for everyone who had "earned" them?) but I don't think you should side with his sulk. By all means, complain about it, but keeping him at home is not the best way to make your point.

Maudd · 17/03/2016 11:01

I'd keep him off for a week and take him to Hawaii

This ^^ Grin

What a horrible system. At Primary level he might have a lovely day at school doing special or different things, but not so much at 14.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/03/2016 11:02

Why were his friends laughing? Were they going on the trip? All of them?

Actually I think you should send him to school, he has to learn to deal with disappointment, and letting him stay off will not help build resilience. And I bet !most children in the school are not going on the trip, there's probably only 20 or so places.

saoirse31 · 17/03/2016 11:03

I'd let him have day off, and I'd ring principal to complain, completely bizarre reward (or not) system.

WonderingAspie · 17/03/2016 11:08

If my child had been built up by saying they qualified for a trip, then didn't because their name wasn't pulled out of a hat, I'd keep them off as well. What a shitty system. I'm annoyed enough because our primary school seems to choose the same children all the time for lead roles in plays, school council members, to go out of school and participate in sports activities. All of which my DS is desperate for and none of which he is ever chosen. Recently they let all the children who hadn't been chosen take part in some out of school sports event. Once again my DS was overlooked. But I don't want to be that parent who is always in the school complaining that their PFB hasn't been chosen for something yet again-.

Janeymoo50 · 17/03/2016 11:09

I'd keep him off and go to Chessington World of Adventure (by train). What a mean prize, some kids get the reward, some dont but all qualify. They should do two trips.

TheBakeryQueen · 17/03/2016 11:10

I'd keep him home and take him somewhere even better.

makingmiracles · 17/03/2016 11:22

Terrible system, I'd keep him off for the day.

tinyterrors · 17/03/2016 11:29

That's a really mean system for a "reward" trip.

At our high school they use a points system for reward trips, those with a certain number of points get to go on the trip regardless whether 10 qualfy or the whole year group.

Fair enough to pull names out of a hat for a normal trip but it's really unfair when it's supposed to be a reward that they've been told they qualify for and then get told there aren't enough places.

I'd be complaining to school and seeing if I could get any other parents of disappointed children to complain as well.

GloGirl · 17/03/2016 11:50

Suck it up on the M25 and take him yourself

ctjoy103 · 17/03/2016 11:52

Horrible system, cruel to get them excited and then say only a few are going.
If you pay for him separately will they allow him just go travel with them?

Stokes · 17/03/2016 12:01

Did the letter not say there would be a draw?! YANBU if so. How many are going/not going?

Original poster
dingit · 17/03/2016 12:01

There are 200 places but across the whole school. Most of his friendship group are going. They are being like that as that's what teens do!

At least I have a week to think about it.

OP posts:
EJsAndOCsMum · 17/03/2016 12:04

I'd definitely keep him off! That's a really unfair system, but it is what it is! Of course, if he wanted to go in, I'd send him. However, he doesn't. YANBU Smile

MimiSunshine · 17/03/2016 12:25

It depends. Was it positioned as he had qualified and was therefore going if you have parental permission or you've qualified and you could he going if you're pulled out in the draw?
If the former then school had very poor communication skills and you should complain about that if the later then you needed to have managed his expectations.
However I don't think you should keep him off, he's likely to have exaggerated the friends laughing at him and if they're all going then they won't be in school to laugh again will they.
Life is harsh sometimes and unfortunately we don't win everything we want to.

The going in school on Saturday isn't relevant as he'd be doing that regardless

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