to allow my ds the day off next Thursday

[dingit]

It's end of term reward trip to Thorpe park. Ds received letter saying he qualified to go. We had to send in reply slip, then names were pulled out of hat, they didn't have enough tickets for all.
So ds is not on the trip, and was naturally upset. Unfortunately all his friends were laughing at him which made it worse. The kids not going go to school as usual. He also has to go to school this Saturday for a science ca.

He says he's not going in next Thursday. I'm inclined to agree with him, but on the other hand am I giving out the wrong message?

I've already emailed school, asking why they do it like that. Surely it isn't difficult to just send offers for the amount of places they have, then start dishing out reserve places.

I'd agree with him that its unfair, but I'd still send him.

It sounds like it was made clear he was eligible to be entered into the draw to go, not that he would definitely be going? Is that right?

If that's the case then he needs to 'suck it up buttercup'. No different to a raffle or or any other prize draw.

He's 14 not 4. You'd be far better off explaining this to him & making him accept the fact that this time he was unlucky, than teaching him that the world owes him something and that if he doesn't get his own way he gets to do as he pleases.

I'd keep him off and do your own 'treat' day- if he qualified for the school treat day he clearly deserves it. But I'd be very clear and open with school that this is what I was doing- so knows that you back him and are willing to stand up for what you believe but he gets the message that this is not 'bunking off'.
I'd also be trying to find out if there are other children in the same position and suggesting the their parents that we organise an 'alternative treat day' for them all- but then I am an interfering old so and so.

For the very fact that it's a crap system I'd keep him off

Some people are so mean! It's not 'teaching him that the world owes him something'! Yeah, he's 14 - the age when these trips mean a lot, especially when his friends are going. I can't imagine a 4 year old caring that much about Thorpe Park - it's a theme park better suited for older children...

What an awful system. You're earned a reward but you can't have it.
No rewards are offered at our school other than certificates, stickers and sometimes a book or book token.
School trips are for everyone in the class that is going on the trip.
I would hate the system your school has.

Could you not take him yourself on the same day? Just brave the m25?

How far away do you live? Couldn't you drop him off & collect him later.
It's hardly a reward if he earns the trip then there aren't enough spaces, have the school suggested an alternative?

It's nearly a two hour round trip for me ( a not very confident driver), I like the idea someone had to see if there is room on the coach, then buying a ticket.
This thread hasn't really helped me decide!
I'm hoping they announce the prefects next week, and he has a boost of self esteem. I can then build on that, and do a treat in the Easter holidays.

A crap system. I'd keep him off school and take him myself.

OP, when was the draw announced? Was it after he'd been told he qualified and handed in the form or was it clear from the beginning? Sorry if you've already answered, I couldn't see a response?

No the lottery system was announced straight away, and I prepared him for disappointment. It's just hard knowing all his mates are going and talking about it in front of him! He will get over it, but it breaks my heart! As an adult you know there are worse things, but at 14 it's the end of the world! Life's a steep learning curve.

I wouldn't keep any of mine off for that. It's a bit shit but life isn't fair.

As it's the last day of term (I presume) I'd be more inclined to go out after school for a meal or something.

Rubbish system. I'd keep him off.

I can't see why it's a crap system if everyone knows that's what's happening. Much fairer than first come first served.

I'm going to try and find out what happens to the kids that didn't get picked. Surely they can't make them do lessons? Unfortunately this will be his last year, year 11 is far too serious for such frivolity! He did go last year, scraped in on a reserve space.

How many were in the draw?

Could any parents volunteer as helpers so they could all go?

I would certainly keep him off and take him somewhere better.

"Suck it up buttercup" to your own sad and disappointed child? Whose friends are already jabbing at him about it? Lovely. How about being your child's ally when things are a bit miserable instead of a hatchet faced misery guts?

If it was clear from the start that there'd be a draw then YWBVU to keep him off school, IMO. Of course he's disappointed, but he has to learn to live with disappointment and your job is to help him keep things like this in perspective. Do something nice in the evening after school if you want, but keeping him off is a complete overreaction.

I'm not sure how many from each year group, 50 I should imagine, and only the ones who deserved the reward. It's done on attendance and merits.

That's really shitty if the school treat those who missed out by lottery the same as those who didn't qualify.

Ah look. I was all for saying 'yep, keep him off' until you posted that he DID GO last year. So in that case, no. Yes it's a shitty system, no it shouldn't happen like that, but if you were happy for him to go at the expense of others last year, then you and he need to suck it up this year.

You can't morally benefit from an unfair choice once, then complain when it's you on the bad end. Sorry.

Yes you're right, someone didn't go last year.
I think I will send him, there's plenty we can do over Easter, he will have forgotten by next term.

Hmm, so there'll be roughly ten pupils not going from each year (assuming there're two classes per year)?

He won't be one of two in his class left behind or anything?

They'll probably do something fun. Why don't you ask?

If it was a normal boring work day I'd keep him off though

Wrong message. I'd send him - apart from anything else, to show that he doesn't get to say 'I'm not going to school'!

When dd was in year 9 we had a similar thing but possibly worse. There was a week's residential for 'able and interested' pupils in the Lakes - each school in the city could send whoever they wanted along for the talk at the University about how great and beneficial it would be. Then, unsurprisingly, far more children wanted to go than possibly could.

So you paid a returnable deposit of £100 to put your name in the hat. DD's name didn't come back out, and every single one of her friends' did. The trip was in half term, but all of them were talking about it for weeks in advance and as soon as term started again. It was rotten, and extremely unfair IMO.

However. Life's not fair and you can't flounce when it isn't. To avoid the bitterness, I'd have had to keep her off for a week before half term and a week after, while everyone was gossiping about the fun trip!

She is over it now